How important is the truth?

S

SlitheryDee

Imagine that something emotionally shattering has occurred in your life. Imagine that there might be more to it, something that would potentially cast that event in a much less acceptable light. Would you want to know the truth?

This has happened to me very recently and it involves someone who was very close to me. I believe that I have lived my life thus far with much respect for the truth of any given situation, but some things might go beyond the realms of reason.

The subject is TRUTH in the everyday sense. Do you really want to know about the loogie content of the last whopper you ate? Do you really want to know how many guys your GF/wife has had before you? Do you really want to know which ones were better than oyu in bed? Do you really want to know if your dad was a drug dealer?

So what is it, truth or peace of mind?
 

HamburgerBoy

Lifer
Apr 12, 2004
27,112
318
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Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Imagine that something emotionally shattering has occurred in your life. Imagine that there might be more to it, something that would potentially cast that event in a much less acceptable light. Would you want to know the truth?

If it's so emotionally shattering I don't see how it could get any worse, so why not?
 

Mrvile

Lifer
Oct 16, 2004
14,066
1
0
I guess with your situation, the truth is important. The fact that your father was gunned down is life shattering, but not knowing why would just make it worse IMO...putting everything into perspective, even if it does change how you see things, will offer peace of mind and I think it would do better than just hiding from it.
 
S

SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Imagine that something emotionally shattering has occurred in your life. Imagine that there might be more to it, something that would potentially cast that event in a much less acceptable light. Would you want to know the truth?

If it's so emotionally shattering I don't see how it could get any worse, so why not?


Imagine that someone whom you hold very dear has died in a strange manner, and evidence surfaces that makes them seem...well...less than saintly. Imagine that this person isn't someone that you can just disown at a moments notice. Their death would be the emotionally shattering event, the revelation of their disreputable nature might cast every fond memory into shadow.
 
S

SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: Mrvile
I guess with your situation, the truth is important. The fact that your father was gunned down is life shattering, but not knowing why would just make it worse IMO...putting everything into perspective, even if it does change how you see things, will offer peace of mind and I think it would do better than just hiding from it.


This is my opinion as well, but I just had an argument with my mom who believes that I shouldn't pursue this in any way, form, or fashion. "Just believe that he died honorably and is in a better place" is what she says.

I just want to remember him as a whole person, rather than a select few favorable memories. Is there any good reason for ignoring the bad and remembering the good in this situation?
 

ubercaffeinated

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2002
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Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Imagine that something emotionally shattering has occurred in your life. Imagine that there might be more to it, something that would potentially cast that event in a much less acceptable light. Would you want to know the truth?

If it's so emotionally shattering I don't see how it could get any worse, so why not?


Imagine that someone whom you hold very dear has died in a strange manner, and evidence surfaces that makes them seem...well...less than saintly. Imagine that this person isn't someone that you can just disown at a moments notice. Their death would be the emotionally shattering event, the revelation of their disreputable nature might cast every fond memory into shadow.


well if this situation pertains to your case, in my opinion, you have to accept the person as a whole. for their bad and their good. they are what they are, and said person is only human, and if you hold them dear as you say, it might be easy to let your emotions cloud your judgment and let it get in the way of accepting the person.
 

Vic

Elite Member
Jun 12, 2001
50,415
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With all due respect, this might not be the right forum for this discussion.
 

Mrvile

Lifer
Oct 16, 2004
14,066
1
0
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Originally posted by: Mrvile
I guess with your situation, the truth is important. The fact that your father was gunned down is life shattering, but not knowing why would just make it worse IMO...putting everything into perspective, even if it does change how you see things, will offer peace of mind and I think it would do better than just hiding from it.


This is my opinion as well, but I just had an argument with my mom who believes that I shouldn't pursue this in any way, form, or fashion. "Just believe that he died honorably and is in a better place" is what she says.

The worst thing to do would be to believe that. It's like living a lie. I think the truth in this case is even more important than it would be in a trivial situation...something that life shattering deserves to be told straight.

I just want to remember him as a whole person, rather than a select few favorable memories. Is there any good reason for ignoring the bad and remembering the good in this situation?

No. I think it would bring you closer than ever to your father if you knew the person he really was, good or bad.
 
S

SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: Vic
With all due respect, this might not be the right forum for this discussion.


Perhaps not, but where would you suggest I go? This is my first and only forum. You guys are very supportive and I think that the level of intelligence is probably somewhat higher than other forums given the nature of AT.

I've seen discussions of a very sensitive nature carried out here, though none that I can remember were so personal. Perhaps this belongs in myspace, though I would rather not venture there.



 

HamburgerBoy

Lifer
Apr 12, 2004
27,112
318
126
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Imagine that someone whom you hold very dear has died in a strange manner, and evidence surfaces that makes them seem...well...less than saintly. Imagine that this person isn't someone that you can just disown at a moments notice. Their death would be the emotionally shattering event, the revelation of their disreputable nature might cast every fond memory into shadow.

So, let me (make a poor attempt to) summarize it...

1. Someone dies in an odd way
2. He's actually murdered
3. The murderer is a friend

If I'm not misreading like usual then yes, I would want to know. Regardless of what he or she did in the past, that person has committed a horrible crime and must be brought to justice.

EDIT: Er, so it was that the death was caused because of something bad your friend did? In that case knowing what really happened couldn't help, so no.
 

ubercaffeinated

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2002
2,130
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71
Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Imagine that someone whom you hold very dear has died in a strange manner, and evidence surfaces that makes them seem...well...less than saintly. Imagine that this person isn't someone that you can just disown at a moments notice. Their death would be the emotionally shattering event, the revelation of their disreputable nature might cast every fond memory into shadow.

So, let me (make a poor attempt to) summarize it...

