How do you stop being totally autistic?

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
I am a diagnosed aspie and I've never felt a few moments of genuine ease in my 20s. I want the continous self-criticism to stop, the panic attacks, the revision of nearly every individual thought to ensure its socially appropriate, etc to get on with my life and end my financial crisis.
 

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
You're essentially asking the collective intelligence of ATOT to solve autism. Have you visited this forum much?
I thought that with the increased prevalence of autism-spectrum disease in the tech community, many people would have excellent coping mechanisms they might share
 
  • Like
Reactions: Paladin3

snoopy7548

Diamond Member
Jan 1, 2005
8,122
5,144
146
See a physician and psychiatrist?

I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I have had constant self-criticism, thinking people are always looking at me/judging me, afraid to talk to others, and all those general feelings. It's like I'm constantly hyper self-aware and always worried about everything.

After a panic attack/breakdown I finally talked to my physician and he put me on Citalopram (20mg/day), and it has been almost a night and day difference. To put it bluntly, I just don't care anymore, but I am still myself. I feel pretty lucky that trying this one medication just seems to have worked, as others have to go through many to find the one.

Though if you do have autism and need help coping with it, you do need to talk to either a physician so they can prescribe you the proper medication or a psychiatrist so they can help you manage those feelings and thoughts.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ottonomous

Thebobo

Lifer
Jun 19, 2006
18,574
7,671
136
See a physician and psychiatrist?

I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I have had constant self-criticism, thinking people are always looking at me/judging me, afraid to talk to others, and all those general feelings. It's like I'm constantly hyper self-aware and always worried about everything.

After a panic attack/breakdown I finally talked to my physician and he put me on Citalopram (20mg/day), and it has been almost a night and day difference. To put it bluntly, I just don't care anymore, but I am still myself. I feel pretty lucky that trying this one medication just seems to have worked, as others have to go through many to find the one.

Though if you do have autism and need help coping with it, you do need to talk to either a physician so they can prescribe you the proper medication or a psychiatrist so they can help you manage those feelings and thoughts.

Citalopram worked for me as well but I was a lot older but damn be careful if you decide you don't need it anymore. The slowest you can reduce your mg daily over a couple month time is best. Sure your doctor will tell you. I was prescribed Citalopram by a regular doctor don't need so see a shrink.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ottonomous

Regs

Lifer
Aug 9, 2002
16,665
21
81
You need to accept it for what it is first. Your message makes it sound like you have some permanent disease that will ruin your life. Once you realize it won't - you will get better. Worrying about it only makes it worse. Once you realize you can manage it and not fear it you will be on the path to recovery.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ottonomous

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
See a physician and psychiatrist?

I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I have had constant self-criticism, thinking people are always looking at me/judging me, afraid to talk to others, and all those general feelings. It's like I'm constantly hyper self-aware and always worried about everything.

After a panic attack/breakdown I finally talked to my physician and he put me on Citalopram (20mg/day), and it has been almost a night and day difference. To put it bluntly, I just don't care anymore, but I am still myself. I feel pretty lucky that trying this one medication just seems to have worked, as others have to go through many to find the one.

Though if you do have autism and need help coping with it, you do need to talk to either a physician so they can prescribe you the proper medication or a psychiatrist so they can help you manage those feelings and thoughts.
Me too, but I was moved back to Fluoxetine (Prozac) and Clomipramine (Anafranil). Helps that they treat anxiety too.
 

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
You need to accept it for what it is first. Your message makes it sound like you have some permanent disease that will ruin your life. Once you realize it won't - you will get better. Worrying about it only makes it worse. Once you realize you can manage it and not fear it you will be on the path to recovery.
I am actually at a very bad time, my 20s have been ruined and I am the tail end and haven't found my footing in my career. The academic side is good and many bosses told me to go back into academia/research and stay there
 

madoka

Diamond Member
Jun 22, 2004
4,344
712
121
I thought that with the increased prevalence of autism-spectrum disease in the tech community, many people would have excellent coping mechanisms they might share

I agree that there's a lot of people on ATOT who are on the spectrum.

You should look up tridentboy. Somehow against all odds, he managed to get a six figure job and a girlfriend even though he wages a one man war against common sense and good advice.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ottonomous

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
I agree that there's a lot of people on ATOT who are on the spectrum.

