How do you get to the 2nd date with a girl? (that you want in a relationship)

[Accipiter22]

Alright, now, I have 0 problem getting numbers from girls....AND if on the first date we hook up a bit, nothing too serious, I can usually hang out with them again...but that's not really a relationship, that's more or less hooking up.

The problem I have, is that with girls I'm interested in seeing what developes and getting to the possibility of a relationship with them, I haven't had a 2nd date in, well ever.. (i'm 24). The few girlfreinds I've had were girls I had sex with on the first date, and stuck around for a few months.

I dunno what's wrong, it seems like the girls I'm genuinely interested in have a nice time, but they never want to hang out again. Or I get paranoid about moving into the friends zone, and make a move on the first date, and then it turns into a booty call situation, or it scares them off.

The problem IS that whenever I DON'T panic and make that move on the first date, the girls immediately think of me as just a friend.

SO how do you guys go on a few dates with a girl you're actually interested in relationship wise, not mess around, and still end up with the girl being interested in you romantically??!??! I'm starting to think that it's too late for me, as I don't have that practice you're supposed to have in high school and college...and that I'm never going to have a meaningful relationship as I missed out on those formative experiences

 

[BD2003]

We ask them out on a second date, after not throwing it all away by having sex with them on the first.

 

[JS80]

you're what they call a man slut

 

[middlehead]

I think the first two replies summed it up fairly well.

 

[yowolabi]

First, when a girl sleeps with you on the first date, you're pretty much guaranteed a second one, unless you were just horrible in bed. No girl wants to think of themselves as a slut, and if she sleeps with you and then immediately admits there's no chance of a relationship.... she'd feel pretty bad. So even if you're doing something really wrong with every girl you date, you'd still get second dates with those girls.

Could you explain what usually happens when you try to get a second date with a girl you never slept with, and how those first dates go when there's no sex involved?

 

[Pepsei]

always aim for kiss close instead of number close if you can at the end of the night. that way, your "statement of intent" is quite clear to the girl.

don't ever devote more than 30% of your time to her, when she calls and ask you what you're doing, always say that you just got in or you're about to leave. the point is that you are always busy and not waiting for them to call. they would wonder what you've been doing. you're suppose to make them want you and not the other way around.

and like i said before, dating is a reward to the girl, not something that you offer. don't spend money when you can be "romantic" another way. have her cook for you at her place. or cook for her at your place. meet for coffee instead of dinner, go to park.

use touching to your advantage, but don't letch. use interesting stories, try to find that connection, use humor (but don't try too hard). don't offer compliments on their looks (it should be a reward for her, after they do something for you, like kissing). they're used to people saying how hot they are all their lives (you do pick up cute girls right)? by not complimenting on them, this is something new to them, and presents a challenge to them, most of them would love this.

i have more tips... maybe later...

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: JS80
you're what they call a man slut

I don't have sex constantly, nor do I have a reputation as doing so, as the girls I do it with are never connected. PLUS I try for extended periods to find a girl to develope something real with, so I'll be celibate for a few months at a time....

 

[SP33Demon]

You can hook up with a girl but not have sex with them on the first date. A simple kiss leaving them wanting more is fine. If you're banging most of these girls on the first date then you're choosing the wrong girls.

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: yowolabi
First, when a girl sleeps with you on the first date, you're pretty much guaranteed a second one, unless you were just horrible in bed. No girl wants to think of themselves as a slut, and if she sleeps with you and then immediately admits there's no chance of a relationship.... she'd feel pretty bad. So even if you're doing something really wrong with every girl you date, you'd still get second dates with those girls.

Could you explain what usually happens when you try to get a second date with a girl you never slept with, and how those first dates go when there's no sex involved?

well when there's no sex involved, and I'm trying to show interest.....


Let's say I take them out to dinner, or make them dinner at my place. I'll ask them questions about their background, generally let the conversation flow where it might, explore any common interests or common ground we may have (like if we both like the same sports team, talk about that for a bit, you get the idea). I usually like to have two phases, like a dinner/whatever phase, and an after dinner/after-whatever....so you see what the person is like in different circumstances....so maybe after dinner, I'll go to a movie with them...or if they like art, maybe go to a gallery or something like that.


