how to convince your SO something is reasonable

[QueBert]

looking to get a place with my SO, well not until around January but it's in the planning stage. I've always rented and put up with lack of what I wanted because I'm not going to dump money into a place I don't own and won't be at for a long time. The one thing I want is a huge whirlpool tub. I brought this up she's telling me they have plenty of nice ones for like $1,500 or less. According to her I don't "need" 8 jets. and I don't "need" neck pillows with neck jets. and I don't "need" a wireless remote control to control the heater/jets. She's pretty much right lol but this is the one thing I'm after. She says we should save money and be smart and sensible. Fine yeah whatever, but the tiny voice in my head won't let me stop thinking about the uber $9,000 model.

being the smart man I am, or at least thought I was. I offered a compromise where I get my tub and she can have whatever she wants with no objection from me. Apparently she wants "nothing really" and is trying to make me feel like an ass hat because I want a nice tub. So she's against an expensive tub, but has no problem with me wanting a $750 Toto washlet (electronic toilet set) which I find to be far less reasonable.

I've never lived with a female, just dated so this moving in thing is going to be a big adjustment to me, I would love some pointers on how to get what I want in my house. I don't expect much but there are a few things I'm dead set on. I talked her into a 50" Panny Plasma & a few smaller things so I guess I got some of it down. But how do you reason with a female who has her mind made up? Up until now the biggest obstacles I had to deal with was where we went to eat, or what we were going to do. Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

 

[Bill Brasky]

9 Grand for a tub? Are you nuts!?

 

[biggestmuff]

You aren't married. She's not your wife so has no financial say in what you purchase. Buy the tub. Why do you need the Toto washlet, though? The toilet is right next to a tub or shower. Just hop in and clean up right after.

 

[dudeman007]

You don't

 

[Fullmetal Chocobo]

I understand there are all kinds of people in this world, but a woman to refuse a nice bath tub? That's a new one.

 

[UncleWai]

I think your SO is not being reasonable. She should be beating you with a spiked club already for considering a $9000 tub.

 

[QueBert]

Originally posted by: Fullmetal Chocobo
I understand there are all kinds of people in this world, but a woman to refuse a nice bath tub? That's a new one.

according to her the $1,500 one is nice, I figured a high end tub would be an EASY sell to a woman, boy was I wrong. Maybe $9k is a bit extreme, I really don't make that great of money lol. But I see 8 jets, a built in heater, Chromatharapy, which I had to look it up. It's lights that change color under water, I guess to relax you. I was like "OMG I need this tub!" Her logic is a person shouldn't spend more on something like a tub than they make in a month, I think there's some real valid logic there lol. I usually don't get sucked in by bullshit worded features, but my mind is telling me I can't live without this Chromatherapy. If it was just listed as lights for the feature I'd be like "MEH!" but now I gotta experience it.

to biggestuff, that is absolutely true but we will be living together and there has to be some compromise. On little things I've been made to feel like an asshat in the past because I did something my GF didn't (not exactly this one) I somehow imagine if I basically ignore her and get the tub she will do that guilt thing females do, and then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the Chromatherapy. Females have an evil ability to make a man feel bad when they didn't even do anything. bout the Washlet, I dunno I am intrigued by a user tempature/direction controllable jet of water to wash my ass after a #2, oh and the heated seat + built in Automatic air deodorizer sound really cool. Oh and the seat automatically lifts up when you approach it and goes down when you stand up. I guess frivolous spending on something way more cool than useful or needed haha.

to Zaitsev not nutts, but stupid works for me. I mean they have an $11,500 model, so it's not like I chose the absolute most expensive one. And $9g is retail I bet I could find it for $8,000 easy lol.

 

[rockyct]

Originally posted by: QueBert

Originally posted by: Fullmetal Chocobo
I understand there are all kinds of people in this world, but a woman to refuse a nice bath tub? That's a new one.

according to her the $1,500 one is nice, I figured a high end tub would be an EASY sell to a woman, boy was I wrong. Maybe $9k is a bit extreme, I really don't make that great of money lol. But I see 8 jets, a built in heater, Chromatharapy, which I had to look it up. It's lights that change color under water, I guess to relax you. I was like "OMG I need this tub!" Her logic is a person shouldn't spend more on something like a tub than they make in a month, I think there's some real valid logic there lol. I usually don't get sucked in by bullshit worded features, but my mind is telling me I can't live without this Chromatherapy. If it was just listed as lights for the feature I'd be like "MEH!" but now I gotta experience it.