You should look up tridentboy. Somehow against all odds, he managed to get a six figure job and a girlfriend even though he wages a one man war against common sense and good advice.
Thank you for being so understanding. That is my goal for early 30s, 6 figures and a potential relationship with marriage following courtship
 

Red Squirrel

No Lifer
May 24, 2003
68,413
12,593
126
www.anyf.ca
I'm super low on the spectrum so it does not really affect me day to day, that said, I went through a depression/anxiety episode a few months back which may or may not be related at all. It just hit randomly. I went on meds (escitalopram) for a few months and then got off and that helped me. I didn't really get much from counseling (I still recommend it though) because there is nothing in my life that has made me "feel depressed" to lead to it so it's not like I was trying to solve an issue that is bothering me.

Think in my case it was a lack of day light. So if you feel you're depressed and/or unmotivated to do anything evaluate how much day light you are getting in a day to day setting. Anxiety and depression often go together too. If you're always indoors, or always sleeping in and going to bed late, especially in winter you arn't getting enough day light and that starts to mess with your head. You need blue light entering your eyes, and UVB on your skin. Those two things keep depression at bay and make you feel more energetic. I don't know how that will affect autism though, but it's worth considering for overall mental health.

That said, chronic mental health issues like autism is something you more or less need to learn to live with and treat. Some people do need meds permanently, and there's nothing wrong with that. Treat it the same as eye glasses or any other medical aid of that nature. If you can figure out life style changes that make it so you don't need the meds, then all the power to you, but don't feel bad if you do need to be dependent on them.
 

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
I'm super low on the spectrum so it does not really affect me day to day, that said, I went through a depression/anxiety episode a few months back which may or may not be related at all. It just hit randomly. I went on meds (escitalopram) for a few months and then got off and that helped me. I didn't really get much from counseling (I still recommend it though) because there is nothing in my life that has made me "feel depressed" to lead to it so it's not like I was trying to solve an issue that is bothering me.

Think in my case it was a lack of day light. So if you feel you're depressed and/or unmotivated to do anything evaluate how much day light you are getting in a day to day setting. Anxiety and depression often go together too. If you're always indoors, or always sleeping in and going to bed late, especially in winter you arn't getting enough day light and that starts to mess with your head. You need blue light entering your eyes, and UVB on your skin. Those two things keep depression at bay and make you feel more energetic. I don't know how that will affect autism though, but it's worth considering for overall mental health.

That said, chronic mental health issues like autism is something you more or less need to learn to live with and treat. Some people do need meds permanently, and there's nothing wrong with that. Treat it the same as eye glasses or any other medical aid of that nature. If you can figure out life style changes that make it so you don't need the meds, then all the power to you, but don't feel bad if you do need to be dependent on them.
Thanks for the detailed answer. And I can absolutely relate to your experience

Do you get that depressive 'tinge' or episode when you see flouroscent light, and warm sunlight really helping?

People are also considering codifying the screen response in electronic screen syndrome, but it has a long way to go in terms of recognition from the scientific community. I'll reduce screen time but its the main therapy for the social withdrawal.
 

Paladin3

Diamond Member
Mar 5, 2004
4,933
877
126
I don't know shit about autism, but I have observed some things and made some uneducated conclusions: Everyone's brain works differently and has different gifts. The happiest autistic people I've met have accepted who they are and found methods to cope, often excelling in a way a more "normal" person could not. They've also found a way to love themselves regardless of not being like "normal" folks. Who's to say what's "normal" or demonize those who are "different?" I'm sure at least some of the burdens carried by the autistic are the fault of society trying to force them to be "normal" and not accepting them for who they are.

So, no cure that I've heard of, but I hope with support and love you find methods to cope, and are accepted and loved by those important to you. Including yourself.

Sorry, if that comes of a me say to just deal with it. I'm not. And I said I don't know shit (in general.)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ottonomous

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
I don't know shit about autism, but I have observed some things and made some uneducated conclusions: Everyone's brain works differently and has different gifts. The happiest autistic people I've met have accepted who they are and found methods to cope, often excelling in a way a more "normal" person could not. They've also found a way to love themselves regardless of not being like "normal" folks. Who's to say what's "normal" or demonize those who are "different?" I'm sure at least some of the burdens carried by the autistic are the fault of society trying to force them to be "normal" and not accepting them for who they are.

