How do I approach my wife about her eating habits?

[Conky]

Originally posted by: Amused
I would write her a letter. She cannot argue with a letter.

Focus on your concern for her health and let her know you are finding her less attractive. But do so in a completely non-insulting way. Be sure to express your love for her over and over, but let her know that her actions and lack of concern for herself is endangering your marriage.

The good thing about a letter is you can read it over and over to be sure you don't say the wrong thing... and have a few female friends proof read it as well before you give it to her.

No matter what you do, she's going to be hurt. The key is doing it in a way that inspires her to change back into an active, healthy person rather than just hating you.

No offense but I think this is a terrible idea. She will not see the "I love you"'s even if you wrote it one million times. She will see "I find you unattractive" in ten-story tall letters and will never ever forgive you for that.

I don't know much about women but I know this letter writing suggestion would be a big mistake with any of the women I have ever known.

 

[3NF]

Does she enjoy her job? If so, maybe things will get better after she goes back. If she hates her job, then it will probably get worse.

Just talk to her and tell her what you're feeling.

 

[Balt]

Originally posted by: Bumrush99
Put a lock on the fridge.
Tell her she is turning in to a fat ass and that your considering cheating.
Spike her food with Trim Spa, Ana Nicole edition.


Let us know how those 3 steps work out for you.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

[3NF]

Originally posted by: Conky

Originally posted by: Amused
I would write her a letter. She cannot argue with a letter.

Focus on your concern for her health and let her know you are finding her less attractive. But do so in a completely non-insulting way. Be sure to express your love for her over and over, but let her know that her actions and lack of concern for herself is endangering your marriage.

The good thing about a letter is you can read it over and over to be sure you don't say the wrong thing... and have a few female friends proof read it as well before you give it to her.

No matter what you do, she's going to be hurt. The key is doing it in a way that inspires her to change back into an active, healthy person rather than just hating you.

No offense but I think this is a terrible idea. She will not see the "I love you"'s even if you wrote it one million times. She will see "I find you unattractive" in ten-story tall letters and will never ever forgive you for that.

I don't know much about women but I know this letter writing suggestion would be a big mistake with any of the women I have ever known.

I agree with you, but everyone takes things differently. Only the OP can tell how she might react to it. My wife? She'd wipe her butt with the note and then tell me to go screw myself

 

[James3shin]

a fvcking letter? are you kidding me? This is a wife, not some school girl crush. "Do you like me? Check yes or no." Go talk to her man, she's your WIFE!

 

[SaltBoy]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Why are BOTH of you getting up for middle of the night feeds? isn't one exhausted parent in the house enough? Breast feeding stinks for the first few months,it takes a good 8-10 weeks to build up a good milk supply and a good nursing "fit"between mom and baby,it sucks but she'll be getting greatly interupted sleep for quite awhile.. there will be periods,called "grow spurts" in which mom will be nursing/pumping almost hourly around the clock because demand is exceeding supply.

I say,you need to sleep at night,you'll have more energy and more patience

As to your wife,it can take a full year for everything to snap back into place, you say she'll be going back to work soon,that will help as she'll be confronting her pre-pregnancy wardrobe.Btw, during her pregnancy she must have discussed what she planned to do to get back into shape after the baby? Perhaps you can casually mention/ask her about that? "Honey,have you looked into the rates at that new gym you were talking about?" sounds a lot better than saying she's turning into a pig

That's why I turn to you good people. I've never been faced with having to tell anybody - let alone my wife - that they should get in shape. This is new territory for me.

She sounds like she's having some anxiety/depression

And that's why I get up in the middle of the night; I really am trying to make her life easier.

 

[montanafan]

If she's going to be returning to work in a couple of weeks, just wait and see if that helps. It'll get her away from just sitting around all day waiting for the next feeding, she's going to think twice about her eating habits when she starts trying to fit into her clothes for work as someone else said, if she works with a lot of other women the topic of ways to lose post-pregnancy weight is going to come up there, she'll get back into her old routine and hopefully eating patterns as well, and you could be a thoughtful (and sneaky) husband and volunteer to make her lunch to take with her and include low-fat, low-calorie, healthy foods in it.

 

[preslove]

Originally posted by: DrPizza
Response from Mrs. Pizza: Get the he(double toothpicks) off the computer and go spend some time with your wife and the baby and quit bitching about it. Maybe she needs some attention from you.

Response from Mr. Pizza: Gotta agree with my wife. You work out for 45 minutes a day? I'm going to assume that your wife is stuck home all day long with your baby, while you're at work. Then, when you get out of work, she continues to be stuck in the role of single parent while you go and work out. I can't blame her for just sitting there eating.

