how much do you give at weddings?

[Aharami]

lets say you're going to a formal wedding at a banquet hall with a sit down dinner, etc. You're not sure of the exact amount the hosts are paying per plate, but you guesstimate that they're paying at least $90-100 per plate, possibly more.

How much do you gift the wedding couple? Do you cover what you think to be the cost of food? Do you give more since you know they're spending quite a bit more than just food (photographers, dj, etc)? Do you not give anything at all?

<--NOT trying to figure out what I should be giving. I already know where I stand.


edit: oh and lets say that the bride and groom doesn't have a registry (which should be a good indicator that they'd rather receive money over boxed gifts)

 

[hanoverphist]

none. if im already in for a present, thats what they get.

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: hanoverphist
none. if im already in for a present, thats what they get.

so you give a boxed gift in lieu of money?

 

[JS80]

$400k wedding at the BH Hotel 7 course meal open bar top shelf => $200
Wedding in Iowa with Beer and Wine only for 1 hour => cheapest thing on the registry

 

[Carbo]

If my presence isn't present enough, then don't invite me.

 

[nakedfrog]

I'll say I'm not going to a formal wedding. Reception, maybe.

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: Carbo
If my presence isn't present enough, then don't invite me.

obviously giving a gift isnt mandatory, but you didnt answer the question.

 

[DingDingDao]

You're forgetting the other important factor in gift size: how close am I to the wedding couple? More expensive wedding + closer relationship = larger gift. People I barely know getting married on a budget? Registry or gift card. When my cousin got married, I gave her a little over $500.

 

[Mo0o]

Probably ~$100 give or take depending on how well i know the couple

 

[spidey07]

No, I don't try to cover the cost. They are the ones putting on the party, they are the hosts and I am a guest. They do not nor should they expect to recuperate ANY of the cost of the party, if they do they are rude, classless trash.

If I know them then a small gift they registered for. Giving cash is tacky unless you are direct family.

 

[Regs]

Italian wedding or polish?

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: spidey07
No, I don't try to cover the cost. They are the ones putting on the party, they are the hosts and I am a guest. They do not nor should they expect to recuperate ANY of the cost of the party, if they do they are rude, classless trash.

If I know them then a small gift they registered for. Giving cash is tacky unless you are direct family.

I dont think the goal is to expect to recuperate teh cost. It's just a rough rule of thumb on how much to give based on how swanky the party is. Obviously plenty of people dont like that idea and just give the cheapest things available.

 

[Syrch]

interesting to see that you based your gift off the amount of the $$ they are spending on you. Personally the fiancee and I are getting married in march and her and I are paying for the wedding out of our own pockets. We don't have much to spend and are doing it on a budget but i'd think that wouldn't matter on the persons gift they planned on bringing?

Edit: I should add that I don't expect anything from any of my guests but I think its tacky to "punish" a bride and groom for not spending a fortune on the party. We just simply can't afford it to spend 30k + on a few hours.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: Aharami

Originally posted by: hanoverphist
none. if im already in for a present, thats what they get.

so you give a boxed gift in lieu of money?

usually. i see where youre going with that tho, if it were family i would spend upwards of 150 or so. for a friend, mebbe 50 -75 and for someone i know socially but not really close maybe i wont give a gift.

 

[purbeast0]

at my friends weddings my wife and i have given $100 to $150, depending how close they are with us and what we anticipate the cost of our plate was.

 

[nageov3t]

(estimated the cost of a plate + arbitrary amount based on how much I like them - how much more money they make than me) * 2 if I'm bringing a date.

 

[nageov3t]

Originally posted by: spidey07
No, I don't try to cover the cost. They are the ones putting on the party, they are the hosts and I am a guest. They do not nor should they expect to recuperate ANY of the cost of the party, if they do they are rude, classless trash.

If I know them then a small gift they registered for. Giving cash is tacky unless you are direct family.

I think it's a regional thing.

like, *no one* gives non-cash gifts at NJ weddings except the parents/grand-parents who might give something expensive (ie: for my sister's wedding, her grand parent in-laws bought them a new dining room set)

 

[Aharami]

hmmm. maybe i've been too generous in the past. I've been covering cost of food + ~30%

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: loki8481

Originally posted by: spidey07
No, I don't try to cover the cost. They are the ones putting on the party, they are the hosts and I am a guest. They do not nor should they expect to recuperate ANY of the cost of the party, if they do they are rude, classless trash.

If I know them then a small gift they registered for. Giving cash is tacky unless you are direct family.

I think it's a regional thing.

like, *no one* gives non-cash gifts at NJ weddings except the parents/grand-parents who might give something expensive (ie: for my sister's wedding, her grand parent in-laws bought them a new dining room set)

yep...definitely a regional thing. I'd rather give cash (personal check) over a boxed gift since that could be of more use to the B&G...especially if the couple is paying for the wedding themselves (as opposed to parents paying for the wedding)

 

[ivan2]

I normally ask the other guests and go with the lowest standard.

 

[SacrosanctFiend]

Originally posted by: spidey07
No, I don't try to cover the cost. They are the ones putting on the party, they are the hosts and I am a guest. They do not nor should they expect to recuperate ANY of the cost of the party, if they do they are rude, classless trash.

If I know them then a small gift they registered for. Giving cash is tacky unless you are direct family.

Or from a different culture than you are. Don't be a narrow-minded bigot.

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: Syrch
interesting to see that you based your gift off the amount of the $$ they are spending on you. Personally the fiancee and I are getting married in march and her and I are paying for the wedding out of our own pockets. We don't have much to spend and are doing it on a budget but i'd think that wouldn't matter on the persons gift they planned on bringing?

Edit: I should add that I don't expect anything from any of my guests but I think its tacky to "punish" a bride and groom for not spending a fortune on the party. We just simply can't afford it to spend 30k + on a few hours.

it is better if you don't expect/hope for a certain amount from each person

 

[dullard]

Things are all over the board depending on location. You just can't answer that question on a forum like this.

For example, in Nebraska (my home state), it is common for the reception to cost $5/$10 per guest (chicken or sandwhiches). Sure, some couples might splurge and spend $15 (for a great steak dinner) or even $25 (for steak + lots of drinks + lots of appetizers + etc). But rarely do you see that. Typical gifts run $25 if you don't know them well to $50 if you know them well to $100 if you are close family.

Then move to a big city and mulitply all those numbers by 10.

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: purbeast0
at my friends weddings my wife and i have given $100 to $150, depending how close they are with us and what we anticipate the cost of our plate was.

if you bring someone (wife/date) do you adjust accordingly?

edit: nevermind. I didnt read your post properly

 

[mrrman]

$100 cash is enough....I just got back from 2 weddings