to biggestuff, that is absolutely true but we will be living together and there has to be some compromise. On little things I've been made to feel like an asshat in the past because I did something my GF didn't (not exactly this one) I somehow imagine if I basically ignore her and get the tub she will do that guilt thing females do, and then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the Chromatherapy. Females have an evil ability to make a man feel bad when they didn't even do anything. bout the Washlet, I dunno I am intrigued by a user tempature/direction controllable jet of water to wash my ass after a #2, oh and the heated seat + built in Automatic air deodorizer sound really cool. Oh and the seat automatically lifts up when you approach it and goes down when you stand up. I guess frivolous spending on something way more cool than useful or needed haha.

to Zaitsev not nutts, but stupid works for me. I mean they have an $11,500 model, so it's not like I chose the absolute most expensive one. And $9g is retail I bet I could find it for $8,000 easy lol.

Look at it this way. If you ever want to share that tub with her, you'll buy the $1,500 one.

 

[QueBert]

Originally posted by: rockyct

Originally posted by: QueBert

Originally posted by: Fullmetal Chocobo
I understand there are all kinds of people in this world, but a woman to refuse a nice bath tub? That's a new one.

according to her the $1,500 one is nice, I figured a high end tub would be an EASY sell to a woman, boy was I wrong. Maybe $9k is a bit extreme, I really don't make that great of money lol. But I see 8 jets, a built in heater, Chromatharapy, which I had to look it up. It's lights that change color under water, I guess to relax you. I was like "OMG I need this tub!" Her logic is a person shouldn't spend more on something like a tub than they make in a month, I think there's some real valid logic there lol. I usually don't get sucked in by bullshit worded features, but my mind is telling me I can't live without this Chromatherapy. If it was just listed as lights for the feature I'd be like "MEH!" but now I gotta experience it.

to biggestuff, that is absolutely true but we will be living together and there has to be some compromise. On little things I've been made to feel like an asshat in the past because I did something my GF didn't (not exactly this one) I somehow imagine if I basically ignore her and get the tub she will do that guilt thing females do, and then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the Chromatherapy. Females have an evil ability to make a man feel bad when they didn't even do anything. bout the Washlet, I dunno I am intrigued by a user tempature/direction controllable jet of water to wash my ass after a #2, oh and the heated seat + built in Automatic air deodorizer sound really cool. Oh and the seat automatically lifts up when you approach it and goes down when you stand up. I guess frivolous spending on something way more cool than useful or needed haha.

to Zaitsev not nutts, but stupid works for me. I mean they have an $11,500 model, so it's not like I chose the absolute most expensive one. And $9g is retail I bet I could find it for $8,000 easy lol.

Look at it this way. If you ever want to share that tub with her, you'll buy the $1,500 one.

You bring up a very valid point, a huge tub built to hold 2 means nothing when you got a woman who refuses to join you in it. But on the other hand she could see this one and come around. But the safe bet is to go with her idea and be able to bath together.

females always win it's not fair haha. Hay at least I'm getting the Plasma, TV is better than a damn whirlpool tub anywho

 

[yhelothar]

While you're shopping for those spas, I'd consider one of those isolation chambers too.

 

[TrueBlueLS]

She probably figures if you're too lazy to wipe your own butt, you couldn't take care of a $9,000 tub.

 

[BrownTown]

All I can think of here is that the MAN wants a nice tub and the WOMEN wants "nothing really"... I mean on one side I might question your manhood here for wanting a $9000 tub, and I might also question her womanhood for NOT wanting one. But I guess in the end all I can say is if its really worth $9000 to you its your damn money so you can feal free to COMPLETELY WASTE it all you want .

Oh and the answer to how to reason with a women who hsa made her mind up is that you can't its impossible, your probably gonna here shit about this for the rest of your life. Hell, ATOT forumers might give you shit about this for hte rest of your life .

 

[CptCrunch]

9k for a tub? dear god man, it'd better come with free BJs too

 

[Zee]

how would you convince someone like yourself if you was her? maybe it just cant be done and you just have to go through with it

 

[kranky]

You're trying to solve the wrong problem. There's no point in trying to convince her that a $9,000 tub is reasonable because that's just not going to happen. That's why the whole "let met get this and you can get what you want" didn't work. That's not a compromise. To her that proposal sounds like, "Look, I want to be stupid, and you can be stupid too since that would make us even."

What you need to do is get her to understand that you have the right to spend your money as you wish, that the $9,000 tub is something you really want and will enjoy, and while you don't expect her to be thrilled about it it would be appropriate for her to respect your decision and not make you feel like an ass about it.

The issue is whether you can spend your money as you choose without having your SO get bent out of shape about it.

