How many of you are 35 or older.....with no kids

[SearchMaster]

47, married, no kids, and completely by choice. I have zero regrets and I think I'd slit my wrists if weekends revolved around endless soccer games for Billy, music lessons for little Susie, and all that stuff, along with practices through the week.

Regardless of all of that, I'd like to hear from the childless married folks about how their families reacted. My family was 100% fine with my decision, while my wife's family poked and prodded for years until they finally got the picture that we were dead serious. My MIL went as far as calling us selfish, which is the dumbest and most illogical thing I've heard but unfortunately, seems to be the insult of choice towards people like us. After calling us "selfish," her very next comment was literally "Who is going to take care of you when you're old?" I'm so glad she showed us how "selfless" her intentions were.

I have three kids and I've loved every minute of it. I always loved kids and it was never a question for me...at family gatherings I'm the one goofing around with nieces and nephews.

But I absolutely respect people's right to choose their own path in life and I have no idea why there are people who think like your MIL. I know they want grandbabies but it's almost like they think you made the decision on a whim and didn't consider all the implications - there's no way anyone can be in a better position to make that decision than the people directly involved in it, right?

My wife came from a pretty messed up home life tbh. She has three siblings who chose not to have kids and two who did. My wife is an above average parent, her brother is an average parent, and her sister has kids in a pretty abusive household. Ironically one of her sisters who chose not to have kids would have been a great parent and her husband would have been even better (he's phenomenal with kids) but they are very passionate about their business and exploring the world and there's no question that kids would have put a serious damper on both.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I have three kids and I've loved every minute of it. I always loved kids and it was never a question for me...at family gatherings I'm the one goofing around with nieces and nephews.

But I absolutely respect people's right to choose their own path in life and I have no idea why there are people who think like your MIL. I know they want grandbabies but it's almost like they think you made the decision on a whim and didn't consider all the implications - there's no way anyone can be in a better position to make that decision than the people directly involved in it, right?

My wife came from a pretty messed up home life tbh. She has three siblings who chose not to have kids and two who did. My wife is an above average parent, her brother is an average parent, and her sister has kids in a pretty abusive household. Ironically one of her sisters who chose not to have kids would have been a great parent and her husband would have been even better (he's phenomenal with kids) but they are very passionate about their business and exploring the world and there's no question that kids would have put a serious damper on both.

We’ve had to put up with rude comments from many people, including people who are almost strangers to us. Among the comments:

1. “You’re selfish” or some variation on that. Sometimes people try to mask it a little but we understand exactly what they’re saying.
2. “You don’t know what love is until you’ve had your own child.” Not only is that extremely condescending, it is bullshit. No one knows how another person thinks or feels and to me, people who say this sound like they’re actually trying to justify their own decisions to themselves.
3. “You’ll change your mind.” Many of my wife’s relatives used that one too. Uh, no, we won’t.
4. “Who will take care if you when you’re old?” Why would I want to bring another life into the world with the expectation that they’ll take care of me until I die? And I’m the selfish one?

Though it is changing rapidly, there is still a large portion of the population who thinks there is “something wrong with you” if you don’t have kids. Like you, I prefer to allow people to make their own decisions and respect whatever decision they make.

 

[local]

This thread is reminding me of the beginning of Idiocracy.

 

[vi edit]

40 and two kids. You'll *never* hear me tell someone they are wrong for not wanting kids. Truth be told, if my wife and I had magical "do-over" we probably would opt out the second go round knowing what we know now. Two professional, full time jobs with full time stress and hours is not that conductive to the ever increasing busy demands of child raising. It's not easy and I pass no judgement on people want more time and money to themselves.

 

[MrSquished]

My mother put a little pressure on me to have kids but it was very lighthearted. Luckily I have a sister who provided my mother with 2 beautiful grandchildren so maybe things would have been different if it weren't for that - but that's crazy what some people may say to you just for not having kids.

I do think people that have kids and follow it through and become good parents are completely amazing and they have the utmost respect from me. It's insane what it takes to be a good parent to kids. I do think it's a choice some people make a bit too lightly as well. It's what they are supposed to do right. Get married and make babies - although things are changing in the Western world in regards to that. But my parents generation (I'm 42) it was everyone had babies and that's it.

