How Fast is Too Fast In Relationships?

[TheBlondOne]

I'm not asking this question for myself...I work VERY SLOWLY at relationships.

I'm asking because two of my closest friends just recently got boyfriends (within the past 3 or 4 months) and are already thinking marriage, etc. Now, they are both 20, so they are not old and have not been out into the working world yet (both Junior's in college).

I like both of their boyfriends; they're great guys. I just think it's all a little fast and I'm afraid they're going to get hurt.

So...how fast do you all think is "too fast"?

--Sarah

 

[minendo]

Three months = too fast in my opinion. I've been with my girlfriend for a year now, been friends with her for over a year and a half and we have mentioned marriage, but nothing definite yet. Hell, we're both still in college and I'm only 20 (she is 19).

 

[Johnlee]

I met this girl on monday.
Took her for a drink on tuesday.
We were makin love on wednesday.
And on thursday and friday and saturday.
We chilled on sunday.

That's probably a little too fast.

 

[pulse8]

At 20? I say at least 2 years before you should get married to the person.

I think this number lessens as you get older. Your friends are young and have all the time in the world to get to know these guys and know for sure.

They also might want to watch out because if the guys don't want marriage, they will just end up scaring them off.

 

[minendo]

One thing I have noticed about my girlfriend, though, is that marriage at a fairly young age (20-22) is very common in her area. She is from a small farm town in Indiana and her sister got married at 22 (engaged at 21). My parents were also married at a young age. My mom was 17 when she married my dad. I do not plan on getting married until I am at least a year out of school, well actually that depends on if it takes me 4 or 5 years to graduate.

 

[ravanux]

it depends on the peeps

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

it all depends on how crazy you are.

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

For me, that would be way too fast. I think it is all based on personal values and beliefs as well as the people involved.

I met skoorb when I was 18. We were married when I was 24. Mind you, we waited that long so that we were established and somewhat mature!

Everyone is different. Only you know your friends....

How old are you? Just curious!

 

[StageLeft]

I think there is something pathetic about really young people getting engaged so quickly. If you're 30 time is of the essence so i can understand it but a 20/21 year old going out for a short while and getting married is just silly and I'll hear nothing else of the matter. Statistics indicate that if you marry young your chances of divorce are higher and I think the vast majority of 20 year old couples who've only known each other for a few months have NO business getting married.

What is the LAMEST thing EVER is when somebody wants to get married so that they can have sex becuase their religion doesn't otherwise permit it. I knew a guy who did that. I think he was missing the point. That's just the lamest thing ever.

 

[Rudee]

If you forget her name while on the wedding altar, your relationship is definetly moving too fast.

 

[Rallispec]

3 months into my relationship with my girlfreind we were in love and talking about marriage--- and it was way way way to soon and way to fast for us... and as a result it completely broke us both down and we didnt know how to handle it.. we had to really step back and take a look at things and slow down a little bit. Now we've been together 6 months and have sorta mentioned marraige-- but we never actually talk about it anymore.. not yet at least.
if we hadnt stopped there for that little bit to slow down and take a few deep breaths and get our senses back- i know we would have broken up and both ened up getting hurt.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

I think 2 years is a good minimum. I broke up with my gf just a few days before our 2 year anniversary. I had been thinking marriage for quite some time, but it just became more and more obvious that it wasn't going to work out for us, there was no way our relationship could make the long haul.
If we'd gotten engaged or married after dating for just a few months, I'd really be regretting it now.

 

[StageLeft]

<< I think 2 years is a good minimum. I broke up with my gf just a few days before our 2 year anniversary. I had been thinking marriage for quite some time, but it just became more and more obvious that it wasn't going to work out for us, there was no way our relationship could make the long haul.
If we'd gotten engaged or married after dating for just a few months, I'd really be regretting it now. >>

Yep, no matter what anybody thinks 3 months is simply not enough time together. Some marriages are th result of 3 month engagements and go well but I'd say that most in our current day wouldn't (when my parents got engaged most people they knew engaged very quickly years ago). People change and relationships change over time. 3 months != good.

