how to give cats and dogs pills.

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
CATS:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to partner's forearm and immediately remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy-duty pruning loves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to pick out new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat. Call local pet shop to see if they have hamsters.

DOGS:

1. Wrap pill in bacon.
 

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,596
19
81
Easy way - basically crouch over the cat, in a position resembling an infant crawling, thus preventing the cat from moving.
Pry open mouth, pop pill in, keep mouth closed.
Release cat.

Cat leaves a bit irritated, then remembers that a bit of cheese is soon to follow.

 

Red Squirrel

No Lifer
May 24, 2003
69,307
13,047
126
www.anyf.ca
Haha that is awesome.

We had to give a pill to our cat once. We ended up breaking it up into tuna. AT first we just shoved it in, but the cat ate around it LOL.

Sometimes we give an omega pill to our current cat. If you break it up she'll eat it.
 

skyking

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
22,548
5,595
146
:thumbsup:

I had a dog that would just swallow any pill I would toss at it. That lasted for about 6 months, then he got wise.
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
62,484
8,344
126
Depending on the size of the pill, for our dog we just cramed it into a Combo (the cheeze filled pretzel things) and tossed it in the dish.

 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: torpid
Isn't this a 10,000 year old email forward?

Not sure, I am not on many lists from old women.

If you got it speak up, if not shut your whiney whore mouth.
 

torpid

Lifer
Sep 14, 2003
11,631
11
76
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: torpid
Isn't this a 10,000 year old email forward?

Not sure, I am not on many lists from old women.

If you got it speak up, if not shut your whiney whore mouth.

No, apparently you are on lists of people even more out of touch than old women. :roll:
 

hanoverphist

Diamond Member
Dec 7, 2006
9,867
23
76
Originally posted by: Blackjack200
Originally posted by: alkemyst
i don't think you guys read.

I thought it was pretty funny. 8.5/10

i did too, the first 30 times i read it in emails. ill give it a 6/10 for teh funnay but it lost a couple pts for being geriatric.



and my dog will eat the bacon and leave the pill, but if its inside a hot dog chunk he will pretty much swallow it whole.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: torpid
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: torpid
Isn't this a 10,000 year old email forward?

Not sure, I am not on many lists from old women.

If you got it speak up, if not shut your whiney whore mouth.

No, apparently you are on lists of people even more out of touch than old women. :roll:

I am not on lists.

I am a list of my own.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: hanoverphist
Originally posted by: Blackjack200
Originally posted by: alkemyst
i don't think you guys read.

I thought it was pretty funny. 8.5/10

i did too, the first 30 times i read it in emails. ill give it a 6/10 for teh funnay but it lost a couple pts for being geriatric.



and my dog will eat the bacon and leave the pill, but if its inside a hot dog chunk he will pretty much swallow it whole.

ahh hot dog *wink wink*....don't get caught with pictures though.
 
Oct 19, 2000
17,860
4
81
Originally posted by: geno
Originally posted by: RapidSnail
Peanut butter.

Is that how you feed your dog your "pills"?

Yep, it's like magic. With my sister-in-law's smaller dog, I cut up it's heartworm pill into 4 small pieces, put them in a small gob of peanut butter, then stuck that gob of peanut butter to the roof of the dog's mouth. There was nothing he could do at that point but enjoy the sweet, sweet taste. :)
 

Tremulant

Diamond Member
Jul 2, 2004
4,890
1
0
cheese works pretty good for dogs also.

I don't recall ever having to give pills to our cats, but for liquid medicine we'd just mix it in with their food.