Suggestion: why don't you buy one of those jogging strollers and go out for walks with your wife instead of complaining that she sits home and eats. Maybe she doesn't want to exercise alone? Skip your individual workouts and find something to do with her, or find a babysitter and take her to the gym with you. Yeah, you can take the responsibility of finding the babysitter - don't leave it up to her. I'm not going through and quoting you from throughout the thread, but there are a few statements that make it sound like you consider raising the baby to be your wife's job.

/end harsh.

Very good idea. You need to get involved in her weight loss endeavor. Just telling her to get in shape without changing your behavior will come across as ass-hattery.

Originally posted by: Amused
I would write her a letter. She cannot argue with a letter.

Focus on your concern for her health and let her know you are finding her less attractive. But do so in a completely non-insulting way. Be sure to express your love for her over and over, but let her know that her actions and lack of concern for herself is endangering your marriage.

The good thing about a letter is you can read it over and over to be sure you don't say the wrong thing... and have a few female friends proof read it as well before you give it to her.

No matter what you do, she's going to be hurt. The key is doing it in a way that inspires her to change back into an active, healthy person rather than just hating you.

Very, very bad advice. Letters are for emotional midgets.

 

[DrPizza]

Originally posted by: SaltBoy

She sounds like she's having some anxiety/depression

And that's why I get up in the middle of the night; I really am trying to make her life easier.

Been there, done that. Changing a diaper in the middle of the night hardly takes as much out of you as feeding a baby. Trust me on this one: get the jogger stroller, give up your 45 minute workouts for a while, and go for nice walks during the evening with your wife. Bundle the baby up warmly, wear some sweats, and perhaps you can slowly get the wife up to a jog, and later increase the duration/intensity.

p.s. 8000+ messages here and your wife never reads what you've typed?

 

[KarmaPolice]

I am sure its been said and i havent read any of your post but

"BITCH YOUR FAT!"

 

[erickj92]

I think the best thing to do is some day ask her if she wants to join you on a walk... And then go from there.


P.S. Not many people are happy with their spouse, and sometimes you just have to deal with it... The point is you are not selfish, you are just worried.

 

[OutHouse]

Originally posted by: Vic

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: RyanSengara

Originally posted by: aidanjm
maybe she was one of those women who never enjoyed sex to begin with, and she subconsciously realizes that the fatter she is, the less sex she will have to have..? just a thought.

I think.. you're an ass.

You're gay, you wouldn't have any idea what enjoyable heterosexual sex is like, so you can't pass comment here.

I think.. you're a douchebag.

You're a dumbass, you are completely self absorbed and wouldn't have any idea what a normal relationship is like, so you can't pass comment here.

Why are you defending aidanjm? His comments were not only completely wrong (how many of his girlfriends are post-partum? :roll: ), but they're almost ban-worthy for their level of trollishness IMO.
A woman's sexual mood is highly dependent upon her hormonal make-up. Claiming otherwise, as aidanjm implied, would be no different from a scientific perspective than saying that homosexuality is just an lifestyle choice. Obviously that's wrong, but that didn't stop aidanjm from trollling this thread now did it?
And at the current time, the OP's wife seems to have some hormonal imbalances that likely need treatment. In other words, she needs help, not an asshole that has frequently spouted anti-heterosexual hate speech here (and in the mods' defense, has the record of frequent vacations to go with that).

Some of you people are really disgusting BTW. You pretend you care about people when in fact you only care about causes. Here's a hint: causes ain't people.

what aidanjm said is plausable.

are you a doctor? if not STFU and stop making a diagnosis and giving bad advice.

 

[OutHouse]

Originally posted by: SaltBoy
If you think I'm vain and selfish and "need to look in the mirror", then please go to another thread.

Background - My wife gave birth to our first child two and a half months ago - a very happy, healthy baby boy. She is also breast-feeding the baby, which is a very good, healthy thing to do. Yay.

Unfortunately, my wife has also turned into an absolute pig, and it's beginning to show on her. She eats bags of candy, buys root beer floats - on average, about one a day - and also eats humongus meals three times a day. She's feeling anxious and lethargic and lazy and doesn't take any time to exercise. The only calorie burning she's doing is the breast feeding, but she's taking in so much more calories than she's burning. She still looks like she's pregnant, and quite frankly, she's becoming physically unattractive to me.

I just barely looked at her gulping down another root beer float, sighed, then got a "what's wrong?" question from her. I said "nothing" because the last thing I need is a bitchy wife attacking me for wanting her to be skinny. Actually, I could care less if she's skinny. I just want her to be healthy. Is a normal, regular diet too hard to ask for? What about 30 minutes of exercise a day? This isn't something I can push on her, but somehow, I want her to know how I feel.

