- Sep 25, 2000
- 22,151
- 5
- 61
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the
>menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
>Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
>nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said
>the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I
>replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
>the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets,
>but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook
>my head and ordered six McNuggets.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I was checking out at the local Foodland with just
>a few items and the lady behind me put her things
>on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
>"Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
>placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
>mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
>she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for
>the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
>bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this
>is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
>don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and
>I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue
>to what had just happened.....
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into
>her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
>When inquired as to what she was doing, she said
>she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
>asking for a credit card number, so she was using
>the ATM "thingy".
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
>beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked.
>She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
>battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
>get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a
>distant convenient store) would have a battery to
>fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm
>too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she
>answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
>took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
>replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
>about the batteries it's a long walk.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
>swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
>secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
>What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
>secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
>last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
>photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
>motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
>vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
>generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked
>the manager what had happened. He told me that the
>driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in
>the back to make a sandwich.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station:
>Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations
>department in the central office of a large bank.
>Employees in the field call him when they have
>problems with their computers. One night he got a
>call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had
>this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back
>of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science
>class, when the teacher commented that the next day
>would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner
>became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
>explained to her that the amount of daylight changes,
>not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she
>was very disappointed.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect
>by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting
>it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message
>"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
>pressed the copy button each time they thought the
>suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the
>"lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
>--------------------
>
>And from the usual source...
>
>Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down
>the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far
>too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail
>they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her
>into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the
>back with the drunk woman.
>
>As they drove through the streets they kept asking the
>woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked
>the officers arm is "Your Passionate."
>
>They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same
>response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate".
>
>The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped
>the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around
>this City for two hours and you still haven't told us
>where you live."
>
>She replied I keep trying to tell you: "Your Passin' It!"
>menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
>Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
>nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said
>the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I
>replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
>the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets,
>but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook
>my head and ordered six McNuggets.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I was checking out at the local Foodland with just
>a few items and the lady behind me put her things
>on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
>"Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
>placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
>mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
>she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for
>the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
>bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this
>is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
>don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and
>I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue
>to what had just happened.....
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into
>her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
>When inquired as to what she was doing, she said
>she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
>asking for a credit card number, so she was using
>the ATM "thingy".
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
>beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked.
>She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
>battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
>get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a
>distant convenient store) would have a battery to
>fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm
>too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she
>answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
>took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
>replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
>about the batteries it's a long walk.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
>swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
>secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
>What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
>secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
>last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
>photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
>motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
>vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
>generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked
>the manager what had happened. He told me that the
>driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in
>the back to make a sandwich.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station:
>Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations
>department in the central office of a large bank.
>Employees in the field call him when they have
>problems with their computers. One night he got a
>call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had
>this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back
>of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science
>class, when the teacher commented that the next day
>would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner
>became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
>explained to her that the amount of daylight changes,
>not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she
>was very disappointed.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect
>by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting
>it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message
>"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
>pressed the copy button each time they thought the
>suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the
>"lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
>--------------------
>
>And from the usual source...
>
>Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down
>the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far
>too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail
>they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her
>into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the
>back with the drunk woman.
>
>As they drove through the streets they kept asking the
>woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked
>the officers arm is "Your Passionate."
>
>They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same
>response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate".
>
>The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped
>the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around
>this City for two hours and you still haven't told us
>where you live."
>
>She replied I keep trying to tell you: "Your Passin' It!"
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