How do I tell my Mom that my Dad is getting remarried?

[Actaeon]

So on our weekly dinner my Dad let us know hes getting remarried.

Trying to avoid details, but my mother and my father divorced a 3-4 years ago. I think the reason was this woman hes marrying. So, stating the obvious, my mom hates them both with a passion. She still keeps in somewhat contact with him (called him for advice on a car the other week).

Obviously my mother is going to get pissed when she finds this out, and obviously she will. So, I figure its best to break it to her soon than let her find out on her own.

I realize I know my mother best, so theortically I should have the best answer for my own question but it never hurts to ask for advice. Has anyone ever had to break news like this to a relative/friend?

Thanks

EDIT: To everyone saying I don't need to tell her. YES I DO.

My father isn't going to tell her, and neither is my brother. When my dad gets married, of course my mother will know that I knew before hand, espically since I'm attending the wedding. If I knew, and didn't tell her, she would get unbelievably pissed at me. Shes had a tough time dealing with all when he moved out the first time, I just know shes going to get angry about it. Theres no way I can avoid telling her. I realize my mom needs to mind her own business, but she doesn't know that, and she'll eventually find out if I didn't tell her.

 

[CrazyHelloDeli]

You cant break it to her easy. Quit wringing your wrists and tell her.

 

[Ronstang]

Originally posted by: HelloDeli
You cant break it to her easy. Quit wringing your wrists and tell her.

 

[toekramp]

that is hard as shit, good luck, just come straight out with it

 

[nycxandy]

The sooner the better.

 

[wfbberzerker]

take a clue from southpark. have your mom line up with some other people, and say: "all those with exes who aren't getting remarried step forward. woah woah woah mom, not so fast."

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

I would think that your dad ought to be the one to tell her rather than putting you in that position. If he won't then you tell her as soon as possible without any concern about your mom's reaction. The only thing that will make it worse is if you sit on the info.

 

[Actaeon]

Well, shes not home at the moment. My dinner with my father occurs on Wednesdays, and because I didn't think too much of it until now, I believe I'll wait till next Wednesday to let her know (she'll have the impression I found out then).

 

[kuk]

Acteon, sure you're not my brother? My situation was exactly the same ... same time frames, same people involved. The only difference is that I was certain that the reason was the woman he was marrying.

I did all this last month. I spent a whole month wondering how I should break her the news. She asked me what was going on, I told her clearly, she was shocked but understanding. It's something that was inevitable.


It sucks ... but it might help your mom to move on.

 

[MichaelD]

Why are you so anxious to tell your Mom that Dad's remarrying? Why is it your job to "break the news?"

Mom's a big girl; she'll find out on her own. Mind your business. I mean that in a nice way.

Besides, if they ARE divorced, it's not either one's business/problem if the other remarries/dates/whatever.

 

[CrazyHelloDeli]

"Mom, Dad is marrying the slut he had an affair with. But, I do have good news".
"What"?
"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico".

 

[GTaudiophile]

You don't! No one said you had to play "messenger".

 

[jtusa]

Originally posted by: HelloDeli
"Mom, Dad is marrying the slut he had an affair with. But, I do have good news".
"What"?
"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico".

lol

 

[Actaeon]

Kuk: I'm about 90% sure thats his reason... considering the day he "left", he moved in with her. He might have had his own other reasons as well, but I know for a fact she played big role in the seperation.

Michael: I'm not anxious at all, I'm going to dread it. But my father isn't going to tell her, and neither is my brother. When my dad gets married, of course my mother will know that I knew before hand, espically since I'm attending the wedding. If I knew, and didn't tell her, she would get unbelievably pissed at me. Shes had a tough time dealing with all when he moved out the first time, I just know shes going to get angry about it. Theres no way I can avoid telling her. I realize my mom needs to mind her own business, but she doesn't know that, and she'll eventually find out if I didn't tell her.

 

[MichaelD]

Well, it's good to see that you love your Mom and Dad. That's a beautiful thing.

Don't know the circumstance behind the split, but from what Iv'e read here, it sounds like your Dad "jumped the fence." Men tend to do that...it's the nature of the beast. Women don't jump the fence...they kind of "prowl around" behind it. Same end result, though.

It's good that you havent' disowned your Dad. I'm sure he loves you, as does your Mom.