 

[RossMAN]

I'd also agree that (at least) 2 years is a good minimum. Marriage is a lifetime committment to one another and you want to make sure that whoever you marry that you will still love them 25 years when you got bald, fat, grey, and wrinkly.

I knew my wife for 3 years before proposing then 2 years later we got married. My situation was different though since we met online and she's an Aussie.

 

[Mister T]

3 years in April for me, and no short term plans of getting engaged or married

 

[Rallispec]

my parents were Married after only knowing eachother for 6 months--- not talking about marriage, but actually married. That was 25 years ago and they are stilll together and still very happy---- so, Going fast isnt always bad- it can work out.

 

[Woodie]

It depends on age...the younger you are, the more time needed?? Not sure. It depends on level of maturity, and level of self-knowledge.

I met wife in July, moved 3000 miles in August...she moved the following June, and we already knew we would be getting married (but not official). We were both beyond 25, (ok, she was over 30). The point was that we had both (mostly) finished our personality development, and were unlikely to change significantly in terms of values and goals. Common values were a key commonality for us, since we are very different people, from very different backgrounds.

Life-stage plays into this too...she was ready for a family, house, "roots", and that's what I wanted too, at that point in my life.

--Woodie

 

[silveronsilver]

You should not have sex before the first date.

 

[Rallispec]

<< You should not have sex before the first date. >>


lol... maybe thats what i've been doing wrong all this time.

 

[HalfFerengi]

I think, Marrage, like relationships takes Work. If you aren't willing to Work on a marrage, the marrage will not survive. If you cannot be committed, the marrage won't survive. But, if you and your spouse love each other, not just infatuation, and are willing to work at living with each other and are not willing to quit on each other, marrage can be great.

 

[Cosmo]

I've been living with my girlfriend for over four years now (with some interruptions) and I think we know each other well enough about now. I'm going on 26 and she's a year younger so I think we're fairly grown up and I don't think our believes and values will change too much from now on. 3 months seems awfully short especially if you're so young. I'm getting ready to ask her but I wan't to be out of school first and have a job, won't feel good about it otherwise.

 

[abitaz]

Got engaged after knowing my wife for a week and a half. We get married with arranged marriages and a 95% success rate.

 

[ttn1]

To tell you the truth, marriage, as in all the paperwork and stuff means absolutely nothing to me.

Marriage to me is a commitment between two people. If you truely make that commitment, all the
legal and religious stuff doesn't really matter. I am fully commited to my relationship and a marriage
certificate will do nothing to strengthen my commitment.

As for quick or slow, that level of commitment is always a crap shoot. You never know how people will
change. Although when you are under 20 most people still have lots of maturing to do. That being said,
a serious relationship is a lot of work. People who think relationships should always be easy are just
kidding themselves.

I met my current girlfriend and knew her for about a month before we moved in together. At first I was
just giving her a place to stay. It's a very long story. We have been together for 6 years and just bought
a house together. Some people would consider 1 month pretty fast?!!?

 

[StageLeft]

<< Got engaged after knowing my wife for a week and a half. We get married with arranged marriages and a 95% success rate. >>

Arranged marriage success rates can't be compared to other success rates. Arranged marriages are generally from a culture that frowns upon divorce such that divorces are likely to happen only in extreme cases, whereas in western society people are more likely to quit early on without forcing themselves through year after year of hell. There are benefits to both systems of course.

 

[EagleKeeper]

How could you fully know a person after 1 year, let alone 3 months.

There is a difference between companionship and love.

Unless one has the stamina and determination to stick it out, there will be a lot of bumps/potholes in the road and it is easy to get a blown tire.

There is also the finanical aspects; if both are in college, who is supporting them and/or is their own income able to support themselves together if one is not working.