How much time does a meaningful (beyond the physical) relationship require?

[Flyback]

Most of the relationships I've had have failed because I'm absent (such as when I was overly focused on college and working part-time). I look at my parents and feel that one reason their marriage of 28 years has lasted is because they spend so much time together.

How much time do you think a meaningful relationship requires? Say you live together. Beyond simply sharing the same apartment, how much is spent on engaging in conversation, going out, spending lots of one-on-one time, etc.

When I say meaningful, I mean someone you want to spend your life with--eventually marry once you have finished college/grad school. Alternatively, married couples who see themselves as success are welcome to chime in too!

Putting a number to it seems rather cold and "job"-like, but I'm trying to see if I could balance anything serious over the coming few years. 20-25 hours a week is all I could see myself putting in to it. Perhaps 30 hours if we tried really hard and shared hobbies.

 

[SociallyChallenged]

Honestly, to be able to stand a person for that long, you have to really want to be with them. If you lived together, while you were going to college and working part-time, you would probably want to spend time with your S.O. whenever you weren't working, doing homework, etc. You can go out, sit around, watch a movie, talk, fool around, whatever. Meaning in a relationship comes from the desire of both sides to be with the other.

 

[Zenmervolt]

The answer that comes to mind is, "how much time do you have?".

ZV

 

[UncleWai]

It's not quantity, it's quality.

 

[Kadarin]

Why do I get the feeling that you're approaching the whole concept from the wrong point of view? You don't punch a clock and invest x amount of time into it, expecting it to just work out...

 

[Flyback]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Why do I get the feeling that you're approaching the whole concept from the wrong point of view? You don't punch a clock and invest x amount of time into it, expecting it to just work out...

As I said, putting a number to it seems rather cold. But it comes down to how much time is put into it that makes it successful. I'd rather approach it with a chance of success, rather than being at a point in life where I do not have enough time to put into it. At least then I can walk away and save me and her both the time and pain of it falling apart in a bad way.

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: UncleWai
It's not quantity, it's quality.

I don't think that really applies here. If a couple worked alternate shifts and saw each other maybe 3 days out of the month I'd think that'd take a toll on them after awhile, even if every day was a ""Quality"" day.

Conversely, if a couple were only away from each other 3 days a month and the rest of the time together was spent fighting or not communicating ""Non Quality time"", then that relationship would also likely fail.

It's a delicate balance of making enough time for both the relationship you and the you you. But overall you both have to have a strong desire to be in each others company.

 

[KLin]

I don't think you can come up with an exact number for that question. All relationships are different.

 

[KLin]

Originally posted by: Flyback

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Why do I get the feeling that you're approaching the whole concept from the wrong point of view? You don't punch a clock and invest x amount of time into it, expecting it to just work out...

As I said, putting a number to it seems rather cold. But it comes down to how much time is put into it that makes it successful. I'd rather approach it with a chance of success, rather than being at a point in life where I do not have enough time to put into it. At least then I can walk away and save me and her both the time and pain of it falling apart in a bad way.

Just a question out of curiosity. How old are you?

 

[Flyback]

Originally posted by: KLin

Originally posted by: Flyback

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Why do I get the feeling that you're approaching the whole concept from the wrong point of view? You don't punch a clock and invest x amount of time into it, expecting it to just work out...

As I said, putting a number to it seems rather cold. But it comes down to how much time is put into it that makes it successful. I'd rather approach it with a chance of success, rather than being at a point in life where I do not have enough time to put into it. At least then I can walk away and save me and her both the time and pain of it falling apart in a bad way.

Just a question out of curiosity. How old are you?

24

 

[b0mbrman]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson

Originally posted by: UncleWai
It's not quantity, it's quality.

I don't think that really applies here. If a couple worked alternate shifts and saw each other maybe 3 days out of the month I'd think that'd take a toll on them after awhile, even if every day was a ""Quality"" day.

Conversely, if a couple were only away from each other 3 days a month and the rest of the time together was spent fighting or not communicating ""Non Quality time"", then that relationship would also likely fail.

It's a delicate balance of making enough time for both the relationship you and the you you. But overall you both have to have a strong desire to be in each others company.

I think you're more right than other responders. However, I'd say that no amount of time (quality or otherwise) will fix a relationship where the two people are just not right for each other.

That said, you should live with the person and find out.

 

[SlitheryDee]

I dunno. Seems like you'd want to spent every extra bit of time you have with your SO. No need to plan it out, just do what you have to do away from them and be with them when you want to. I mean you should WANT to be with them right?

 

[Special K]

This would depend entirely on the individual. Each person is going to have their own needs, and the amount of time and effort required for the relationship to feel "meaningful" is going to vary from one person to the next.

 

[rmrfhomeoops]

how much time does she wants to be with you?(Quantity) Is she happy or at least satisfied during the time spent together? (Quality) IMO, a couple needs to spent enough time to enjoy the duration of an activity - to eat through entire meal together, to have enough time for at least chit chat during the evening/night, and making out. And outside of that, extra activities such as going to movies, dancing, meeting with friends/relatives, and any sort of shared hobbies. It can easily add up to 5 hours/day not counting sleeping. Also another thing is not to over-empahsize "i have to do my work/school" vs. "spending time with time with her" to your SO.
If there is formula, it's quantity*quality >= her needs... And her needs various by person (some people are more needy for attention while others are more of loner).

 

[fitzov]

3.5 seconds

 

[AndrewR]

Wait a minute -- no one has disputed the contention that a physical relationship cannot be meaningful???

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: AndrewR
Wait a minute -- no one has disputed the contention that a physical relationship cannot be meaningful???

Because no one said that. :disgust:

OP: It depends completely on you and on the gal you choose to have that relationship with. But the more time you spend with her, especially in the early days, the better you'll get to know her. Then you'll have a better basis to decide whether to pursue the relationship.

 

[Anghang]

Originally posted by: UncleWai
It's not quantity, it's quality.

QFT.

 

[AndrewR]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: AndrewR
Wait a minute -- no one has disputed the contention that a physical relationship cannot be meaningful???

Because no one said that. :disgust:

OP: It depends completely on you and on the gal you choose to have that relationship with. But the more time you spend with her, especially in the early days, the better you'll get to know her. Then you'll have a better basis to decide whether to pursue the relationship.

You apparently didn't read the title of the thread, and I was kidding. :roll: