How do you even begin telling someone that their parenting skills sucks?

[hongkongfever]

I mean it's a lot easier from the outside looking in when it comes to parenting. But how do you even begin to tell someone that they should re-evaluate their parenting skills? From what I know, it's difficult for a parent to admit or see that they aren't doing things right because they, for the most part, parent with their heart and don't use their brains. Hence, they may take offense to someone questioning whether what they do is right. So as an outsider, how do you begin to nudge or suggest that this isn't working?

And I'm not talking about parents letting their children misbehave. More geared towards the way they treat their child and probably causing emotional pain/distress/scars that will affect them later in life.

 

[nageov3t]

you don't.

if you see abuse, report it to the authorities or maybe mention it to like the grandparents... otherwise, it's none of your business.

 

[hongkongfever]

you don't.

if you see abuse, report it to the authorities or maybe mention it to like the grandparents... otherwise, it's none of your business.

It's easy to say leave it alone but if you know the people then it's a lot harder. Abuse wise, I don't think it's abuse for the sake of being evil. I was raised with an iron fist and I believe children deserve a spanking to a certain degree. I just think there's a lot of misunderstanding that could be cleared up with some proper adjustments.

 

[AlienCraft]

You raise your own children as an example. Otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself.

 

[SacrosanctFiend]

It's easy to say leave it alone but if you know the people then it's a lot harder. Abuse wise, I don't think it's abuse for the sake of being evil. I was raised with an iron fist and I believe children deserve a spanking to a certain degree. I just think there's a lot of misunderstanding that could be cleared up with some proper adjustments.

It's none of your business how someone wants to raise their child unless they are doing things that violate established laws.

I'm going to raise my child to be a ninja. Would you want to tell me my parenting skills suck?

 

[hongkongfever]

You raise your own children as an example. Otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself.

Yeah I have been keeping it to myself but it seems to escalate as the child grows older. I grew up in a household with a lot of communication problem and I know how it affected me so it breaks my heart to see it happening in front of me. Especially when I think both the parent and child can benefit from a little counseling.

 

[hongkongfever]

It's none of your business how someone wants to raise their child unless they are doing things that violate established laws.

I'm going to raise my child to be a ninja. Would you want to tell me my parenting skills suck?

Yes if it negatively affects your childs' emotional health and if you're not even a certified ninja yourself.

 

[HardcoreRobot]

there is no cure for stupidity

 

[AreaCode707]

You ask questions.

"How's Bobby?"
blah blah always in trouble whatever
"Oh wow, sorry to hear about that. How have you been handling it?"
blah blah sucky parenting
"Huh, interesting. How is that working out?"
blah blah Bobby still sucks
"Hm. You know, I've found that doing good parenting skill x really works with my kids for reasons a b and c. I also remember my parents doing bad parenting skill and it really had a last impact on me by making me feel blah, and I had to really work through that as an adult."

You can't tell them they're bad parents, but you can engage them in conversation and contribute offhanded suggestions that they may internalize and perhaps utilize later.

 

[SacrosanctFiend]

Yes if it negatively affects your childs' emotional health and if you're not even a certified ninja yourself.

Who are you to determine what negatively affects my child's emotional health?

And, watch it. My child's godfather is from Iga.

 

[hongkongfever]

Who are you to determine what negatively affects my child's emotional health?

And, watch it. My child's godfather is from Iga.

My childs' godfather can whoop your childs' godfather.

 

[FoBoT]

But how do you even begin to tell someone that they should re-evaluate their parenting skills?

So as an outsider, how do you begin to nudge or suggest that this isn't working?

you can't do that without pissing them off
so don't or if you do expect to piss them off

 

[oiprocs]

Why the hell can't he say that they are bad parents? What, is he not concerned about the future? What if that kid ends up raping someone down the road because of the emotional abuse? What if he becomes mayor of some city and embezzles tons of money from honest businesses?

Telling him to shut his mouth and keep his opinions to himself is a fucking stupid idea.

OP, tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them you're concerned and you're trying to be honest with them. If they decide to cut ties with you, so be it. But you may be the spark they need to fix their parenting skills. If you sit back, do nothing, and make offhand comments, you're no better than them.

