how to convince your SO something is reasonable

[rasczak]

just tell her the tub is for kinky sex later on ;

 

[SoulAssassin]

Dude, I'm all about having the nicest things but 9k for a tub is insane. You could get a nice tub and an outdoor jacuzzi for less than that.

 

[daveymark]

Originally posted by: TrueBlueLS
She probably figures if you're too lazy to wipe your own butt, you couldn't take care of a $9,000 tub.

if you got sh!t on your hands, would you just smear it all over the place with a towel, or would you wash your hands in water ?

 

[skace]

Explain to her what all the water jets are for.

 

[SoulAssassin]

Originally posted by: skace
Explain to her what all the water jets are for.

I was thinking the same thing but wasn't going to take it there...but does she really need 9 of them?

 

[sixone]

If she's already in charge of your checkbook, you might as well get married. I just don't get the mentality of a chick who will tell her BF how/not to spend his money.

That said, $9k for a hot tub is just silly.
Unless you're renting it out on weekends.

 

[yhelothar]

Additionally, if something like this looks so appealing to you, perhaps you can get a health club membership to be able to have access to one of these tubs with a much smaller monthly payment?
Perhaps through a few months of experience with it, you can decide if it's really worth it to invest $9000, to have lifelong access to that tub, over paying yearly membership fees.

I'm sure you gf would be much more considerate of you purchasing such a tub if you brought the idea up to her like that. It'd make it seem a lot more reasonable if you can show that the $9000 can actually save you money and provide convenience over a health club membership.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: astroidea

Originally posted by: kranky
You're trying to solve the wrong problem. There's no point in trying to convince her that a $9,000 tub is reasonable because that's just not going to happen. That's why the whole "let met get this and you can get what you want" didn't work. That's not a compromise. To her that proposal sounds like, "Look, I want to be stupid, and you can be stupid too since that would make us even."

What you need to do is get her to understand that you have the right to spend your money as you wish, that the $9,000 tub is something you really want and will enjoy, and while you don't expect her to be thrilled about it it would be appropriate for her to respect your decision and not make you feel like an ass about it.

The issue is whether you can spend your money as you choose without having your SO get bent out of shape about it.

Since you didn't ask about opinions concerning the idea of buying a $9,000 tub, I'll stay silent on that.

:thumbsup:
Best answer here IMO. Straight to the core of the issue.

Yes, this is a good answer and it works well with my SO and I.

However, it is important to note that this solution only works when it comes hand in hand with some reasonable judgment and financial responsibility. To put it plain and simple, it is ok to splurge on something like that every once in a while if you can afford it. However, playing that card too often or at the wrong time is a bad idea and will cause problems despite how much you may believe you have the right to do what you wish with your money.

In regards to the tub itself and the price, I highly recommend you study the features of this tub and do some comparison shopping first. It's very possible you will find the exact same tub for cheaper or you will find a competitor which sells the same quality tub at a better price. There is also the possibility of digging up an online coupon for the store you want to buy from which gives you a discount off any purchase.

 

[Ramma2]

I told my wife we had too many damn blankets around the house and we're donating some to Goodwill and thats final. Then she said we should keep them, to cover the windows during a zombie apocalypse.

We kept the blankets.

Tell your SO you can hide in the tub when the zombies come.

 

[paulxcook]

1.) $9000 for a tub is stupid no matter how rich you are

2.) While it is your money, it will also be her house, correct? If you aren't married she really can't tell you not to buy the tub, but she has the right to not want that tub in a house that is partially hers.

3.) You can use this to get something else that you want that you don't think she'd ever go for, but costs less. Get mad about how she's trying to control YOUR money that YOU earned at YOUR job, then bring it up as a compromise later. If you can't have your $9000 tub, then you want your $5000 whatever. She might be relieved enough to just cave in to whatever the new thing is.

4.) Even if you come around and realize that $9000 for a tub is stupid (you say you know, but you don't believe it yet apparently), it's probably important for you to establish that you've decided against it because you came around, not because she told you to.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: QueBert
looking to get a place with my SO, well not until around January but it's in the planning stage. I've always rented and put up with lack of what I wanted because I'm not going to dump money into a place I don't own and won't be at for a long time. The one thing I want is a huge whirlpool tub. I brought this up she's telling me they have plenty of nice ones for like $1,500 or less. According to her I don't "need" 8 jets. and I don't "need" neck pillows with neck jets. and I don't "need" a wireless remote control to control the heater/jets. She's pretty much right lol but this is the one thing I'm after. She says we should save money and be smart and sensible. Fine yeah whatever, but the tiny voice in my head won't let me stop thinking about the uber $9,000 model.

being the smart man I am, or at least thought I was. I offered a compromise where I get my tub and she can have whatever she wants with no objection from me. Apparently she wants "nothing really" and is trying to make me feel like an ass hat because I want a nice tub. So she's against an expensive tub, but has no problem with me wanting a $750 Toto washlet (electronic toilet set) which I find to be far less reasonable.