1. Someone dies in an odd way
2. He's actually murdered
3. The murderer is a friend

If I'm not misreading like usual then yes, I would want to know. Regardless of what he or she did in the past, that person has committed a horrible crime and must be brought to justice.

EDIT: Er, so it was that the death was caused because of something bad your friend did? In that case knowing what really happened couldn't help, so no.


I imagined it differently. Something like a father-figure dying of a heart attack. Only later op finds out it was a heart attack during a sex session. A sex session with a woman said father-figure was having a tryst with. A woman not his wife. But then again this is just my imagination.
 

Vic

Elite Member
Jun 12, 2001
50,415
14,305
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Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Originally posted by: Vic
With all due respect, this might not be the right forum for this discussion.


Perhaps not, but where would you suggest I go? This is my first and only forum. You guys are very supportive and I think that the level of intelligence is probably somewhat higher than other forums given the nature of AT.

I've seen discussions of a very sensitive nature carried out here, though none that I can remember were so personal. Perhaps this belongs in myspace, though I would rather not venture there.
I was thinking more along the lines of professional counseling.
 
S

SlitheryDee

Originally posted by: Vic
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Originally posted by: Vic
With all due respect, this might not be the right forum for this discussion.


Perhaps not, but where would you suggest I go? This is my first and only forum. You guys are very supportive and I think that the level of intelligence is probably somewhat higher than other forums given the nature of AT.

I've seen discussions of a very sensitive nature carried out here, though none that I can remember were so personal. Perhaps this belongs in myspace, though I would rather not venture there.
I was thinking more along the lines of professional counseling.


I promise you that I'm not substituting ATOT for professional counseling. That is actually being taken care of. I just wanted a few opinions from other people regarding a specific aspect of my situation.

You haven't answered my question yet BTW. Would you want to know? I WILL know within the next few weeks whether I want to or not so I guess it a moot point. I just had this huge argument with my mom about whether I SHOULD know and I wondered where everyone else would stand in this situation.
 

Mrvile

Lifer
Oct 16, 2004
14,066
1
0
Originally posted by: makoto00
Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Imagine that someone whom you hold very dear has died in a strange manner, and evidence surfaces that makes them seem...well...less than saintly. Imagine that this person isn't someone that you can just disown at a moments notice. Their death would be the emotionally shattering event, the revelation of their disreputable nature might cast every fond memory into shadow.

So, let me (make a poor attempt to) summarize it...

1. Someone dies in an odd way
2. He's actually murdered
3. The murderer is a friend

If I'm not misreading like usual then yes, I would want to know. Regardless of what he or she did in the past, that person has committed a horrible crime and must be brought to justice.

EDIT: Er, so it was that the death was caused because of something bad your friend did? In that case knowing what really happened couldn't help, so no.


I imagined it differently. Something like a father-figure dying of a heart attack. Only later op finds out it was a heart attack during a sex session. A sex session with a woman said father-figure was having a tryst with. A woman not his wife. But then again this is just my imagination.

Get the story right guys

Not something to joke about.
 

compuwiz1

Admin Emeritus Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
27,113
925
126
Sometimes, not telling the truth is a good move, especially, if it will spare another from too much pain, or the telling of will cause too much pain. Some people are not in a good position, physically, nor emotionally to hear bad news.

This is where discretion comes in. The next best move is to defer, until the person(s) involved are better placed to receive the news.

Some life rules:

1. Sometimes the truth hurts, or kills.
2. Loose lips sink ships.
3. Not volunteering information, is NOT lying.
4. When asked a direct question, never out and out lie.
5. Only give out enough information to adequately answer a question.
6. Say only what you mean.
7. Unsaying something, once said, is like trying to unscramble an egg.
8. The truth is out there. Someone always knows the truth. ;)
 

y2kc

Platinum Member
Sep 2, 2000
2,547
0
76
That's a tough one. I learned some things about my dad after his passing that were less than flattering. It was disturbing to say the least and, after some time has passed and i've had time to reflect, I'm glad I know the truth.
 

fitzov

Platinum Member
Jan 3, 2004
2,477
0
0
In the scheme of beliefs and emotions truth is relatively unimportant--unless you're doing science or logic.
 

Vic

Elite Member
Jun 12, 2001
50,415
14,305
136
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Originally posted by: Vic
Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Originally posted by: Vic
With all due respect, this might not be the right forum for this discussion.


Perhaps not, but where would you suggest I go? This is my first and only forum. You guys are very supportive and I think that the level of intelligence is probably somewhat higher than other forums given the nature of AT.

I've seen discussions of a very sensitive nature carried out here, though none that I can remember were so personal. Perhaps this belongs in myspace, though I would rather not venture there.
I was thinking more along the lines of professional counseling.


I promise you that I'm not substituting ATOT for professional counseling. That is actually being taken care of. I just wanted a few opinions from other people regarding a specific aspect of my situation.

You haven't answered my question yet BTW. Would you want to know? I WILL know within the next few weeks whether I want to or not so I guess it a moot point. I just had this huge argument with my mom about whether I SHOULD know and I wondered where everyone else would stand in this situation.

Very well. I live my life according to the truth, which I define as that which is objective and observable. Sometimes the truth hurts, sometimes you'd rather not have to deal with it, but to ignore the truth in favor of more desirable beliefs and emotions is a form of denial, and denial is always eventually self-destructive.
I am not, however, suggesting that you remember your father negatively, but that you remember him as the complete human being that he was, flaws and all, and find a way for yourself that you might forgive him for his flaws as you would memoralize him for his virtues. Hopefully, that way you can find healing and closure.
 

Saint Nick

Lifer
Jan 21, 2005
17,722
6
81
As far as I'm concerned, the truth is important in almost every situation, unless its the age old question "Does this make me look fat?"