 

[Modelworks]

Why the hell can't he say that they are bad parents? What, is he not concerned about the future?

You can't do anything that isn't politically correct in this country now. Can't talk to people about how they raise their kids , but if the kid grows up maladjusted , it wasn't their fault because the parent abused them and someone should have done something.

If a parent is abusing a child then I am going to get involved, I don't care who gets upset. That whole turning a blind eye stuff is crap.


It clearly bothered the OP enough that he is asking how to handle it, to me that warrants at least talking with the parents and trying to understand why they are doing what they are doing. If it is something like the kid is gay and the parents hate him for it then either the parents need to become understanding of the situation or the kid needs new parents. Situations like that do not result in well adjusted adults.

 

[nageov3t]

You can't do anything that isn't politically correct in this country now. Can't talk to people about how they raise their kids , but if the kid grows up maladjusted , it wasn't their fault because the parent abused them and someone should have done something.

If a parent is abusing a child then I am going to get involved, I don't care who gets upset. That whole turning a blind eye stuff is crap.


It clearly bothered the OP enough that he is asking how to handle it, to me that warrants at least talking with the parents and trying to understand why they are doing what they are doing. If it is something like the kid is gay and the parents hate him for it then either the parents need to become understanding of the situation or the kid needs new parents. Situations like that do not result in well adjusted adults.

you "can" say whatever the hell you want to.

but I've never met a single couple who appreciated parenting advice/criticism from their single, childless friends, so the OP should have every reason to expect the target of his criticism to be highly offended and annoyed with him and to ignore whatever he says anyways.

 

[bob4432]

my wife kind of told a friend of hers and was told to mind her own biz - you don't have kids. as friends, they haven't talked in about 6yrs, after a fluke reconnection my wife found out the child, now 16, has run away 3-4x and doing everything possible to piss them off, in fact the child has again run away and the parents now say that if the child comes back to them they are going to turn said child over to the state. it was so blatant it was ridiculous as we watched them grow up and the treatment of this 1 child was completely different than the others, but nothing that was outright actionable, just a "thats fucked up" type of stuff from the time the child was born.

 

[JulesMaximus]

I mean it's a lot easier from the outside looking in when it comes to parenting. But how do you even begin to tell someone that they should re-evaluate their parenting skills? From what I know, it's difficult for a parent to admit or see that they aren't doing things right because they, for the most part, parent with their heart and don't use their brains. Hence, they may take offense to someone questioning whether what they do is right. So as an outsider, how do you begin to nudge or suggest that this isn't working?

And I'm not talking about parents letting their children misbehave. More geared towards the way they treat their child and probably causing emotional pain/distress/scars that will affect them later in life.

I'm curious why you think it's your place to tell them anything?

 

[Triumph]

I'll tell you what a problem I see with today's parents: no one lets anyone else parent their children. I remember acting up with a friend in a store when we were 8 or 9, my friend's dad smacked us both. I wonder how many people in this thread, if they found out their children's friend's parent did that, would call that parent and chew him out? You have helicopter parents who feel that their kids can do no wrong and God forbid a teacher reprimand them in class. How dare they! Little Jimmy is an angel! Guess what, no he isn't! Parents should be embarrassed that their child had to be corrected by another adult. When you act up at school you get it twice, once at school and once at home!

Now on the other hand, I can see the point of others in this thread about "minding your own business." If one of these idiot helicopter parents tried to correct me for not overprotecting my kids (I don't have any), I'd tell them to pound sand.

 

[ballmode]

Call child services

 

[nageov3t]

I'll tell you what a problem I see with today's parents: no one lets anyone else parent their children.

If one of these idiot helicopter parents tried to correct me for not overprotecting my kids (I don't have any), I'd tell them to pound sand.

so, what you're saying is, you should get to parent other people's children but no one should get to parent your children?

different parents have different thoughts and methods and values. your best bet in nearly every single situation is to stay out of it unless you see something extreme going on.

inevitably, the only result of confrontation on this issue, especially as a non-parent, will be angering your friends as they ignore whatever you say because they rightly feel that it's none of your business.