 

[Riverhound777]

35, single, no kids. I use to think I would be open to kids eventually, but recently decided (with every single one of my friends getting married and having kids) that it's just not something I want. Now the problem is finding a girl who agrees.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

35, single, no kids. I use to think I would be open to kids eventually, but recently decided (with every single one of my friends getting married and having kids) that it's just not something I want. Now the problem is finding a girl who agrees.

They’re out there. We are friends with at least 3 other couples who swear they won’t have kids, and there was a fourth couple as well but the lady was wishy-washy and likely let her husband talk her into it.

 

[MrSquished]

35, single, no kids. I use to think I would be open to kids eventually, but recently decided (with every single one of my friends getting married and having kids) that it's just not something I want. Now the problem is finding a girl who agrees.

My fiancee is 27 and she was leaning towards having a child when we first met but I told her from the get go I did not. She eventually came around and now she is happy she met me as she feels it would have been the wrong decision. They are out there.

 

[rh71]

Call it whatever you like, but there's something about imparting knowledge on my kids that makes me happy. It makes me happy coaching kids too. I'd love some day that they reflect and say I made some difference in their lives.

Considering the limits of this once nice planet we exist on... it's almost greedy to force someone to exist here to fill some vacuum in your being.

Can't agree especially when I see the smiles on my kids' faces. Obviously they're not smiling more than half the time they're alive, but when they are having fun, that's the joy I get out of it. Needless to say, they are getting something out of it too.

You may see it as greedy as wanting something for yourself, but at the same time, you can say not having kids to potentially burden your lifestyle is also selfish.

40 and two kids. You'll *never* hear me tell someone they are wrong for not wanting kids. Truth be told, if my wife and I had magical "do-over" we probably would opt out the second go round knowing what we know now. Two professional, full time jobs with full time stress and hours is not that conductive to the ever increasing busy demands of child raising. It's not easy and I pass no judgement on people want more time and money to themselves.

Agree that having kids is not for everyone. Some know they would be bad at it, or don't see it as necessary so that's fine.

Having twins is actually a blessing in disguise. Only 1 kids schedule, at least so far. Financial burden will be there in the future though (college). Daycare for 2 wasn't a picnic either. Some say it is worse than college, but I can't see it.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

40 and two kids. You'll *never* hear me tell someone they are wrong for not wanting kids. Truth be told, if my wife and I had magical "do-over" we probably would opt out the second go round knowing what we know now. Two professional, full time jobs with full time stress and hours is not that conductive to the ever increasing busy demands of child raising. It's not easy and I pass no judgement on people want more time and money to themselves.

Make sure you tell your #2 about this post when they go through their teenage years

 

[soulcougher73]

47, married, no kids, and completely by choice. I have zero regrets and I think I'd slit my wrists if weekends revolved around endless soccer games for Billy, music lessons for little Susie, and all that stuff, along with practices through the week.

Regardless of all of that, I'd like to hear from the childless married folks about how their families reacted. My family was 100% fine with my decision, while my wife's family poked and prodded for years until they finally got the picture that we were dead serious. My MIL went as far as calling us selfish, which is the dumbest and most illogical thing I've heard but unfortunately, seems to be the insult of choice towards people like us. After calling us "selfish," her very next comment was literally "Who is going to take care of you when you're old?" I'm so glad she showed us how "selfless" her intentions were.

My mom was not fine with my decision. And i had the same things said to me word for word i think. My MIL has never said anything that im aware of about it. I guess she respected our decision. But my wife just had a partial hysterectomy this year so hopefully my mother will shut up about it finally lol

My brother has 4 kids and is divorced and his kids are a mess. So i dont feel so bad lol

 

[Genx87]

40 no children of my own. A couple miscarriages. I never made it a priority. Honestly still kind of torn on it. Feel like I should had passed on my seed. But also like the freedom of not having a child in the house allows. But I did help to raise my wifes child. Who is now 19. So it isn't like I didn't get to experience those wonderful teenage years.