So, no cure that I've heard of, but I hope with support and love you find methods to cope, and are accepted and loved by those important to you. Including yourself.

Sorry, if that comes of a me say to just deal with it. I'm not. And I said I don't know shit (in general.)
Your reply is much appreciated and my family has expressed this in some form a lot.
 

local

Golden Member
Jun 28, 2011
1,851
515
136
I am a diagnosed aspie and I've never felt a few moments of genuine ease in my 20s. I want the continous self-criticism to stop, the panic attacks, the revision of nearly every individual thought to ensure its socially appropriate, etc to get on with my life and end my financial crisis.

Short answer: Time, experience and luck.

Long answer: I know exactly how you feel and I could have wrote this when I was in my late 20s. I have never been diagnosed but easily can check all the boxes so I am almost certainly on the spectrum somewhere. As long as I can remember I was always considered one of the odd kids. I was/am very quiet, not because I want to be but because I am afraid that I will say something wrong and people would think less of me. Constantly thinking everything out to almost paralysis and almost always settling on the worst possible outcome so I would abandon the idea.

To this day I still relive events from as far back as when I was a 4 year old and beat myself up for doing the wrong thing. Once I had a career, I found myself in situations that I could see what I needed to do and could easily tell someone the proper thing in an instant but time after time I retreated inside my own head where I would tell myself everything would go wrong and I wouldn't do it. Finally one of those times where all I had to do was simply go introduce myself to one person led to me fleeing the scene and having a full blown panic attack, I cannot remember how I got home. Later that day I scheduled an appointment with my Dr and he prescribed some anti-anxiety meds, citalopram I think.

Unlike some on here I did not notice a night and day difference, I still had the same thoughts but it was more like I had a single drink in me. I was a little looser but all the same problems still existed, I did not have any more panic attacks though. I was on some kind of med for four years or so and people are completely right about not being able to just stop whenever you want, stopping does not go well unless you wean yourself down to an almost ineffective dose. I have seen some research that says some of these meds have some kind of permanent influence and that may be the case because I did not go all the way back to the way I was before I started taking them.

I have been off any meds for about six years now. I am also a different person than I was then too. I still overthink way too much stuff but I have been able to convince myself not to do that as much. I am still pretty quiet but I will speak it is just part of my personality to listen for all the information and not vomiting out ill informed crap. And I have not felt the need to flee a situation in a very long time. Did the meds help some of this? Possibly. But I believe the most important thing has been punching my brain in the face and just doing it, it is terrifying at first Over time I was able to add positive results into my thought process that used to be all negative. The more times I succeeded in not being an idiot, it's going to happen but not nearly as much as you think it will, the more I stopped thinking that was what would always happen.

So over time I gained enough experience that the self doubt was reduced and I gained confidence. All those other times that stuff went right but I really didn't do anything I call luck, and it has happened enough that I actually feel pretty lucky now and that helps as well.

Just look at my posting history here. I lurked daily from 2006 to 2011, created an account because I thought I had something to say but talked myself out of it and then finally said something about 2 years later. At some point early on I even made a post in L&R asking for help being more social. But over time I posted more and more because I am not scaring myself into inaction like I used to but I do still rewrite these about half a dozen times before submitting.

One problem I don't have is love. Once upon a time I was 20, sitting in a car playing GTA while fifty other people talked in the parking lot on a Saturday night. A 15 year old girl said she kinda liked me to some of my friends and so they did what friends do and locked her in the car with me. Now she was pretty self defeating as well but managed to choke out that she liked me and I was too afraid to say anything other than OK. 16 years later we are still together and have three kids. Again I was incredibly lucky and we work almost perfectly together, so I cannot much help that part of your problem.

I am not saying I am cured and I still battle with it every day to some degree. I don't have any real life friends anymore, I stay at home more than I would like, and I still have to force my head into doing things. But I do believe that it will get even better with more time.
 

Ottonomous

Senior member
May 15, 2014
559
292
136
Short answer: Time, experience and luck.