The conversation usually flows good (i've only had one BAD date as far as that goes), they seem polite, and interested. So a 2, or 3 days, or a week later I'll ask them if they want to go on another date. they ALWAYS say they're going to be really busy (when I know they're not), or they just stop picking up their phone, and don't call back if I leave a voicemail

 

[Pepsei]

the first few times you hang out with them are very important, this is where you ask most of the questions to find out what their core value is.

i usually prefer coffee over dinner because with dinner, you have to have an hour of materials ready to present your case. with coffee, you can cut your date short. "ah, it's getting late, i have to get up early tomorrow"..etc girls do not expect you to cut it short. don't let a "date" drag out too long. make them chase you instead of you chasing them.

try using special stories people wrote like "time distortion" ( how to make a girl you just met feel like you've been friends forever). or use the discovery channel story. works like a charm.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: Accipiter22

Originally posted by: yowolabi
First, when a girl sleeps with you on the first date, you're pretty much guaranteed a second one, unless you were just horrible in bed. No girl wants to think of themselves as a slut, and if she sleeps with you and then immediately admits there's no chance of a relationship.... she'd feel pretty bad. So even if you're doing something really wrong with every girl you date, you'd still get second dates with those girls.

Could you explain what usually happens when you try to get a second date with a girl you never slept with, and how those first dates go when there's no sex involved?

well when there's no sex involved, and I'm trying to show interest.....


Let's say I take them out to dinner, or make them dinner at my place. I'll ask them questions about their background, generally let the conversation flow where it might, explore any common interests or common ground we may have (like if we both like the same sports team, talk about that for a bit, you get the idea). I usually like to have two phases, like a dinner/whatever phase, and an after dinner/after-whatever....so you see what the person is like in different circumstances....so maybe after dinner, I'll go to a movie with them...or if they like art, maybe go to a gallery or something like that.


The conversation usually flows good (i've only had one BAD date as far as that goes), they seem polite, and interested. So a 2, or 3 days, or a week later I'll ask them if they want to go on another date. they ALWAYS say they're going to be really busy (when I know they're not), or they just stop picking up their phone, and don't call back if I leave a voicemail

Then you're probably just creepy, dull, or both.

 

[ColdFusion718]

Originally posted by: BD2003

Originally posted by: Accipiter22

Originally posted by: yowolabi
First, when a girl sleeps with you on the first date, you're pretty much guaranteed a second one, unless you were just horrible in bed. No girl wants to think of themselves as a slut, and if she sleeps with you and then immediately admits there's no chance of a relationship.... she'd feel pretty bad. So even if you're doing something really wrong with every girl you date, you'd still get second dates with those girls.

Could you explain what usually happens when you try to get a second date with a girl you never slept with, and how those first dates go when there's no sex involved?

well when there's no sex involved, and I'm trying to show interest.....


Let's say I take them out to dinner, or make them dinner at my place. I'll ask them questions about their background, generally let the conversation flow where it might, explore any common interests or common ground we may have (like if we both like the same sports team, talk about that for a bit, you get the idea). I usually like to have two phases, like a dinner/whatever phase, and an after dinner/after-whatever....so you see what the person is like in different circumstances....so maybe after dinner, I'll go to a movie with them...or if they like art, maybe go to a gallery or something like that.


The conversation usually flows good (i've only had one BAD date as far as that goes), they seem polite, and interested. So a 2, or 3 days, or a week later I'll ask them if they want to go on another date. they ALWAYS say they're going to be really busy (when I know they're not), or they just stop picking up their phone, and don't call back if I leave a voicemail

Then you're probably just creepy, dull, or both.

I don't think so. In this day and age you, you have to play the game with the correct techniques or you end up going home and masturbating like most guys do.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: ColdFusion718

Originally posted by: BD2003

Originally posted by: Accipiter22

Originally posted by: yowolabi
First, when a girl sleeps with you on the first date, you're pretty much guaranteed a second one, unless you were just horrible in bed. No girl wants to think of themselves as a slut, and if she sleeps with you and then immediately admits there's no chance of a relationship.... she'd feel pretty bad. So even if you're doing something really wrong with every girl you date, you'd still get second dates with those girls.

