- Aug 15, 2000
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Copied from another forum that shall remain linkless...
Mid July 2005, very hot, very humid, early after noon, Air conditioner on the 3rd floor cuts out...(my floor). I am sitting in an Interview room, 10'x12' , 2 chairs, on opposite sides of a small table. My case jacket and paper work are arranged neatly infront of me. I am interviewing Mr. Slimeball, a possible suspect in the theft of a greeting card from the briefcase belonging to the wife of the Pastor at a local church. She is 66 yrs old. Mr. Slimball, who gets free meals at the church, is 34.
Offense is a class C misdemeanor, the lowest offense range possible in Texas, value of the greeting cards is estimated at $2.38. I have no evidence what-so-ever against Mr. Slimeball, he is simply the only person who had access that is not a church employee.
Detective: Good afternoon Mr. Slimeball (names have been changed to protect the stupid) Are you clear on why we are here today?
Slimeball: Ya, you think I stole some stuff. (foul language ommitted)
Det. Correct. Before we start, I'm going to read you your rights; You have the right blah blah blah..(yes, I read them all) Do you understand these rights?
Slime: Ya
Det. Sign here please. (he signs the card I read to him, I notorize, it now is entered into evidence and is a court document, item is laid in the middle of the table) <---Important later-
Det: Do you know Mrs.Victim?
Slime: I seen her slutty *ss around, ya.
Det: Where have you seen her?
Slime: At the ***** ********* Church
Det. On Brosthill rd?
Slime: Ya.
Det. Why do you consider her slutty?
Slime: She wears high heels...
Det. Ok. Have you ever seen the briefcase she carries?
Slime: Not sure...maybe....she carries lots of stuff...
Det. Like what...?
Slime: some briefcase.
Det. Ok. Anything else?
Slime: No not really..just some ugly *ss briefcase.
Det. Have you ever had in your possession, this ugly briefcase she carries?
Slime: Now why the *ell would I carry around some ugly *ss briefcase that belongs to that highheel wear'n slutty lady!? (voice is rising)
Det. I'm not sure. Have you?
Slime: No *od *amn you! I'm not no d*mn *ag! (stands up)
Det. Sit down Mr. Slimeball. (he sits)
Det. Have you ever seen whats inside the briefcase?
Slime. I told you I aint never done touched no d*mn sluts briefcase!!! (stands up again)
Det. Mr. Slimeball, please sit down. (he doesnt)
/Mr. Slimeball grabs the Miranda card he signed and tears it up yelling "this is F*cking B*llsh*t! You dont have sh*t on me you m*ther-f*cking c*ck-s*cker!. -he then grabs my paperwork and tears it up and throws it in my face. I move around the table towards him, he kicks at me and misses. I try soothing words of comfort, to no avail. I employ 'Verbal Judo'(TM), it has no effect. As I look to see a uniformed officer enter the room, Mr. Slimeball smacks me in the head with his cell phone, causing a small cut over my left eye. I proceed to gently grab him by the throat with my right hand, and leverage my left hand into his pelvic region, I then firmly but carefully lift him and for his safety, I press him against the concrete wall of the interview room. I assume he has given up as he complies with my commands by going limp. He is then lowered to the floor with the upmost care where he is handcuffed and transported to the county jail for:
Destruction of Evidence (tearing up the miranda card) 3rd Degree Felony
Assault on a Police Officer 2nd Degree Felony
Possible time if convicted- 10-30 yrs.
Dont tell me I cant fill MY quota!
Proving yet again..that how much trouble you get into, is directly related to how stupid you are.
-det
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