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How long until your SO moved in with you?

Ryan

Ryan

Lifer
So I'm coming up on dating someone for a year, and we get along great. He currently lives in an apartment with a roommate, and we spend 3-4 nights out of the week staying at each other's house. We get along great.

I live in a 2 beadroom, 1200 sq. ft house that I currently rent for 500 bucks a month from my family. I'd have to ask my parents if he can move in, but I'm sure they'll have no problem. I haven't asked him, but plan on doing it mid-september. I've always told myself that I would wait a year in a relationship before taking that next step, and things are going surprisingly better than I expected. THe one thing I worry about is making the house feel equally "ours" instead of him feeling like he's living in my parents house.

We've discussed some things that will have to happen if we live with each other - like no smoking in the house, and the arrangements of our animals (I have a cat and bird, he has two cats; possibly finding a new home for one of his cats)

Is it too early to move into the same house? When did you move in with your SO?
 
I lived with two former girlfriends before and both ended badly. When I had found the woman that I wanted to marry, we spent the weekends over at each others sometimes, but did not live together until we said "I do".
 
Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
dont do it.. if you want to move in, why dont you two both get an apt together???
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Because I get a killer deal on this place - we'd be looking at paying 300-400 more per month in a similar townhouse. Plus - I work in my yard, and have put alot of effort and money into it, which I'm not ready to part with 😛
 
3 months.

Now we are happily married, own our own apartment, and are looking forward to moving into a new condo apartment we just bought. 🙂
 
Five months. It was an apartment, which doesn't quite carry the responsibilities of a house. Lived together for a little over three years, a one-year engagement, and are now married.
 
I've been dating my SO for over 2 yrs and we just got engaged 2 months ago. In 5 more months and we're getting an apartment together and I'm expecting all to go well.
 
Unless you've talked about marriage and are sure that you will be together forever, I wouldn't do it. It will just lead to a very bad situation later. However if you've talked about getting married and it's a very serious relationship, then go right ahead. It works out much better to live with someone before you get married so you can make sure it is really going to work. That why lots of marriages fail is not because you stop loving the person but because once you live together permanently, you find out all kinds of things that you didn't know before.
 
To everyone suggesting marriage, I think it is out of the question... unless he moves to Canada.

If it has been almost a year and you are still together, you might as well try the living together thing. What is the longest you have lived together so far? Like, have you spent 3-4 days together yet? A whole weekend?

It is sort of like gambling... because you could make things better, but you could also make things worse.
 
I think it was a little over 18 months, my lease ran out on my townhouse. I was spending most of my time at her place anyways. I don't think there's really a rule of thumb for the right time to live together (other then marriage). I would have him live w/ you for a week or two before you make it perm.
 
Probably the best idea to wait until you're married. I believe living together before then increases chances of divorce significantly.
 
Originally posted by: archcommus
Probably the best idea to wait until you're married. I believe living together before then increases chances of divorce significantly.
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I think that has much more to do with the mindset of the couple versus the action of living together. People who live together before marraige also take the mindset of divorce being an option, unlike people who are much more conservative.

 
Don't worry about these people that say you should wait until... whenever... especially when you are married :roll:...

anyways, You know if it is the right time. I am sure you are getting "signals" from him as well. Talk to him about it and see how he feels. I would say its not the right time if you guys were just together for a few months, but if its coming up on a year... you should be ok. Make sure to have EVERYTHING out in the open and talked about before moving in together though. My mom always told me, you do not know someone until you live with them and that is the truest statement i could ever think of.

Good luck, be open and honest, voice your concerns (re: him not feeling that its "our" house and just yours) talk about them and you will be fine.

As Iamwiz82 said, we were dating a little under a year when we started talking about it. we looked for an apartment for a few months then we finally moved in together after a year and one month dating.... that was 6 years ago... we are still going strong. We learned a lot living together that I believe if we never lived together before we got hitched, our marriage would have not worked out.
 
Originally posted by: archcommus
Probably the best idea to wait until you're married. I believe living together before then increases chances of divorce significantly.
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I think waiting until married increases divorce significantly.. you NEED to know if you could live with the other person.. it is the only way to REALLY get to know the bad habits/daily workings of the other person...

We moved in together after about 8 months... lived with each other for 2 years and then got married...
 
*downer*

Does matter when he moves in, it's going to end eventually. Gay men don't stay together.

*/downer*

Sorry...lol.
I moved in with my ex after about a year. Maybe a little less. Lived together for 2 1/2 years. I moved out when he wanted to see other people.
 
Originally posted by: Ryan
So I'm coming up on dating someone for a year, and we get along great. He currently lives in an apartment with a roommate, and we spend 3-4 nights out of the week staying at each other's house. We get along great.

I live in a 2 beadroom, 1200 sq. ft house that I currently rent for 500 bucks a month from my family. I'd have to ask my parents if he can move in, but I'm sure they'll have no problem. I haven't asked him, but plan on doing it mid-september. I've always told myself that I would wait a year in a relationship before taking that next step, and things are going surprisingly better than I expected. THe one thing I worry about is making the house feel equally "ours" instead of him feeling like he's living in my parents house.

We've discussed some things that will have to happen if we live with each other - like no smoking in the house, and the arrangements of our animals (I have a cat and bird, he has two cats; possibly finding a new home for one of his cats)

Is it too early to move into the same house? When did you move in with your SO?
Click to expand...

I would recommend waiting as long as possible... don't be so quick to give up your independence...

 
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