I would think that before you even think of getting a girlfrend you find yourself anf solve the problems your having right now you having trouble with on your own. Including a gilfrriend in the mix can cause more problems then you can handle if you dont have a handle on the problems your having now being on your own. Also a gilfrend may not want to deal with your problems. Of corse your going to hide them the best you can for a few weeks maybe but when the real you comes out and she cant take it and leaves you then your dealing with your problems still and piled ontop of that your puppy love that just got ripped out of your chest. That is going to be alot for you to swollow.
I would sit back and make your list. You and you alone can change the way you are if your not happy with where you are going. No adding someone in the mix is going to do that if your not happy right now with you or where your going. Your going to have to sit daown and look at your list and fvck what others see you ass, look at it as how you see you as. Change the parts you dont like. Its going to be hard to do but if you put forth the effort I am sure you can overcome what ever it is your willing to change. But in the end you have to be willing to make the changes you want to make and stand by them. If you happen to meet a girl you must be who you are and let a girl love you for who and how you are. You try to put up a front sooner or later your true self will come out. So if you decide to be the same as you are and not change a thing dont go looking and dont change your ways. This way if a girl happens to come into your life she has fallen in love with the real you and if it is ment to be and she wants to put up with you she will. But dont go looking and think thats the be all to end all for you must love or change your ways first before you pile on a womans mood and nature ontop of your own problems.