Could you explain what usually happens when you try to get a second date with a girl you never slept with, and how those first dates go when there's no sex involved?

well when there's no sex involved, and I'm trying to show interest.....


Let's say I take them out to dinner, or make them dinner at my place. I'll ask them questions about their background, generally let the conversation flow where it might, explore any common interests or common ground we may have (like if we both like the same sports team, talk about that for a bit, you get the idea). I usually like to have two phases, like a dinner/whatever phase, and an after dinner/after-whatever....so you see what the person is like in different circumstances....so maybe after dinner, I'll go to a movie with them...or if they like art, maybe go to a gallery or something like that.


The conversation usually flows good (i've only had one BAD date as far as that goes), they seem polite, and interested. So a 2, or 3 days, or a week later I'll ask them if they want to go on another date. they ALWAYS say they're going to be really busy (when I know they're not), or they just stop picking up their phone, and don't call back if I leave a voicemail

Then you're probably just creepy, dull, or both.

I don't think so. In this day and age you, you have to play the game with the correct techniques or you end up going home and masturbating like most guys do.

I disagree.

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: Pepsei
the first few times you hang out with them are very important, this is where you ask most of the questions to find out what their core value is.

i usually prefer coffee over dinner because with dinner, you have to have an hour of materials ready to present your case. with coffee, you can cut your date short. "ah, it's getting late, i have to get up early tomorrow"..etc girls do not expect you to cut it short. don't let a "date" drag out too long. make them chase you instead of you chasing them.

try using special stories people wrote like "time distortion" ( how to make a girl you just met feel like you've been friends forever). or use the discovery channel story. works like a charm.

discovery channel story? Never heard that one

 

[sygyzy]

Please teach us the time distortion and discovery channel story.

 

[eakers]

Originally posted by: Pepsei
always aim for kiss close instead of number close if you can at the end of the night. that way, your "statement of intent" is quite clear to the girl.

don't ever devote more than 30% of your time to her, when she calls and ask you what you're doing, always say that you just got in or you're about to leave. the point is that you are always busy and not waiting for them to call. they would wonder what you've been doing. you're suppose to make them want you and not the other way around.

and like i said before, dating is a reward to the girl, not something that you offer. don't spend money when you can be "romantic" another way. have her cook for you at her place. or cook for her at your place. meet for coffee instead of dinner, go to park.

use touching to your advantage, but don't letch. use interesting stories, try to find that connection, use humor (but don't try too hard). don't offer compliments on their looks (it should be a reward for her, after they do something for you, like kissing). they're used to people saying how hot they are all their lives (you do pick up cute girls right)? by not complimenting on them, this is something new to them, and presents a challenge to them, most of them would love this.

i have more tips... maybe later...

or you could tell her that you like her and say you want to see her more.

normal, non-crazy girls THAT LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE will go for this. The tips above mainly work for girls that ARE NOT THAT INTERESTED IN YOU.

 

[jlmadyson]

Tequila typically.

 

[So]

Originally posted by: sygyzy
Please teach us the time distortion and discovery channel story.

Yes, o-great one, do tell.

 

[Pepsei]

Originally posted by: eakers
or you could tell her that you like her and say you want to see her more.

normal, non-crazy girls THAT LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE will go for this. The tips above mainly work for girls that ARE NOT THAT INTERESTED IN YOU.

i agree, part of my tips does prohibit you from saying things like you like her and want to see her more (you have to say something like that to set up a date anyway). so that if that girl happens to be non-crazy, they will go for you too... win win.

 

[astrocase]

Originally posted by: Pepsei
the first few times you hang out with them are very important, this is where you ask most of the questions to find out what their core value is.

i usually prefer coffee over dinner because with dinner, you have to have an hour of materials ready to present your case. with coffee, you can cut your date short. "ah, it's getting late, i have to get up early tomorrow"..etc girls do not expect you to cut it short. don't let a "date" drag out too long. make them chase you instead of you chasing them.

try using special stories people wrote like "time distortion" ( how to make a girl you just met feel like you've been friends forever). or use the discovery channel story. works like a charm.

Tell stories or ban!

