How do you review beef?

[SSSnail]

Every time I buy a new beef, I read reviews of it on BeefAdvocate. Here's one review of a beef I'm eating tonight:

Appearance - decent bright blood red color, a brief indentation disappears quick but manages to leave a few swaths of lace on the glass. Does it have to be alternator sized?

Aroma - a touch of grain sweetness, meaty too. Fresh and as it should smell.

Taste - Probably don't want to taste it until it's cooked.

Mouthfeel - chewy-ness is the most notable thing here. The meat is sweetly smooth without being too heavy. 3.5

Edibility- a nicely done steak. Ought to hold its own with or without steak sauce and should taste just as good if there are sea salt seasoning.


My question is, I don't understand how they're able to analyze the beef this way. I taste it and the only thing that really comes to my mind is...it's good or it's bad. How do I develop my tastes so that I can review beef this way?

 

[HAL9000]

As with most things, I put in in my mouth and if what happens next is good then I like it, if not I don't :sneaky:

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Try harder.

 

[Brigandier]

I review beef on the pasture, then I shoot in the head with a 357.

 

[HAL9000]

I review beef on the pasture, then I shoot in the head with a 357.

Technically, I don't think it's beef until it's dead... :hmm:

 

[SandEagle]

Try harder.

or don't try so hard

 

[brainhulk]

have you guys tried bulk beef from online

 

[Brigandier]

Technically, I don't think it's beef until it's dead... :hmm:

Okay, so I review beef after I slaughter it.

Cool fact, when you slaughter and butcher beef in the UP, you can get 5+ Bald Eagles in the pasture afterwards. It's beautiful sight.

 

[HAL9000]

Okay, so I review beef after I slaughter it.

Cool fact, when you slaughter and butcher beef in the UP, you can get 5+ Bald Eagles in the pasture afterwards. It's beautiful sight.

What's "the UP"

 

[SSSnail]

Try harder.

I didn't.

 

[Brigandier]

What's "the UP"

Da UP

A rural area in the US.

 

[HAL9000]

Da UP

A rural area in the US.

Ahhh, Righto!

 

[Angry Irishman]

As with most things, I put in in my mouth and if what happens next is good then I like it, if not I don't :sneaky:

Just like the beer thread....

Point in case...had to add nothing to this thread as well didn't you? :thumbsdown:

 

[Brigandier]

Ahhh, Righto!

It's quite beautiful up here, you should visit sometime. So much lake, some hills on the western side, and natural American wildlife wherever you look. The UP is one of the few untouched areas in America. We even have Sylvania Virgin Forest So you can see what wilderness looks like without any human intervention.

Not going to lie, exploring Sylvania was an eye-opener in my life, and I learned how to appreciate both the natural world and human kind when I walked it. The people up here are nice, even if you are a black, gay midget, you will find kindness up here. It's quite nice and has shaped my beliefs on the world and America.

 

[HAL9000]

Just like the beer thread....

Point in case...had to add nothing to this thread as well didn't you? :thumbsdown:

This is a parody thread, I made a humorous joke, and something I wanted to say in the beer thread, is that I'm not gay, I've never said that I'm gay, you got that wrong.

It's quite beautiful up here, you should visit sometime. So much lake, some hills on the western side, and natural American wildlife wherever you look. The UP is one of the few untouched areas in America. We even have Sylvania Virgin Forest So you can see what wilderness looks like without any human intervention.

Not going to lie, exploring Sylvania was an eye-opener in my life, and I learned how to appreciate both the natural world and human kind when I walked it. The people up here are nice, even if you are a black, gay midget, you will find kindness up here. It's quite nice and has shaped my beliefs on the world and America.

Pics?

 

[Brigandier]

Does that work?

 

[HAL9000]

Does that work?

Better than any image posted on this forum.

 

[Angry Irishman]

This is a parody thread, I made a humorous joke, and something I wanted to say in the beer thread, is that I'm not gay, I've never said that I'm gay, you got that wrong.

Right/wrong, again, who gives a fuck. You just can't leave well enough alone.

 

[HAL9000]

Right/wrong, again, who gives a fuck. You just can't leave well enough alone.

You do, as you seem to go on about my sexuality... If you want to fuck me PM me and we can talk, but don't go on about me all the time. :wub:

 

[Brigandier]

This is a parody thread, I made a humorous joke, and something I wanted to say in the beer thread, is that I'm not gay, I've never said that I'm gay, you got that wrong.

Right/wrong, again, who gives a fuck. You just can't leave well enough alone.

Protip: If you dislike something, ignore it, it will eventually cease to matter to you.

Protip: If you seem to "hate" something and continue to pursue it, what you hate has a large portion of yourself in it, and you need to reflect on that before you attack that what you "hate."

 

[HAL9000]

Protip: If you dislike something, ignore it, it will eventually cease to matter to you.

Protip: If you seem to "hate" something and continue to pursue it, what you hate has a large portion of yourself in it, and you need to reflect on that before you attack that what you "hate."

I think he just hates his own penis, and so hates people who like others. This is just a guess of course.

 

[Mike Gayner]

Fuck, there are meat snobs too now? Jesus christ.

 

[Brigandier]

I think he just hates his own penis, and so hates people who like others. This is just a guess of course.

I hate his penis too, if I thought gay was that boring, I wouldn't have done it.

 

[HAL9000]

I hate his penis too, if I thought gay was that boring, I wouldn't have done it.

Good call. I'm definitely not into doing boring things either.

 

[Angry Irishman]

I actually missed the fact that this was a parody thread.

Regardless of what kind of thread it is HAL managed to get the attention he so desires.

Stay classy and keep on trollin....

I'm done...