how to convince your SO something is reasonable

[manowar821]

That's almost triple what I paid for my car, and my girlfriend harassed me about that for a month because it's a two door. She still brings it up.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: kranky
Either buy the house by yourself assuming you qualify, or buy it once you're married. I have read far too many disaster tales of catastrophic financial meltdown from these situations. Far too many. It's probably the single most failure-prone financial move I am aware of.

As far as how the OP is leading us to believe his situation is I would agree that he shouldn't do that yet. However, in general it really depends on how much successful experience two people have being financially tied together already. Buying a house together should not be used as way to test those waters by any means, but being married really doesn't help much either as long as you already live together and act like you are married long beforehand. On top of that, it is pretty tough these days for the average person to qualify for a good mortgage without duel income on the papers.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: Wheezer

Originally posted by: Xavier434

Originally posted by: Wheezer
When it comes to discussing large purchases with a SO and they will not budge.....one piece of advice has helped me through soooo much:

"It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to ask for permission."

I'm not saying that doesn't work sometimes, but you are really playing with fire there. That fire can become overly addictive and increasingly destructive if used too much. I know that if my SO or I justified our actions around that idea then our relationship would fail.

Well, it's not something I use often....but over the last 20 years with the same woman it's gotten me through some rough spots :laugh:

Hehe I'm not pleading innocent either.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Originally posted by: QueBert
according to her the $1,500 one is nice, I figured a high end tub would be an EASY sell to a woman, boy was I wrong. Maybe $9k is a bit extreme, I really don't make that great of money lol. But I see 8 jets, a built in heater, Chromatharapy, which I had to look it up. It's lights that change color under water, I guess to relax you. I was like "OMG I need this tub!" Her logic is a person shouldn't spend more on something like a tub than they make in a month, I think there's some real valid logic there lol. I usually don't get sucked in by bullshit worded features, but my mind is telling me I can't live without this Chromatherapy. If it was just listed as lights for the feature I'd be like "MEH!" but now I gotta experience it.

to biggestuff, that is absolutely true but we will be living together and there has to be some compromise. On little things I've been made to feel like an asshat in the past because I did something my GF didn't (not exactly this one) I somehow imagine if I basically ignore her and get the tub she will do that guilt thing females do, and then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the Chromatherapy. Females have an evil ability to make a man feel bad when they didn't even do anything. bout the Washlet, I dunno I am intrigued by a user tempature/direction controllable jet of water to wash my ass after a #2, oh and the heated seat + built in Automatic air deodorizer sound really cool. Oh and the seat automatically lifts up when you approach it and goes down when you stand up. I guess frivolous spending on something way more cool than useful or needed haha.

to Zaitsev not nutts, but stupid works for me. I mean they have an $11,500 model, so it's not like I chose the absolute most expensive one. And $9g is retail I bet I could find it for $8,000 easy lol.

The thing that stands out to me most is this line: "Chromatharapy, which I had to look it up... OMG I need this tub!" You didn't know what chromatherapy was a couple weeks ago, and now you can't live without it? It's amazing you've managed to live this long! Or maybe it's just that chromatherapy is a fancy word that they can use to sell a tub to fools for $9,000.00.

And if, by your own admission, you don't earn much money, you should not be buying the absolute highest end of... well, anything really, although it matters more for large purchases. If I am making 25k a year, I'm not shopping around for a new Corvette. It doesn't matter if you can afford the tub now; the real question is, after buying the tub, can you afford anything else? If you sit down and think it through logically, it probably doesn't make any sense at all for you to get the Cadillac of tubs when a lower model will feel nearly as good (and hell, if you want flashing lights, just get a disco ball).

That said, I'm a firm believer in living life to enjoy it. If you believe a $9,000.00 will bring you joy, maybe you should get it. You need to reach some sort of compromise with your woman, because if she sees you making giant purchases like this without her approval, she will figure that her opinion doesn't matter to you and that will cause a definite strain on the relationship. But it is your money, and if you want to be irresponsible with it for your enjoyment, go for it (hell, that's how I got my entertainment center, so it'd be hypocritical for me to tell you not to do it).

 

[antyler]

Originally posted by: dudeman007
You don't

haha well said, well said.

 

[Xavier434]

I think I would like to see this $9000 tub myself. Do you have a link to it?

 

[RKS]

Originally posted by: kranky
You're trying to solve the wrong problem. There's no point in trying to convince her that a $9,000 tub is reasonable because that's just not going to happen. That's why the whole "let met get this and you can get what you want" didn't work. That's not a compromise. To her that proposal sounds like, "Look, I want to be stupid, and you can be stupid too since that would make us even."

What you need to do is get her to understand that you have the right to spend your money as you wish, that the $9,000 tub is something you really want and will enjoy, and while you don't expect her to be thrilled about it it would be appropriate for her to respect your decision and not make you feel like an ass about it.

The issue is whether you can spend your money as you choose without having your SO get bent out of shape about it.

Since you didn't ask about opinions concerning the idea of buying a $9,000 tub, I'll stay silent on that.

I've been with my wife for almost 20 years and this is good advice. Just let the SO know that this is what you 'want', it's not about what you 'need'. Don't try to convince her, you'll feel guilty, she'll feel gullible and neither will enjoy the purchase.