Well, if you've gotta tell her, just tell her, but be a man about it. Don't cower. Just tell it like it is. When she flips the hell out, just...stay outta her way. Tell her to calm the hell down if that's what it takes to keep her from throwing the chairs thru the kitchen window.

Good luck.

 

[Actaeon]

Alright Michael, thanks.

Whenever we're alone, I'll just remove all heavy objects in the room, tell her I have something to say, then we'll talk. Eh, can't get any more simple and straight forward than that.

Thanks again guys ...

I'm going to hate every moment of it.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: HelloDeli
You cant break it to her easy. Quit wringing your wrists and tell her.

You don't wring your wrists. You wring your hands.


I agree with the sentiment though.. there is no god way... just tell her and prepare to spend the next 5 hours or so consoling her and answering questions you don't know the answer to.

Open your heart to her and you will be fine.

I feel a great deal of sympathy for her. These situations are never easy.

 

[djheater]

I also disagree with the mind your own business camp. No good ever came out of withholding the truth from people you love.

 

[gotsmack]

have your dad send her a wedding invitation. problem solved.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

One day when she isn't doing anything and isn't busy, so you don't let it interfere with something she was looking forward to or something, just go in and tell her you have something very important to talk about. Either that, or call her to where ever you are and tell her that there is something serious you need to talk about

Just spit it out then, no point waiting, just do it and get it over with

 

[Actaeon]

djheater: I see the "mind your own business camp's" reasoning. It was between them, not me right? So therefore I shouldn't be involved, and let them figure it out.

But I believe they're missing the point. My mother will know no matter what, and she'll know I knew before. Of course she'll get pissed at me for not telling her. I just figure I gotta let her know. Better have her marginally pissed now, than extremely pissed later.

 

[SandInMyShoes]

Depends on what kind of personality she's got, only you know that... but if she's like my mom, you'd be best off trying to make it seem offhand when you bring it up, but bring it up as soon as you get a chance.

 

[midwestfisherman]

Why do you feel it is your responsibility to be the messenger in this situation? Why should your mom give a rip what your dad is now doing? They're divorced. What the other is doing in their life now is neither ones business anymore. I wouldn't put myself in the middle of it. Who cares if you knew before your mom knew. If your mom makes an issue of that, she needs to grow up and get some perspective. It's not a question of keeping anything from her, it's more an issue of, it's not your responsibility to be a mediator, messenger, or anything else when it comes to the issues between them.

 

[SandInMyShoes]

All of you people saying he shouldn't give her the message don't understand what a situation like this is like. Sure, he isn't legally required to tell her, but it seems that in this case he's going to HAVE to be the messenger to keep good relations with his mother. I know the situation all too well, and it's not ideal.

 

[AaronB]

Originally posted by: Actaeon
djheater: I see the "mind your own business camp's" reasoning. It was between them, not me right? So therefore I shouldn't be involved, and let them figure it out.

But I believe they're missing the point. My mother will know no matter what, and she'll know I knew before. Of course she'll get pissed at me for not telling her. I just figure I gotta let her know. Better have her marginally pissed now, than extremely pissed later.

This is between your mother and father, stay out of it if you aren't comfortable (which you obviously aren't)

Seriously. Your mother has you worried about her state of "pissyness" because of an issue that should be dead to her.

As you put it, they have been divorced for years. At this point it shouldn't matter if he left her for a goat and is now deciding to marry the thing. It's over between him and your mom so what he does now is his business. If she can't handle that then she has some issues she needs to get over.

Tell her if you want, don't tell her if you aren't comfortable, and if she has a problem with the latter tell her it's not your problem.

I was tied up between 2 bitter parents myself and I learned to put my foot down. I flat out told each of them that they were no longer going to talk about the other while around me nor were they to pry me for information about each other. If they failed to respect my wishes I would hang up on them if we were speaking on the phone or I would leave if we were speaking in person. Things were tense at first when I began to treat them in a manner in which they were not accustomed but they got over it and I am less stressed now that they know not to use me as their pawn. (for the record, my mother took this much worse then my father. It was almost a year before she got over it but she did get over it)

I realize I might be stretching a bit by comparing my situation to yours but the way you seem to be worried about your mother being "pissed" at you reminds me of myself a few years ago.


Oh, and stop being afraid of your mother. Thats pathetic.