 

[Pepsei]

Originally posted by: Accipiter22
discovery channel story? Never heard that one

assuming that you got the opening and you're alone with the girl, you're talking or that this is the date/meet after the first....
This only works on smart girls, ie college age or so..... you don't have to follow it script by script, if you are uncomfortable saying certain words, sub with something else. practice.


You: "You know, I saw the most interesting show on the Discovery Channel last month. They were interviewing people who make their living designing attractions for amusement parks like Magic Mountain and Disneyland and Universal Studios. Wouldn't that be a cool way to make a living?"

Her: "Yeah! That sounds so interesting."

You: "Well, anyway, they were talking about the elements that make up the ideal attraction. They said there are 3 parts to the ideal attraction. First, when you EXPERIENCE the ideal attraction, you FEEL A STATE OF HIGH AROUSAL. The ideal attraction makes your heart beat faster, and your breathing gets faster and you just FEEL THAT AMAZING RUSH all over."

Her: "Yeah!"

You: "And then they said that another part to an ideal attraction is - it's fascinating. You just FEEL SO ENTHRALLED that you want to TAKE THIS RIDE (point to youself) multiple times; as soon as you GET OFF you want to GET BACK ON again."

Her: "Yeah!"

You: "And they said, finally, the most important element, is a sense of overall safety. That even though the attraction make look a little dangerous, you're CERTAIN YOU'RE SAFE... you FEEL SAFE because you realise nothing bad can really happen, so that allows you to FEEL TOTALLY FREE to LET GO AND ENJOY THAT GREAT AROUSAL again and again and again. Can you (squeeze her hand) feel _that_... is pretty close to the way it is?"

Her: "Oooh...yeah!!"

Usually though, after you're done with your description, the girl says with a sly smile "Sounded more like making love" Don't be shocked, don't stiffen up - for she loved it regardless Or rather... exactly because of that. And if nothing else comes to mind, you can answer with a confused look at first and then a "Well... now that you mention it".

You: "When you imagine how much fun it is to ride a roller coaster or any other kind of amusement park ride .. Its like as that ride is climbing up and up, you can feel your heart pounding with excitement, you feel you're breathing faster and faster, sometimes you're even gasping and panting you feel the blood rushing through every part of your body and as that excitement and tension is building and building, you reach the top of the ride and then as it crests, you just release it in a flood of excitement, and sometimes you're screaming you're so turned on.

And you know, afterwards I thought to myself, isn't that the totally accurate description of your ideal attraction to another person. You know that kind of wonderful click right there (right in the center of who you are) that just makes you feel totally drawn to this person and on one hand you feel totally safe and totally comfortable like you were meant to know them and as if you've known them forever." (sqeeze her hand again)

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: Pepsei

Originally posted by: Accipiter22
discovery channel story? Never heard that one

assuming that you got the opening and you're alone with the girl, you're talking or that this is the date/meet after the first....
This only works on smart girls, ie college age or so..... you don't have to follow it script by script, if you are uncomfortable saying certain words, sub with something else. practice.


You: "You know, I saw the most interesting show on the Discovery Channel last month. They were interviewing people who make their living designing attractions for amusement parks like Magic Mountain and Disneyland and Universal Studios. Wouldn't that be a cool way to make a living?"

Her: "Yeah! That sounds so interesting."

You: "Well, anyway, they were talking about the elements that make up the ideal attraction. They said there are 3 parts to the ideal attraction. First, when you EXPERIENCE the ideal attraction, you FEEL A STATE OF HIGH AROUSAL. The ideal attraction makes your heart beat faster, and your breathing gets faster and you just FEEL THAT AMAZING RUSH all over."

Her: "Yeah!"

You: "And then they said that another part to an ideal attraction is - it's fascinating. You just FEEL SO ENTHRALLED that you want to TAKE THIS RIDE (point to youself) multiple times; as soon as you GET OFF you want to GET BACK ON again."

Her: "Yeah!"

You: "And they said, finally, the most important element, is a sense of overall safety. That even though the attraction make look a little dangerous, you're CERTAIN YOU'RE SAFE... you FEEL SAFE because you realise nothing bad can really happen, so that allows you to FEEL TOTALLY FREE to LET GO AND ENJOY THAT GREAT AROUSAL again and again and again. Can you (squeeze her hand) feel _that_... is pretty close to the way it is?"

