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How to break bad news to my parents?

K

kyutip

Golden Member
My brother just confessed to me that he used to do drug, used to steal, and others. However, he said that he had stopped doing it because of his concience (BTW, he let me know this because he needed to borrow some money from me).
The thing is, I am not sure that he did not do this anymore. He is 22 and I am his older sibling. How am I going to break this news to my parents? This is not his first time either, he once swore that he had stopped, but then he did it again. I am determine this time that my family has the right to know about this. 🙁
I have to call my parents since they live in a different country. My brother also live in a different country than I or My parents live.
How do you break a bad news to your parents via telephone without them freaking out?
also I don't want my parents to use my info and caused my brother not to trust me anymore.
 
Well for one, reconsider loaning him that money. If he needs help w/some groceries or something that might be OK, but I'd say no to cash.

As for letting your parents know... will it really do any good? It might just get them upset but then they could not do a thing to rectify the situation. OTOH, if you think telling will help your brother get off the drugs then use your own judgement in how you go about it. Just straightforward would seem the best, hard to work it into chit-chat type of convo.
 
I am not trying to be a rat. However, he is fully 100% financially supported by my parents to go to school abroad. He used to say that he forgot to pay the tuition $8,000 and wanted my parents to send another $8,000 and they did. He also said that he once borrowed money from his friends to fincance his habit. Recently, he asked for more money for a car. I don't want my parents hard earned money to go to drug and stuff. I think they have the right to know, don't you guys think so? I am just afraid that if this thing go on and on, I will eventually be responsible for his action by not acting early on.
 

You have to stop and think if breaking the news to your parent is going to make them feel better then go ahead, otherwise shut up and try to help your brother. It could be that your brother is looking for help, and you can't provide it to him because you aren't train as a counselor. You could seek professional advice to see which is the best course of action to take if you want to help him out. Good luck 🙁
 
Yes, your parents have the right to know, since they are funding him. It sort of sounds like they don't want to suspect anything though, I mean they just forked over another $8K without any questions??
 
1) Don't lend him money. Family + Loaned Money = Hell.
2) Give your brother X number of days to contact your parents. Give him an exact time that if he doesn't call, you will let them know for him. It has gone too far, and you won't stand by while he takes advantage of them to feed his habit.
3) He has not quit. You know in your heart. You don't forget to pay $8000 and need it again. It went to some dope dealer so he could start some other kid off with freebies....
4) Follow through. Do not make it comfortable for him to be hooked. Do not look the other way. This is your brother, your blood, your family. Make him admit to your parents he has a problem.

Drug addicts become professional manipulators very quickly.. they are experts in making you feel guilty. Refuse to be guilty. Find what is right and stick to it.
 
thanks guys for the advice.
I'll call my brother tomorrow morning and see how this goes.
Crossing my finger that this will go as smoothly as possible
 
I agree that you need to try to get your brother to confess to your parents, give him a date, if he hasn't done it, you do it.
 
i've lost several friends to drugs. I've also seen a few turn their lives around and come back from self-destruction. The only ones who clean up and STAY cleaned up, are the ones who choose to for their own reasons. I do think that interventions are sometimes neccessary, and perhaps even an ultimatum...but i honestly don't think that forcing him into a decision is going to stick. He has to want to change, and for reasons he chooses. The trick is to find out just what is important enough to him to make him change his life. Usually it's a lover, a child, a true friend, a death of someone close, or hitting bottom. Try finding something he treasures, and find a way to show him how he's going to lose that very thing if he continues on the path he's currently on. g'luck, drugs are never easy to deal with. drugs are suck
 
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