How do you comfort someone who has lost a friend?

[GodlessAstronomer]

Last night my best friend from university lost a friend in a tragic accident. He was a 15 year old kid, a family friend who was like a little brother to her. Obviously she is very upset and I have never really dealt with someone in grief before.

She came into uni today (I told her I would be more than happy to take care of things, but she is a very strong person) but she couldn't handle any classes after our first lecture, so I just hung out with her on campus all day and listened to her talk and tried to make her feel better. I don't think I'm very good at it and it makes me horribly sad to see her upset.

Any advice?

Please don't troll this thread. Before anyone asks I don't know the details of the accident. All I know is that I was talking to her on Google Talk last night when she told me she got the phone call that her friend was dead.

 

[Riceninja]

pics?

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

Absolutely not. Sorry.

 

[x-alki]

Continue to do what you are doing. That's all you can do. I know the helpless feeling sucks but being there for her is all you can really do.

 

[guyver01]

I just hung out with her on campus all day and listened to her talk and tried to make her feel better..

Any advice?..

sounds to me like you're doing fine, dude

 

[waggy]

just be there. thats it. let her talk about her friend and have someone to lean on and talk to.

 

[Numenorean]

Buy her some sheep?

 

[KB]

She may want to look into talking with a university counselor. They are often free to speak with for students and they may have more experience in dealing with this than you. You could look into it for her and let her know its an option if she needs it.

 

[lxskllr]

sounds to me like you're doing fine, dude

Yea, just giving her attention, and a sounding board when she wants it is about all you can do. If she doesn't have much going on for extracurricular activities, maybe take her out to dinner or something.

 

[rudder]

OP, in the future do not put a request asking people "please no trolling"... I think some users seach for that term looking specifically for threads like this. As evidenced above.

 

[edro]

Give her a big hug, pat her on the back and say "Everything's going to be ok... everything's going to be ok...".
Do this every time you see her, even after the restraining order.

 

[Old Hippie]

just be there. thats it. let her talk about her friend and have someone to lean on and talk to.

There ya have it.

An understanding, friendly, sounding board is all that's needed and you're doing just fine. :thumbsup:

 

[RavenSEAL]

Must....resist...urge...to....trolll....so....hard >.<

Just kidding, keep doing what you're doing bro :thumbsup:

 

[dardarla]

As someone who lost someone close once, theres really nothing you can do to make her 'feel better'. Just listen and talk to her, like your already doing. Keep doing that even after you think she needs to move on, grief takes a long time to work through.

Good luck.

 

[crashtestdummy]

just be there. thats it. let her talk about her friend and have someone to lean on and talk to.

This, and don't stop being yourself. If she comes to you upset, be sympathetic, but don't bring up this issue or try to gauge her state every ten minutes. Just be the friend you always have.

 

[tcsenter]

Oh man, did I say that? NM!

 

[Nik]

so I just hung out with her on campus all day and listened to her talk and tried to make her feel better. I don't think I'm very good at it and it makes me horribly sad to see her upset.

Sounds like you're on the right track. Spend time with her so she doesn't feel alone. You don't necessarily have to get her talking, but be attentive and listen when she does.

Sometimes there's just nothing you can say, but simply being there for her will help.

 

[ravana]

Do what you are doing.

Also, I did like the counselor suggestion up above, if your university offers something like that.

 

[DayLaPaul]

Vocalize to her that you are there for her if she needs anything -- someone to talk to, keep her company, run errands, anything. Even if she doesn't take you up on it, she'll at least know the offer is out there and it will mean something to her.

The most important thing is that you tell her this directly. Just assuming that she knows you are there for her isn't enough.

 

[Anubis]

act like House and call her an idiot


but seriously what you are doing is good and what others have suggested

 

[BurnItDwn]

act like House and call her an idiot
but seriously what you are doing is good and what others have suggested

Probably not the sheep though...



Pretty much she needs time to get over it, give her space don't be overbearing, but tell her you'll listen if she wants to talk. Also, feel free to offer her distractions from time to time...

 

[gophins72]

just be there. thats it. let her talk about her friend and have someone to lean on and talk to.

anything more is intruding.

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

As others have said, you're doing the best thing... be there, listen, don't interrupt, give her the space to work things out.

If she asks for your thoughts then give them, but don't open your mouth before then. That part is hard for a lot of people.

 

[Kelemvor]

Just try to do things that are active, fun, up beat, etc so she doesn't dwell on the tragedy and fall into depression or anything like that.

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

Just try to do things that are active, fun, up beat, etc so she doesn't dwell on the tragedy and fall into depression or anything like that.

This is what I have been doing. I spent the day with her again today. She was laughing this afternoon that she didn't have to use any tissues all day. Thanks for the advice guys, all of you, I really appreciate it. We laughed a lot today.