I've never lived with a female, just dated so this moving in thing is going to be a big adjustment to me, I would love some pointers on how to get what I want in my house. I don't expect much but there are a few things I'm dead set on. I talked her into a 50" Panny Plasma & a few smaller things so I guess I got some of it down. But how do you reason with a female who has her mind made up? Up until now the biggest obstacles I had to deal with was where we went to eat, or what we were going to do. Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

I predict financial doom in your near future.
Save your 9G for a downpayment on a house, or invest it...

 

[Chryso]

She needs to find a smarter man.

 

[Vette73]

How about this...


60 X 42 Tube


Its the one I have installed in our house. Just need to put the tile around it now.

 

[Wheezer]

When it comes to discussing large purchases with a SO and they will not budge.....one piece of advice has helped me through soooo much:

"It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to ask for permission."

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: Wheezer
When it comes to discussing large purchases with a SO and they will not budge.....one piece of advice has helped me through soooo much:

"It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to ask for permission."

I'm not saying that doesn't work sometimes, but you are really playing with fire there. That fire can become overly addictive and increasingly destructive if used too much. I know that if my SO or I justified our actions around that idea then our relationship would fail.

 

[SpunkyJones]

Spend the money. As a marriage veteran I've found that its always easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Appeal to her emotions.

her emotions > logic/reason

But not for nothing the whirlpool deal is most effective when you are single.

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: QueBert
Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

Your not. Run now while the running is easy. I'm not shitting you here, splitting up with a mortgage is going to be a huge pain in the ass. And more then likely she will get the house and your 9 grand tub.....

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: biggestmuff
You aren't married. She's not your wife so has no financial say in what you purchase. Buy the tub. Why do you need the Toto washlet, though? The toilet is right next to a tub or shower. Just hop in and clean up right after.

Bullshit.

If your going to rack up 150-500k plus in debt together she damn sure does have a say in what he does with his money. The exception is if the mortgage is in his name only, but thats a pretty thin excuse.

 

[d33pt]

from the title, i thought you were going to get a motorcycle or something cool like that. but a tub? that's for girls. neckjets?!?!?!

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Specop 007

Originally posted by: QueBert
Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

Your not. Run now while the running is easy. I'm not shitting you here, splitting up with a mortgage is going to be a huge pain in the ass. And more then likely she will get the house and your 9 grand tub.....

Whoa, did I miss that? The OP is going to buy a house with his SO?

I amend my earlier response to say only this:

DO. NOT. DO. IT.

Either buy the house by yourself assuming you qualify, or buy it once you're married. I have read far too many disaster tales of catastrophic financial meltdown from these situations. Far too many. It's probably the single most failure-prone financial move I am aware of.

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: Specop 007

Originally posted by: QueBert
Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

Your not. Run now while the running is easy. I'm not shitting you here, splitting up with a mortgage is going to be a huge pain in the ass. And more then likely she will get the house and your 9 grand tub.....

Whoa, did I miss that? The OP is going to buy a house with his SO?

I amend my earlier response to say only this:

DO. NOT. DO. IT.

Either buy the house by yourself assuming you qualify, or buy it once you're married. I have read far too many disaster tales of catastrophic financial meltdown from these situations. Far too many. It's probably the single most failure-prone financial move I am aware of.

Based on the OP yes. What isnt laid out is the financial arrangement...ie....Are both parties on the mortgage? if yes, then you damn right she has a say in how his money is spent. If its just her name she has even more say as he will be considered a renter, and if its in his name only she doesnt have nearly as much of a leg to stand on but again, as she will be considered a renter along with him yes she has a say.

No matter how you paint it the OP is a damned bloody fool and has no business being with this girl in this arrangement.

Originally posted by: QueBert
looking to get a place with my SO, well not until around January but it's in the planning stage. I've always rented and put up with lack of what I wanted because I'm not going to dump money into a place I don't own and won't be at for a long time.

I've never lived with a female, just dated so this moving in thing is going to be a big adjustment to me, I would love some pointers on how to get what I want in my house. I don't expect much but there are a few things I'm dead set on. I talked her into a 50" Panny Plasma & a few smaller things so I guess I got some of it down. But how do you reason with a female who has her mind made up? Up until now the biggest obstacles I had to deal with was where we went to eat, or what we were going to do. Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

 

[Old Hippie]

Kranky has posted all the intelligent advise you need to know.

Don't buy a house together unless you're married.

Spend your money the want you want to.


Good Luck!

 

[apac]

Originally posted by: Ramma2
I told my wife we had too many damn blankets around the house and we're donating some to Goodwill and thats final. Then she said we should keep them, to cover the windows during a zombie apocalypse.

We kept the blankets.

Tell your SO you can hide in the tub when the zombies come.

lol, keeper.

 

[Wheezer]

Originally posted by: Xavier434

Originally posted by: Wheezer
When it comes to discussing large purchases with a SO and they will not budge.....one piece of advice has helped me through soooo much:

"It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to ask for permission."

I'm not saying that doesn't work sometimes, but you are really playing with fire there. That fire can become overly addictive and increasingly destructive if used too much. I know that if my SO or I justified our actions around that idea then our relationship would fail.

Well, it's not something I use often....but over the last 20 years with the same woman it's gotten me through some rough spots :laugh: