i normally came to the realization that doing so would void any and all love and care given to me by anyone, ever. and to me, that was definately a form of sacrilege- dishonoring my family, and myself.
i've got to much work left to do. i'm not weak, and i'm not going to lose, so fuck it.
It's not a matter of "What would they do if I were gone?" It is a matter of who that "they" is. I have nobody and nothing but a head full of morbid doubt for my self worth. What gets me by is the healthy mentality. It doesn't matter who loves me, it doesn't matter what I have. What matters is who I love and what I give. I love everybody. Every soul, every person. And I wish there were people to tell me the same.
couple of times, gf broke up, school sucked, work sucked, felt i was going nowhere, was in major debt, car kept screwing up, all my friends were in a city outside of houston, my parents were constantly ill, but then i realized it wouldnt do anygood.
and then ATOT wouldnt be as cool without a BBD.
if anyone thinks about it, honestly and all kidding aside, talk to someone, heck even if you feel more comfortable talk about it here, im sure we can think of a million reasons to live but none more than the goal of finding your smile
Once when I was 16 I came real close. Took a ton of pills, and drank a whole bunch of sh!t I shouldn't had. I ended up in an institution for two days. Why two days? Because I saw all these other kids who were WAY more messed up then I was and realized that the reasons I wanted to die were pointless. I straightned up REAL QUICK. That is why they only kept me for two days. They saw that I didn't belong there so they sent me home, which was definetly a GOOD thing.
I have never thought about suicide since then, I have now realized how precious life really is. My father died last September. It wasn't his choice to die. His death hurt SO many people, why would anyone want to cast that kind of pain onto anyone else? You never know when your life is going to end. That is part of the beauty of life.