Long answer: I know exactly how you feel and I could have wrote this when I was in my late 20s. I have never been diagnosed but easily can check all the boxes so I am almost certainly on the spectrum somewhere. As long as I can remember I was always considered one of the odd kids. I was/am very quiet, not because I want to be but because I am afraid that I will say something wrong and people would think less of me. Constantly thinking everything out to almost paralysis and almost always settling on the worst possible outcome so I would abandon the idea.

To this day I still relive events from as far back as when I was a 4 year old and beat myself up for doing the wrong thing. Once I had a career, I found myself in situations that I could see what I needed to do and could easily tell someone the proper thing in an instant but time after time I retreated inside my own head where I would tell myself everything would go wrong and I wouldn't do it. Finally one of those times where all I had to do was simply go introduce myself to one person led to me fleeing the scene and having a full blown panic attack, I cannot remember how I got home. Later that day I scheduled an appointment with my Dr and he prescribed some anti-anxiety meds, citalopram I think.

Unlike some on here I did not notice a night and day difference, I still had the same thoughts but it was more like I had a single drink in me. I was a little looser but all the same problems still existed, I did not have any more panic attacks though. I was on some kind of med for four years or so and people are completely right about not being able to just stop whenever you want, stopping does not go well unless you wean yourself down to an almost ineffective dose. I have seen some research that says some of these meds have some kind of permanent influence and that may be the case because I did not go all the way back to the way I was before I started taking them.

I have been off any meds for about six years now. I am also a different person than I was then too. I still overthink way too much stuff but I have been able to convince myself not to do that as much. I am still pretty quiet but I will speak it is just part of my personality to listen for all the information and not vomiting out ill informed crap. And I have not felt the need to flee a situation in a very long time. Did the meds help some of this? Possibly. But I believe the most important thing has been punching my brain in the face and just doing it, it is terrifying at first Over time I was able to add positive results into my thought process that used to be all negative. The more times I succeeded in not being an idiot, it's going to happen but not nearly as much as you think it will, the more I stopped thinking that was what would always happen.

So over time I gained enough experience that the self doubt was reduced and I gained confidence. All those other times that stuff went right but I really didn't do anything I call luck, and it has happened enough that I actually feel pretty lucky now and that helps as well.

Just look at my posting history here. I lurked daily from 2006 to 2011, created an account because I thought I had something to say but talked myself out of it and then finally said something about 2 years later. At some point early on I even made a post in L&R asking for help being more social. But over time I posted more and more because I am not scaring myself into inaction like I used to but I do still rewrite these about half a dozen times before submitting.

One problem I don't have is love. Once upon a time I was 20, sitting in a car playing GTA while fifty other people talked in the parking lot on a Saturday night. A 15 year old girl said she kinda liked me to some of my friends and so they did what friends do and locked her in the car with me. Now she was pretty self defeating as well but managed to choke out that she liked me and I was too afraid to say anything other than OK. 16 years later we are still together and have three kids. Again I was incredibly lucky and we work almost perfectly together, so I cannot much help that part of your problem.

I am not saying I am cured and I still battle with it every day to some degree. I don't have any real life friends anymore, I stay at home more than I would like, and I still have to force my head into doing things. But I do believe that it will get even better with more time.
This is very accurate. I never thought other aspies had that "gegenhalten" or weight of inertia that was depressing. I didn't find a lot of posts like that in wrongplanet. Thanks for sharing your experience, sometimes the best treatment is acknowledgement of the same experience
 

local

Golden Member
Jun 28, 2011
1,851
515
136
This is very accurate. I never thought other aspies had that "gegenhalten" or weight of inertia that was depressing. I didn't find a lot of posts like that in wrongplanet. Thanks for sharing your experience, sometimes the best treatment is acknowledgement of the same experience

It always helps to know you are not alone. My own discovery of that was with my Father. I always knew his as the friendly guy who is able to talk to anyone. In a moment of desperation I told him about my problems, he told me he has the same problems and that when he was young he couldn't talk to anyone either. I took that as an example that it is possible to adapt and work around the issues.

In the end I think just being able to talk about it like you are now is helpful as well.
 

Mayne

Diamond Member
Apr 13, 2014
8,838
1,374
126
I didn't talk to anyone for the first 10 years of my life.