Her: "Oooh...yeah!!"

Usually though, after you're done with your description, the girl says with a sly smile "Sounded more like making love" Don't be shocked, don't stiffen up - for she loved it regardless Or rather... exactly because of that. And if nothing else comes to mind, you can answer with a confused look at first and then a "Well... now that you mention it".

You: "When you imagine how much fun it is to ride a roller coaster or any other kind of amusement park ride .. Its like as that ride is climbing up and up, you can feel your heart pounding with excitement, you feel you're breathing faster and faster, sometimes you're even gasping and panting you feel the blood rushing through every part of your body and as that excitement and tension is building and building, you reach the top of the ride and then as it crests, you just release it in a flood of excitement, and sometimes you're screaming you're so turned on.

And you know, afterwards I thought to myself, isn't that the totally accurate description of your ideal attraction to another person. You know that kind of wonderful click right there (right in the center of who you are) that just makes you feel totally drawn to this person and on one hand you feel totally safe and totally comfortable like you were meant to know them and as if you've known them forever." (sqeeze her hand again)

Youd have to be damn confident to pull something like that off...thats no rookie move, and the slightest hint of insincerity or rehearsal would probably have it backfire in your face.

 

[Pepsei]

Originally posted by: So

Originally posted by: sygyzy
Please teach us the time distortion and discovery channel story.

Yes, o-great one, do tell.

Time distortion is having her think about a time in the future and her feelings for a special somebody "say six months from now" (see "Falling in Love" pattern). If you've done a good enough job, that hypothetical special somebody in her imagination will be you! She feels safe and secure with that as it is only her fantasy, just a thought, and nobody knows about it. Or at least that's what she thinks.

But even if she doesn't imagine you as her special somebody, it doesn't matter. The object of time distortion is to have her imagine you and her six months from now, not even necessarily as lovers, just have her experience the thought of having known you for six months already. And before she knows it, she feels much more safe and secure with you, as if she has known you for a long time already (like... say... six months?.

It's really pretty simple. You just make up some fantasy that takes place in the future involving you and her and explain it to her. By the time you close, it's almost ridiculous because she FEELS LIKE she has known you for so long already because you have taken her mentally to the future and in order to understand that she has to IMAGINE KNOWING YOU FOR MONTHS. She has imagined that you are good friends and like each other and travel together etc. You should see the looks on their faces when you say "oh it's getting late i have to go, you know, i really enjoyed talking to you, and i want to talk to you again, how can i contact you?", they can't believe how close they feel to you and you don't even have their number".

Example of a time distortion story:

"There was this girl I met over the Internet who would only respond once in a while, making me wait as long as two weeks for a reply if any at all. At one point I decided to put a stop to it. I wrote her the following little story:

"I know that right now it's hard for anyone to recognize when they meet the person they want to share their lives with, especially with the overload of information and male congestion on the Internet. But sometimes I think that Mother Nature provides food for every little bird in this world but that doesn't mean it will drop it in its nest. People are the same way. There is someone out there for every one of us, but we still have to go out there and find him or her.

With that in mind I cannot help but look into the future and see a young woman asking her grandmother for advice in the matters of the heart. You look at your grand daughter with love in your eyes, speaking in a kind voice, recalling moments from your youth when you weren't sure whether your heart was melting for the right man. Then you smile and tell her to trust her heart even if her mind says no, because there was a time when a young man was desperately trying to get your attention but for some reason he could not find his way into your heart. Just before you decided to put an end to his misery he wrote one compelling letter straight from his heart and that's when you knew he was the man who deserved your love. Your mind was still not convinced but you decided to let things happen at least for the sake of finding out for sure. Though it wasn't immediate, your heart and mind surrendered to the power of love. Had I given up at first we wouldn't be here talking about matters of the heart my dear girl, for that young man was none other but your grand daddy."

That one email alone made her not want to miss out on such a perfect future."

 

[Pepsei]

Originally posted by: BD2003

Youd have to be damn confident to pull something like that off...thats no rookie move, and the slightest hint of insincerity or rehearsal would probably have it backfire in your face.

practice makes perfect. you can't laugh, but you can smile as if you're joking and then turn serious near the last part.

 

[astrocase]

That's a tough one to pull off.