How to cope w/ a family member terminal illness?

[Fx02]

Last night i was informed by my mother that my grandfather's illness has become terminal. He suffered from pancreatic cancer early this year and underdone surgery to remove some of it. Since then, he hadn't been the same. Not to mention his Alzheimer?s has gotten worse.

In the past month my grandfather went down from 155 to 120lbs. He's been expelling most of his foods and been coughing up some black stuff that looks similar to coffee. Apparently, he has a severe infection in his stomach in which can probably be corrected by surgery but at his age (83) he would come out as a vegetable. So our family came to the conclusion that it's best if keeps his dignity while he still remembers us.

Does anyone recommend things that I can do to make this situation into a positive one? Last night and this morning had been nothing but grieving.

 

[Coquito]

Appreciate the good that came of his life & let him pass with everyone around him thankful & happy.

 

[bleeb]

Pray together.... read the bible.

 

[iamme]

very sorry to hear that. i hope for the best for your family during this tough time. be there for each other and stay strong.

 

[acemcmac]

tell him how much you love him

 

[neonerd]

talk to him, be with him as long as you can, and tell him how much you love him. My grandma passed away last year from lung cancer, it was hard on all of us

she would have lived, but the docs mis-diagnosed her, and gave her the wrong treatment...by the time they realised it was wrong, it was too late

 

[BatmanNate]

As others have said, value your remaining time with him. Talk to him, learn about his life when he was young, let him know he is important. Time will heal.

 

[Anonemous]

Originally posted by: Coquito
Appreciate the good that came of his life & let him pass with everyone around him thankful & happy.

what he said. Sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is a silent killer. Hope it brings your family closer together.

 

[thaugen]

If he is not too far along, on one of his good days you could set up a video camera on a tripod and just get him talking about himself. You will cherish it and others including descendants would like it too.

 

[raanemaan]

Originally posted by: thaugen
If he is not too far along, on one of his good days you could set up a video camera on a tripod and just get him talking about himself. You will cherish it and others including descendants would like it too.

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. My dad passed away from cancer. Only had a few good weeks out of eight weeks before he passed away.

 

[LtPage1]

talk to him. hear his stories, learn as much about him as you can.

when the time comes, let him pass easily. dont cause more pain to him by keeping him alive unnaturally long. youve been given a gift- dont spoil it by trying to force more time upon him than he has.

 

[Injury]

I know it's hard to say now, but it will be a sigh of relief when he does pass.

I had a grandmother who battled breast cancer for 10+ years and it really got rough in the final months.

A few weeks before she finally passed away she was asleep most of the time and too loaded with morphine to be able to carry on a coherant conversation for too long.

Just do everything you can to ensure that he is comfortable and that you make use of the time you have with him.

Knowing the end is coming doesn't make the greiving process too much easier, but at least you won't be left with the feeling that you never got a chance to say goodbye or tell him how much you loved him.

 

[BHeemsoth]

I just went through a pretty similar experience earlier this year.

My grandfather (age 82) was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer a few days after my high school graduation on June 6th. He passed away on July 31, about 6 weeks after diagnosis.

It was tough seeing him go, but by the time the last week came around, both I and him were wishing for him to be taken soon. He was suffering severely, and it was best for him to go.

I miss him alot, and I am sure it will be worse around the holidays.

Enjoy thanksgiving with your grandfather, and hopefully christmas. This is a rough time of year for something like this to happen.

 

[Bassyhead]

I'm sorry to hear this. Cherish the time you have left. Both of my grandfathers died from cancer.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Fx02
Last night i was informed by my mother that my grandfather's illness has become terminal. He suffered from pancreatic cancer early this year and underdone surgery to remove some of it. Since then, he hadn't been the same. Not to mention his Alzheimer?s has gotten worse.

In the past month my grandfather went down from 155 to 120lbs. He's been expelling most of his foods and been coughing up some black stuff that looks similar to coffee. Apparently, he has a severe infection in his stomach in which can probably be corrected by surgery but at his age (83) he would come out as a vegetable. So our family came to the conclusion that it's best if keeps his dignity while he still remembers us.

Does anyone recommend things that I can do to make this situation into a positive one? Last night and this morning had been nothing but grieving.

my father died of cancer 9 months after it was diagnosed. he went from a healthy guy with a full head of hair to a scrawny bald guy.

all i can say is it helps to keep your sense of humor, and to give him 'lots of hugs and "i love yous"

 

[Triumph]

Originally posted by: thaugen
If he is not too far along, on one of his good days you could set up a video camera on a tripod and just get him talking about himself. You will cherish it and others including descendants would like it too.

Very good idea; a tape recorder works just as well and wouldn't be as intimidating. I wish I had done that with my mother, there's so many things I never knew about her that I'm learning now from my aunt and my dad.