There's no difference in memory usage between DX10 or 9, and the memory size is fairly irrelevant, you want a graphics processor (GPU) that is powerful enough to last you three years. Heck, I could pick up a 7300GT 512MB right now, but it wouldn't even come close to being powerful enough to run any of today's games at that resolution. A 8800GTS 320MB, on the other hand, runs today's games pretty well, though it's showing its age (you'd want the updated 8800GTS SSC 320MB).
Since you're wanting this thing to do well for quite a while, I'd wait until the 8800GT 256MB is released, and then compare (through benchmarks on tech sites like this one) how it matches up against the 8800GT 512.