And yes, I feel guilty for what could be considered a selfish request, but if I keep these feelings bottled in, I'm going to explode in a very nasty manner one day. And yes, I do exercise - 45 minutes. 6 days a week of hard cardio-vascular - and try to watch what I eat. I admit I eat unhealthy foods, but I do limit my intake. I haven't had a clothing-size change in 6 years.

did she exercise as much as you before the pregnacy came? maybe she doesnt care about exercise, and eating good food at the moment if at all. having babies changes marriages you will have to learn how to deal with things like this or your marriage is doomed.

EDTI: DR.Pizza nailed it. you need to stop your 6 days a week at the gym or where ever you do your workout and devote that time to your wife and baby.

 

[xgsound]

Originally posted by: DrPizza

Originally posted by: SaltBoy

She sounds like she's having some anxiety/depression

And that's why I get up in the middle of the night; I really am trying to make her life easier.

Been there, done that. Changing a diaper in the middle of the night hardly takes as much out of you as feeding a baby. Trust me on this one: get the jogger stroller, give up your 45 minute workouts for a while, and go for nice walks during the evening with your wife. Bundle the baby up warmly, wear some sweats, and perhaps you can slowly get the wife up to a jog, and later increase the duration/intensity.

p.s. 8000+ messages here and your wife never reads what you've typed?

The walks sound like a great idea. Don't wait for the stroller. You carry the baby, that should even out the physical conditioning differences. Take the child by yourself if she doesn't want to go. Then tell her how much the baby (it will be true too) loved it.

The walks will help you two talk to each other. I suggest you NEVER tell her she's so fat you find her unattractive. You will not ever be able to take that comment back and it will change your relationship forever, even if you leave over this.


Jim

 

[Bill Brasky]

The only way she will become open to exercise is if it's with someone. Not only should you do things with her, but also encourage her to exercise with her friends (i.e. form a morning walking group, join a yoga class with friends, etc.). Maybe say she's seemed a little stressed and you would like to watch the baby at so and so time so she could do said activity.

Personally, I think a morning walk together, or her with friends, is the best way for her to feel better. Not only does it increase energy levels throughout the day, but is mentally energizing because you feel darn good about yourself. And you sleep better at night.

 

[daniel49]

Originally posted by: SaltBoy
If you think I'm vain and selfish and "need to look in the mirror", then please go to another thread.

Background - My wife gave birth to our first child two and a half months ago - a very happy, healthy baby boy. She is also breast-feeding the baby, which is a very good, healthy thing to do. Yay.

Unfortunately, my wife has also turned into an absolute pig, and it's beginning to show on her. She eats bags of candy, buys root beer floats - on average, about one a day - and also eats humongus meals three times a day. She's feeling anxious and lethargic and lazy and doesn't take any time to exercise. The only calorie burning she's doing is the breast feeding, but she's taking in so much more calories than she's burning. She still looks like she's pregnant, and quite frankly, she's becoming physically unattractive to me.

I just barely looked at her gulping down another root beer float, sighed, then got a "what's wrong?" question from her. I said "nothing" because the last thing I need is a bitchy wife attacking me for wanting her to be skinny. Actually, I could care less if she's skinny. I just want her to be healthy. Is a normal, regular diet too hard to ask for? What about 30 minutes of exercise a day? This isn't something I can push on her, but somehow, I want her to know how I feel.

And yes, I feel guilty for what could be considered a selfish request, but if I keep these feelings bottled in, I'm going to explode in a very nasty manner one day. And yes, I do exercise - 45 minutes. 6 days a week of hard cardio-vascular - and try to watch what I eat. I admit I eat unhealthy foods, but I do limit my intake. I haven't had a clothing-size change in 6 years.

with full body amour.

 

[CryHavoc]

postpartum depression?

didnt read the entire thread, but this is the most likely culprit. Its a real deal thing and she can get help for it from her doctor.

 

[TravisT]

Say that you want to start eating healthier. If you want her to eat healthy, you should eat healthy with her. Not simply say "You need to eat just vegitables while i'm going to eat this loaded baked potato".

Please don't get me wrong, i'm not saying "practice watch you preach". I'm simply saying it starts with you taking the initiative.

 

[erickj92]

You could try forgetting about it too

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Vic

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: RyanSengara

Originally posted by: aidanjm
maybe she was one of those women who never enjoyed sex to begin with, and she subconsciously realizes that the fatter she is, the less sex she will have to have..? just a thought.

I think.. you're an ass.

You're gay, you wouldn't have any idea what enjoyable heterosexual sex is like, so you can't pass comment here.

I think.. you're a douchebag.

You're a dumbass, you are completely self absorbed and wouldn't have any idea what a normal relationship is like, so you can't pass comment here.