Since you didn't ask about opinions concerning the idea of buying a $9,000 tub, I'll stay silent on that.

 

[PlasmaBomb]

Oh and the seat automatically lifts up when you approach it

Would that not really annoy your SO? you know how women are about toilet seats being up...

If you ever want to share that tub with her, you'll buy the $1,500 one.

Seconded rockyct, that had crossed my mind too

 

[YetioDoom]

Originally posted by: QueBert

Originally posted by: Fullmetal Chocobo
I understand there are all kinds of people in this world, but a woman to refuse a nice bath tub? That's a new one.

according to her the $1,500 one is nice, I figured a high end tub would be an EASY sell to a woman, boy was I wrong. Maybe $9k is a bit extreme, I really don't make that great of money lol. But I see 8 jets, a built in heater, Chromatharapy, which I had to look it up. It's lights that change color under water, I guess to relax you. I was like "OMG I need this tub!" Her logic is a person shouldn't spend more on something like a tub than they make in a month, I think there's some real valid logic there lol. I usually don't get sucked in by bullshit worded features, but my mind is telling me I can't live without this Chromatherapy. If it was just listed as lights for the feature I'd be like "MEH!" but now I gotta experience it.

to biggestuff, that is absolutely true but we will be living together and there has to be some compromise. On little things I've been made to feel like an asshat in the past because I did something my GF didn't (not exactly this one) I somehow imagine if I basically ignore her and get the tub she will do that guilt thing females do, and then I wouldn't be able to enjoy the Chromatherapy. Females have an evil ability to make a man feel bad when they didn't even do anything. bout the Washlet, I dunno I am intrigued by a user tempature/direction controllable jet of water to wash my ass after a #2, oh and the heated seat + built in Automatic air deodorizer sound really cool. Oh and the seat automatically lifts up when you approach it and goes down when you stand up. I guess frivolous spending on something way more cool than useful or needed haha.

to Zaitsev not nutts, but stupid works for me. I mean they have an $11,500 model, so it's not like I chose the absolute most expensive one. And $9g is retail I bet I could find it for $8,000 easy lol.

I see financial disaster in your future.

 

[yhelothar]

Originally posted by: kranky
You're trying to solve the wrong problem. There's no point in trying to convince her that a $9,000 tub is reasonable because that's just not going to happen. That's why the whole "let met get this and you can get what you want" didn't work. That's not a compromise. To her that proposal sounds like, "Look, I want to be stupid, and you can be stupid too since that would make us even."

What you need to do is get her to understand that you have the right to spend your money as you wish, that the $9,000 tub is something you really want and will enjoy, and while you don't expect her to be thrilled about it it would be appropriate for her to respect your decision and not make you feel like an ass about it.

The issue is whether you can spend your money as you choose without having your SO get bent out of shape about it.

Since you didn't ask about opinions concerning the idea of buying a $9,000 tub, I'll stay silent on that.

:thumbsup:
Best answer here IMO. Straight to the core of the issue.

 

[cherrytwist]

I've never lived with a female, just dated so this moving in thing is going to be a big adjustment to me, I would love some pointers on how to get what I want in my house. I don't expect much but there are a few things I'm dead set on. I talked her into a 50" Panny Plasma & a few smaller things so I guess I got some of it down. But how do you reason with a female who has her mind made up? Up until now the biggest obstacles I had to deal with was where we went to eat, or what we were going to do. Home issues UGH I don't know if I'm ready for all this lol.

Wow, GL with that.

Seriously, if you want things your way maybe you should be living alone.

Compromise is part of a monogamous relationship. Deal with it.

 

[Throckmorton]

You want to waste $7500? You must be rich if you can spend that much on a hot tub and not feel guilty. That's what my car cost.


A $700 toilet seat makes sense because it cleans your butt every time you use it.

 

[vi edit]

The $7500 saved will buy one hell of an engagement ring.

 

[Snapster]

Maybe she's got the other $7500 marked down for something else.....

 

[slsmnaz]

so you go from the $1500 model straight to the $9k model? I can assure you there are tubs in between that will suit every one of your needs. I'd advise a little extra shopping before buying that sucker. But it is your money and our industry is hurting so...

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: vi edit
The $7500 saved will buy one hell of an engagement ring.

Hey, you! Put down that gasoline!

 

[Throckmorton]

Originally posted by: slsmnaz
so you go from the $1500 model straight to the $9k model? I can assure you there are tubs in between that will suit every one of your needs. I'd advise a little extra shopping before buying that sucker. But it is your money and our industry is hurting so...

He's one of those ignorant consumers who sees the most expensive model and "has to have it".