 

[Genx87]

We’ve had to put up with rude comments from many people, including people who are almost strangers to us. Among the comments:

1. “You’re selfish” or some variation on that. Sometimes people try to mask it a little but we understand exactly what they’re saying.
2. “You don’t know what love is until you’ve had your own child.” Not only is that extremely condescending, it is bullshit. No one knows how another person thinks or feels and to me, people who say this sound like they’re actually trying to justify their own decisions to themselves.
3. “You’ll change your mind.” Many of my wife’s relatives used that one too. Uh, no, we won’t.
4. “Who will take care if you when you’re old?” Why would I want to bring another life into the world with the expectation that they’ll take care of me until I die? And I’m the selfish one?

Though it is changing rapidly, there is still a large portion of the population who thinks there is “something wrong with you” if you don’t have kids. Like you, I prefer to allow people to make their own decisions and respect whatever decision they make.

The take care of you when you are old is a good one. I have yet to see anybody really take care of their parents when they die. Unless visiting them in the nursing home\hospice when they dont even remember who you are is considered taking care of them. That reasoning is just so effing silly and reeks of baby boomer logic. Where they expect their children to take care of them while the baby boomers put their parents into a home and visited once a month.

At least my best friend was honest when he pressured me into trying to have children. Told me he wants me to experience all the joys(pain) of trying to raise children who consume everything(food, time, money, sleep), while being a germ fest. He also knows when he grows old his kids wont come see him. As they will most likely be somewhere else in the country.

 

[Franz316]

32 no kids and no plans of having any. I don't see how they would add anything good to my life at this point.

 

[vi edit]

Make sure you tell your #2 about this post when they go through their teenage years

Second as in "second chance", not second kid. My first is a wreck of a human being. We're talking off the chart levels of life paralyzing ADHD and anxiety. She's a mess. My second is positively easy compared to the first.

 

[mikeymikec]

38, married, no kids, choice

 

[K1052]

36 married and no kids on the horizon.

DINK FTW.

 

[MrSquished]

Second as in "second chance", not second kid. My first is a wreck of a human being. We're talking off the chart levels of life paralyzing ADHD and anxiety. She's a mess. My second is positively easy compared to the first.

Are you and your wife carriers of any conditions such as anxiety?

I'm bipolar 1, my dad was depressed and possibly bipolar. I mean he lived a full life and accomplished a lot for coming here with virtually nothing, but depressed nonetheless. My fiancee has anxiety and some depression. So
We thought the chances of passing on such hereditary conditions was also a reason not to have kids, besides the other ones of course. It was a consideration put it that way.

 

[KB]

Some of you may be interested in listening to this podcast by Seth Andrews which talks about this very thing:

http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/podcast/be-fruitful-and-multiply-the-sin-of-being-child-free
Don't let the domain fool you. This episode deals solely with the topic at hand and doesn't go into discussing religion much.

No kids with the wife yet, but letting nature decide my future. I will be happy no matter what happens, unless I have a kid and they listen to Nickelback.

 

[Mayne]

48 and about to have a grandchild. Yet i've only seen my daughter 2 times in my life. Life is weird.

 

[ctbaars]

people who have children should be arrested for child abuse. the world is going to end soon. why are you having kids? what kind of lives will these children have when the oceans are dead acidified pools of plastic waste and the sun is blocked out by 24 hours of brown smog haze. how selfish and utterly inconsiderate to bring your spawn into this world for your own entertainment only to leave them to die in a dying wasteland


I means seriously haven't you guys seen blade runner? stop having children before you ruin more people's lives.

You're talking about your mom and dad, right?

 

[zinfamous]

48 and about to have a grandchild. Yet i've only seen my daughter 2 times in my life. Life is weird.

Damn bro, that's less than me!

 

[Platypus]

Married with no kids. We want to adopt some day, though but no urgent plans

That DINK life is pretty good.

 

[Mayne]

Damn bro, that's less than me!

we are brothers from different mothers

 

[BurnItDwn]

38 married, no kids. At one time, Wife seemed like she wanted them, but her health has been problematic, so, kids are on hold. If she winds up not being able to physically make kids, but wants to try the whole mothering thing out, I'm not opposed to adoption or foster parenting, but, I'm quite content to not have kids. Saves money and makes life less complicated.