I'm already prepping my wife for my GT-R purchase in a couple of years. I'm not making any 'reasonable purchase' arguments; she knows it is just something I want.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Xavier434

Originally posted by: kranky
Either buy the house by yourself assuming you qualify, or buy it once you're married. I have read far too many disaster tales of catastrophic financial meltdown from these situations. Far too many. It's probably the single most failure-prone financial move I am aware of.

As far as how the OP is leading us to believe his situation is I would agree that he shouldn't do that yet. However, in general it really depends on how much successful experience two people have being financially tied together already. Buying a house together should not be used as way to test those waters by any means, but being married really doesn't help much either as long as you already live together and act like you are married long beforehand. On top of that, it is pretty tough these days for the average person to qualify for a good mortgage without duel income on the papers.

The problem is that you can't get out of a shared mortgage unless BOTH people want to make it happen. If one person quits paying and doesn't care about the impact to their credit, the other person better be able to carry the load alone, and few people can do that (otherwise they wouldn't have gotten a joint mortgage).

I could go on and on about all the problems attached to this scenario, but the fact is it is an unnecessary financial risk to take on, and usually at the end one person is looking at foreclosure or bankruptcy while the other doesn't even care about the impact to their credit.

People can live together without tangling their finances, especially on a mortgage. It's simply unnecessary and not worth the financial risk.

 

[QueBert]

lots of good advice here for me to ponder over, but to all who are predicting finical disaster for me, I really don't buy shit, outside of my PC this tub would be the only thing I've bought in ages that cost any amount of money. But Googling around I think I found a better tub for about 1/4th the price. I get what I want, she's happy I didn't drop 9g's, life is good.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: kranky
The problem is that you can't get out of a shared mortgage unless BOTH people want to make it happen. If one person quits paying and doesn't care about the impact to their credit, the other person better be able to carry the load alone, and few people can do that (otherwise they wouldn't have gotten a joint mortgage).

I could go on and on about all the problems attached to this scenario, but the fact is it is an unnecessary financial risk to take on, and usually at the end one person is looking at foreclosure or bankruptcy while the other doesn't even care about the impact to their credit.

People can live together without tangling their finances, especially on a mortgage. It's simply unnecessary and not worth the financial risk.

True, but you are taking the exact same risks if you are married. That was my point.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: QueBert
lots of good advice here for me to ponder over, but to all who are predicting finical disaster for me, I really don't buy shit, outside of my PC this tub would be the only thing I've bought in ages that cost any amount of money. But Googling around I think I found a better tub for about 1/4th the price. I get what I want, she's happy I didn't drop 9g's, life is good.

:thumbsup:

You did the right thing.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Zaitsev
9 Grand for a tub? Are you out of your fucking mind!?

Fixed

BTW-Our neighbor bought a huge spa a number of years ago and put it in his backyard. They used it a few times a month for the first 6 months or so but that number soon dropped down to a couple times a year and now I rarely see the cover open unless he's cleaning it...

Just a little food for thought.

 

[hypn0tik]

OP is setting sail for fail. Bon voyage!

 

[skace]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Fixed

BTW-Our neighbor bought a huge spa a number of years ago and put it in his backyard. They used it a few times a month for the first 6 months or so but that number soon dropped down to a couple times a year and now I rarely see the cover open unless he's cleaning it...

Just a little food for thought.

Maybe they realized you watch them every time they get in it .......

 

[compman25]

How much are you spending on your house? It'll sure look funny if it's as fancy as zanejohnson's and you go and put a $9k tub in it.

 

[Kirby]

$9k for a tub? You better hit up RossMAN for some coupons.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: skace

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Fixed

BTW-Our neighbor bought a huge spa a number of years ago and put it in his backyard. They used it a few times a month for the first 6 months or so but that number soon dropped down to a couple times a year and now I rarely see the cover open unless he's cleaning it...

Just a little food for thought.

Maybe they realized you watch them every time they get in it .......

:laugh:

 

[ultimatebob]

I recommend calling Suze Orman and letting her completely DESTROY your idea of buying a $9,000 hot tub on her "Can I afford it?" segment. She seems to be extra tough on guys who call in, too

How about a $4,000 hot tub? Sounds like a good compromise to me!

 

[PingSpike]

OP: My advice is to be happy your better half is available to talk you out of such purchases. I recommend surrendering your mancard to her for the sake of your financial future.

 

[Modelworks]

I agree.
Your SO should beat you senseless for even considering a $9K tub.

 

[Saulbadguy]

:camera:'s?

 

[runzwithsizorz]

When your young and single, having a big 8 person hot tub is great, (aah, the memories).
Then you get married, the novelty wears off, you no longer use it that much, BUT, your kids do, so its ok. Then the kids move out, and your stuck with a huge money pit in your patio, yes Virginia they cost money to maintain, even if you don't use them.
<------ been there done that.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: runzwithsizorz
When your young and single, having a big 8 person hot tub is great, (aah, the memories).
Then you get married, the novelty wears off, you no longer use it that much, BUT, your kids do, so its ok. Then the kids move out, and your stuck with a huge money pit in your patio, yes Virginia they cost money to maintain, even if you don't use them.
<------ been there done that.

That story adds up to many years of fine usage though. I'd say it was worth it.

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: Saulbadguy
:camera:'s? of your SO while in the tub nekkid

Fixed

 

[QueBert]

Originally posted by: nkgreen
$9k for a tub? You better hit up RossMAN for some coupons.

LOL I didn't even think about that, he could probably find a way to get me the tub for like $2,500 shipped.

great idea man, I love ATOT.