How to loosen up?

[slackerinabox]

I'm a pretty laid back guy around my friends... Around strangers or casual relationships I'm a total insecure mother f*cker.. It was my gf's b-day the other day and we were with some of her relatives and her sister's b-friend.. The conversation was moving fast and I was in awe of her sis' b-friends quick chattiness.. he's the type that says stuff like "I read this fascinating article in the times the other day" and then goes on for HOURS.. I read a lot, am educated and am older (22) but can't maintain a convo with most people nor am I able to open my mouth in social environments .. Any ways to overcome this?

 

[minendo]

Just practice. I used to get nervous in similar situations, but now that I work in Staff Computer Training and teach 20-student classes, there is no time for nervousness.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: minendo
Just practice. I used to get nervous in similar situations, but now that I work in Staff Computer Training and teach 20-student classes, there is no time for nervousness.

Any suggestions/ techniques? I've tried the "just do it" mentality and I've had some success at work and professional settings (I'm not considered a freak/loner) but freeze up in casual social settings..I'm sure some of my fellow geeks here have something to add.

 

[dabuddha]

alcohol helps if you're legal age of course

 

[MaxDSP]

I used to be like that in high school, but I realized that I was wayyy too concerned with what people thought of me. I just started acting the same as I do around my good friends and it has helped me become more confident/outgoing

 

[MaxDSP]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
alcohol helps if you're legal age of course

I'll drink to that...

 

[GoingUp]

what kind of stuff do you read?

make sure its a good mix, sports, news, business, politics etc... then you can hold a conversation more easily...

eg... I really hate baseball and dont care for basketball either, but I still read a few stories about them on ESPN so that I know some basic players etc and can hold somewhat of a conversation about things.

Ultimately, you just need to practice talking more... and Rome wasn't built in a day, so dont except to be, or force yourself to try to be the center of the conversation.

Work into it more over time.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
I'm a pretty laid back guy around my friends... Around strangers or casual relationships I'm a total insecure mother f*cker.. It was my gf's b-day the other day and we were with some of her relatives and her sister's b-friend.. The conversation was moving fast and I was in awe of her sis' b-friends quick chattiness.. he's the type that says stuff like "I read this fascinating article in the times the other day" and then goes on for HOURS.. I read a lot, am educated and am older (22) but can't maintain a convo with most people nor am I able to open my mouth in social environments .. Any ways to overcome this?

Confidence. Build some self confidence.

I used to be skiddish around Chelsea's family too. Now I just tell myself that if they have a problem with me, they'll come to me like mature individuals and we can settle it like adults. If they have a problem with me and don't come to me with it, they can go Fvck themselves. It's not going to change how I act around Chelsea, and I'm only there for Chelsea -not for them (atleast right now). If they don't have a problem, all the better.

 

[astroview]

Remember if you let them do most of the talking, when they leave the conversation they'll probably be happier b/c someone listened to them, so they might not notice your awkwardness.

I developed better speaking skills in college, might just happen to you somehow later in life, I've heard good things about a group called Toastmasters that might help.
http://www.toastmasters.org/

But I'm not some sort of speaking god, but hey you'll get better. And alcohol does help.

 

[Parrotheader]

Some people are just quiter/introverts. Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm pretty much the same way you are although not really insecure, just quiet. While I've 'loosened up' some since I graduated from college due to repeated work functions and presentations where I'm required to do more speaking and small talk I'm still not going to be the type of person who usually takes the lead in casual conversations of people that you're rarely around. I'll chime in and converse, but I don't won't to be the center of attetention. In fact, some (but not all) of those people can be annoying as hell.

 

[crisp82]

confidence is the key. believe me. look at it like this. why should other ppl be interested in what you say when you don't seem to be. the topic doesn't have to be what you would consider interesting for them, they could be closet geeks, u never know!

Seriously tho dood, just take those nerves and use them as a insentive to make urself more confident.