How to conduct a corporate battle

mozirry

Senior member
Sep 18, 2006
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I started my job as a low level paper filer almost 3 years ago. I had absolutely no experience out of college (majored in History FTL ), so it was tough getting a job period when I had 0 contacts in the city where i work. I never thought I would enjoy the corporate / cubicle world, but I tend to treat it like an interesting game of chess.

I am not successful yet by any means (I am definitely still very poor), but I consider myself half-way through the battle of taking this company by the throat.


#1, destroy all of your work infront of you and always put out 100% in accuracy. This impresses management and will give you leverage when it comes to advancing.

#2, always be there to help others after hours and during the day, this will cause others to rely on you for support/guidance, and will help in the coming days when you are managing those same people

#3, Gauge your relationships with people very carefully, some people want nothing but positive non-work related crap, others only want work, etc... Make sure that people feel like there is some unique "connection"

#4, Find your niche in your workplace, focus on that goal, and once achieved, put out a phenomenal work product

#5, Once your work product is established, make it so that you are the only person in the entire office who can conduct that job with success. Train others who support you or who are below you well, but not well enough to replace you. The best way to accomplish this is to "baby" your employees. Always answer their questions and go out of your way to help them put out a great work product. They will almost always tend to rely to you. The idea is to have everything running smooth and efficient when you are present, but when you are gone, there is chaos which magically leaves when you return.

#6, If you focused your niche wisely, you will have chosen an area of financial importance with your corporation, Take your importance and ensure that you have a non-spoken presence of constant visibility with your client's and your management (always be the one to communicate with client/management, always be the one to follow through with creating a more efficient process for underlings, etc..)

#7, Once you have cemented your image of respect, control, charisma, and most importantly perfection, you can begin moving your main chess peices in for the kill. Make sure when you are at this point to always remain "humble" and to never at any point show a cocky attitude. Keep the image of a simple monk doing his duty and people will never hate you for your success.

The final move-
You can either suggest moving on to a different company which would cripple your business financially (Maybe say you are interested in going back to school to pursue a "socially acceptable" career like teaching or maybe to be a doctor to "make more money", don't say you are moving to a competitor) Have this coincide a few weeks before your salary review.
Or maybe you can wait patiently for someone in upper management to move and then immediately take command of the position.
 
May 31, 2001
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Originally posted by: mozirry
Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven
I prefer the following method.

Part 1

Part 2

omg i love that movie hahah
that part is so random

It was the first thing that I thought of when I read your thread title, and I could not resist posting it. Sorry. :D

Hmm, you could make a PowerPoint presentation out of your original post, and intersperse the talking points with clips from the movie to illustrate them. :D
 

mozirry

Senior member
Sep 18, 2006
760
1
0
Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven
Originally posted by: mozirry
Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven
I prefer the following method.

Part 1

Part 2

omg i love that movie hahah
that part is so random

It was the first thing that I thought of when I read your thread title, and I could not resist posting it. Sorry. :D

Hmm, you could make a PowerPoint presentation out of your original post, and intersperse the talking points with clips from the movie to illustrate them. :D

That would be hilarious. I would love to sabotage someones "corporate seminar" crap with bits and peices of that.

I still want to be a park ranger
 

gotsmack

Diamond Member
Mar 4, 2001
5,768
0
71
if you can;t be replaced you can't be promoted.

And a good portion of the stuff you wrote will only work in small companies.