how does this sound as an informal "omg please hire me"?

[nageov3t]

so, I'm drafting a letter to take the next step in Plan: GTFO of my Department and I thought I'd ask random strangers for feedback on my informal notice of interest to the person who I'd like to poach me away from my department and into his (lateral-ish move within the same company)... I'm not friends with the target or anything, but we've had to work with each other on a semi-regular basis over the past couple years and have built a pretty good rapport, at least as far as coworkers living on opposite sides of the country can do.

hey X, just wanted to let you know... if you ever find yourself needing another person for your department again*, I'd love to discuss it.

I don't know what the staffing situation is like over there and there's the possibility that I'm stuck in my current department for another 6 months (whether or not my boss would be willing to even think about letting me go before the end of major project that will take until July-August is a giant question mark) but more and more I find myself thinking that I'm ready for a new challenge, and if you find yourself looking to make an addition onto your team at some point in the future, I'd definitely be interested in talking about it.

*said person offered me a job back around Thanksgiving, but due to some things going on in my life (medical drama stuff), I told him that it wouldn't have been fair for me to accept it knowing at the time that I wouldn't be able to give him my 100%.

in any event... too suck-up-ish?

update: sent the email earlier this evening with some modifications... got a response about half an hour ago that was something along the lines of "oh my god yes, let's make this happen" :thumbsup::beer:

 

[destrekor]

I'd say if you've talked a few times before, and feel confident that informal discussion is appropriate, and given the situation, I'd say the letter is pretty good.

And I wouldn't even say the letter is anything near suck-up. Mostly just stating interest and querying whether the option is still on the table.

 

[Atheus]

If you're not good friends I'd take out 'love' and '...' and write your best semi-formal English. You are technically applying for a job after all. Your 'ready for a new challenge' is good.

 

[Mo0o]

sounds good to me

 

[Farang]

More than half of your text is useless but the tone is good. You take four times as long as you need to say what you need in the opening, and all I get from the second part is that you hate your current job and want to move onto something else. Why should he care how you feel, what's in it for him?

example of wordiness: "I don't know what the staffing situation is like over there" is useless. "Just wanted to let you know" is useless, and implied given that you are emailing him.

anyway good luck.. I hope I don't sound like a jackass I just send an email to some people I'm editing a document with in this same tone and I think it is efficient but makes me sound like a dick

 

[JMapleton]

Just be like, "yo dawg, this department is cramping my style. throw me a line."

 

[mAdMaLuDaWg]

Things like this should never be communicated via email. If you know him that well u would be better off taking him to lunch and discussing it there.

 

[Zim Hosein]

Originally posted by: mAdMaLuDaWg
Things like this should never be communicated via email. If you know him that well u would be better off taking him to lunch and discussing it there.

at least as far as coworkers living on opposite sides of the country can do.

That's going to be an expensive lunch!

 

[rudeguy]

so you are telling the guy that you want to be your boss that you are wanting to leave your current boss hanging in the middle of a major project?

Good plan.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: loki8481

hey X, just wanted to let you know... if you ever find yourself needing another person for your department again*, I'd love to discuss it.

I don't know what the staffing situation is like over there and there's the possibility that I'm stuck in my current department for another 6 months (whether or not my boss would be willing to even think about letting me go before the end of major project that will take until July-August is a giant question mark) but more and more I find myself thinking that I'm ready for a new challenge, and if you find yourself looking to make an addition onto your team at some point in the future, I'd definitely be interested in talking about it.

In two short paragraphs, two people "find themselves" doing things, and person B also asks person A if he "finds himself" doing yet a third thing.

"Make an addition onto." <---- Ugh.

. . . And so on.

None of this really matters much, though, as this is a guy who already knows and has wanted you professionally.

So . . . just send him your first paragraph. It carries all the necessary info to begin a dialog.

 

[Billb2]

Hello X:

I greatly enjoyed working with you in the past and if you find yourself looking to make an addition onto your team I'd definitely be interested in talking about it.

Yourname

And don't use corporate email!

 

[nageov3t]

sent the email earlier this evening with some modifications... got a response about half an hour ago that was something along the lines of "oh my god yes, let's make this happen" :thumbsup::beer:

now I just have to decide whether getting away from my boss and all the BS in my department is worth working both saturday AND sunday (and 2-3 other days of my choosing... presumably monday/tuesday).

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: loki8481
now I just have to decide whether getting away from my boss and all the BS in my department is worth working both saturday AND sunday (and 2-3 other days of my choosing... presumably monday/tuesday).

ZOMG, this is your blog.

 

[nageov3t]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: loki8481
now I just have to decide whether getting away from my boss and all the BS in my department is worth working both saturday AND sunday (and 2-3 other days of my choosing... presumably monday/tuesday).

ZOMG, this is your blog.

or I'm pathologically indecisive

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: loki8481
update: sent the email earlier this evening with some modifications... got a response about half an hour ago that was something along the lines of "oh my god yes, let's make this happen" :thumbsup::beer:

Why are warning bells suddenly going off in my head? Are you sure you're not rushing into this?

 

[RedCOMET]

Good job!!!

now the better question, can i have your old job?

 

[nageov3t]

Originally posted by: Eeezee

Originally posted by: loki8481
update: sent the email earlier this evening with some modifications... got a response about half an hour ago that was something along the lines of "oh my god yes, let's make this happen" :thumbsup::beer:

Why are warning bells suddenly going off in my head? Are you sure you're not rushing into this?

could be! I haven't said yes yet and I'm probably going to arrange a time to hang out with the guys in my potential future department at our corporate offices on one of my days off to get a real understanding of what the day to day job entails.

 

[Born2bwire]

Originally posted by: loki8481

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: loki8481
now I just have to decide whether getting away from my boss and all the BS in my department is worth working both saturday AND sunday (and 2-3 other days of my choosing... presumably monday/tuesday).

ZOMG, this is your blog.

or I'm pathologically indecisive

Yes, then let's have total strangers make life choices for you. After all, we have the best intentions in mind.

 

[Soccerman06]

Who would hire Loki?