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How to get out of a speeding ticket *joke*

bmacd

Lifer
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has
the following exchange:

Officer:
May I see your driver's license?

Driver:
I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th
DUI.

Officer:
May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver:
It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer:
The car is stolen?

Driver:
That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw
the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting
my gun in there.

Officer:
There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver:
Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed
the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the
trunk.

Officer:
There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver:
Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his
captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police,
and the captain approached the driver to handle the
tense situation:

Captain:
Sir, can I see your license?

Driver:
Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain:
Who's car is this?

Driver:
It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain:
Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
there's a gun in it?

Driver:
Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain:
Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said
there's a body in it.

Driver:
No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain:
I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you
said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the
car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a
dead body in the trunk.

Driver:
Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was
speeding, too

-=bmacd=-
 
Shot twelve times? They left out the fact that the office had a revolver:

BLAM!..BLAM!....BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!...BLAM!

(reload)

BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!
 
Originally posted by: BooneRebel
Shot twelve times? They left out the fact that the office had a revolver:

BLAM!..BLAM!....BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!...BLAM!

(reload)

BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!

One needs to be sure!!! The guy had a KNIFE with a 3 inch blade... no wait, thats not even a knife!

LMAO!!! 😀
 
Originally posted by: DaFinn
Originally posted by: BooneRebel
Shot twelve times? They left out the fact that the office had a revolver:

BLAM!..BLAM!....BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!...BLAM!

(reload)

BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!

One needs to be sure!!! The guy had a KNIFE with a 3 inch blade... no wait, thats not even a knife!

LMAO!!! 😀

If you are coming at me with a 3" knife, and I have a gun, (and if I have time to warn you I will, but if you persist) you are going to get shot. Multiple times. I wont aim for your knee, your arm, your shoulder, or any other Hollywood BS like that. I'll be aiming for center mass, and the only extremity I'll even think of shooting at is your head, and thats after a minimum of two hits in the chest. Let me put it to you another way:
You are in a room with a guy, who might be hyped up on PCP for all you know. Said man is handcuffed. Said man also has a 3" knife. Said man is coming at you with the knife. You have a gun. Are you going to put the gun down and try to take his knife away from him, or shoot him?
 
Originally posted by: Mookow
Originally posted by: DaFinn
Originally posted by: BooneRebel
Shot twelve times? They left out the fact that the office had a revolver:

BLAM!..BLAM!....BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!...BLAM!

(reload)

BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!

One needs to be sure!!! The guy had a KNIFE with a 3 inch blade... no wait, thats not even a knife!

LMAO!!! 😀

If you are coming at me with a 3" knife, and I have a gun, (and if I have time to warn you I will, but if you persist) you are going to get shot. Multiple times. I wont aim for your knee, your arm, your shoulder, or any other Hollywood BS like that. I'll be aiming for center mass, and the only extremity I'll even think of shooting at is your head, and thats after a minimum of two hits in the chest. Let me put it to you another way:
You are in a room with a guy, who might be hyped up on PCP for all you know. Said man is handcuffed. Said man also has a 3" knife. Said man is coming at you with the knife. You have a gun. Are you going to put the gun down and try to take his knife away from him, or shoot him?

Excellent point. A 3" blade is a knife in my book. The idiot was warned multiple times. He deserved to get shot.
 
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