I recommend Ahead's InCD which is included with Nero Buring ROM (or available as a free add-on download). If you don't already have Nero it can be had for just a few buckaroos.
Another option is Matsushita's software which can be had for free. Depending on the drive the manufacturer or brand may offer a download. Otherwise try one of the links
here.
Lastly, Windows XP can format DVD-RAM in FAT32, however UDF using one of the aforementioned is much preferred.