Why are you defending aidanjm? His comments were not only completely wrong (how many of his girlfriends are post-partum? :roll: ), but they're almost ban-worthy for their level of trollishness IMO.
A woman's sexual mood is highly dependent upon her hormonal make-up. Claiming otherwise, as aidanjm implied, would be no different from a scientific perspective than saying that homosexuality is just an lifestyle choice. Obviously that's wrong, but that didn't stop aidanjm from trollling this thread now did it?
And at the current time, the OP's wife seems to have some hormonal imbalances that likely need treatment. In other words, she needs help, not an asshole that has frequently spouted anti-heterosexual hate speech here (and in the mods' defense, has the record of frequent vacations to go with that).

Some of you people are really disgusting BTW. You pretend you care about people when in fact you only care about causes. Here's a hint: causes ain't people.

I just thought ryan's comments were out of line. I wasn't really defending aidanjm's comments...although, I didn't really see anything in his post that leads me to believe he's trolling or pushing a "gay agenda" either.

 

[SaltBoy]

Hey folks, I just wanted to let you know that I talked with my wife about a lot of things tonight. It was completely non-threatening and helped us "bond", so to speak.

No, I didn't tell her that she needed to get in shape; rather, I asked her to go to the doctor to see if she if she needs to be treated for post-partum depression/anxiety, and I also got her to agree to not eat any junk food close to bed time, as it probably is preventing her from sleeping as well as she could.

She also realizes that she hasn't been herself lately and is going to try to do something about it.

Thanks to those of you who offered the great suggestions you did! :thumbsup:

 

[3NF]

Good for you. Give her time, she'll come around.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: SaltBoy
Hey folks, I just wanted to let you know that I talked with my wife about a lot of things tonight. It was completely non-threatening and helped us "bond", so to speak.

No, I didn't tell her that she needed to get in shape; rather, I asked her to go to the doctor to see if she if she needs to be treated for post-partum depression/anxiety, and I also got her to agree to not eat any junk food close to bed time, as it probably is preventing her from sleeping as well as she could.

She also realizes that she hasn't been herself lately and is going to try to do something about it.

Thanks to those of you who offered the great suggestions you did! :thumbsup:

I'm glad to hear that. :thumbsup: I think you'll find that talking with your wife and working through the problem is always the best solution. When our son was born my wife wanted to get back to her normal routine so I'd watch our son in the mornings on the weekends to let her go to the gym and workout as she did prior to him being born. I think this was crucial to her well being and it allowed me to spend time bonding with my son. I'll never forget those times actually. :heart:

I think it was very important that she be able to retain that time for herself and I was glad to give it to her. Of course, I always told her how many diapers I changed when she was gone.

 

[DrPizza]

Originally posted by: SaltBoy
Hey folks, I just wanted to let you know that I talked with my wife about a lot of things tonight. It was completely non-threatening and helped us "bond", so to speak.

No, I didn't tell her that she needed to get in shape; rather, I asked her to go to the doctor to see if she if she needs to be treated for post-partum depression/anxiety, and I also got her to agree to not eat any junk food close to bed time, as it probably is preventing her from sleeping as well as she could.

She also realizes that she hasn't been herself lately and is going to try to do something about it.

Thanks to those of you who offered the great suggestions you did! :thumbsup:

:thumbsup:

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel

Originally posted by: aidanjm
this thread also raises the issue of openness and honestly in a relationship. if you can't say to your partner that you no longer find them attractive (because they have blown up like a balloon), then I think that is more than a bit disturbing.

Telling the woman who just had your child 3 months ago that she is no longer 'attractive' is neither sane nor sensitive.

I know, that comment was a bit flippant.

the one thing that does occur to me is that pregnancy places enormous stress on the mother's body and hugely depletes the mother's body of minerals like calcium etc (the baby is technically a parasite sucking nutrients, minerals, etc. out of the mother's body). presumably breast feeding a baby would also produce more loss of nutrients from the body. deficiencies of minerals like chromium can cause sugar cravings and lead to sugar binging. therefore I wonder if a nutritional supplement would be useful in this situation to reduce cravings for sugar. it couldn't do any harm, and might be helpful.

chromium picolinate is especially good for reducing sugar cravings. studies show it also accelerates fat loss and promotes muscle building (even in people who don't do much exercise). so (assuming a medical checkout shows no serious metabolic issues) I wonder if a multivitamin/ mineral with chromium picolinate, or even a chromium picolinate supplement, would be useful to reduce sugar cravings. it's quite inexpensive,

e.g., http://www.nutriguard.com/minerals.htm

there are some good multivitamins/ minerals with chromium picolinate in then as well, e.g.

http://www.nutriguard.com/health.htm

just a thought.