Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
She's nursing? how often does the baby nurse? many times people eat because they're so overtired they're trying to stay awake. Sleep deprivation really scews up a person's weight,metabolism.
Verse914
Senior member
- Dec 20, 2006
- 779
- 0
- 76
Technically, she still is eating for two if she is breastfeeding.
She just needs to eat healthier foods. I would suggest that you (OP) start eating healthy snacks (carrots, grapes, bananas, etc) and then ask her if she wants some. Maybe if she sees them in the fridge or counter, she will start eating those instead.
We just had our first baby six months ago and the first few months are tough on a woman (the man as well). Its best to just try to support her. I would ditch the root beer immediately though and find something else she can drink. Just go to the store and get something else and tell her that they were out of root beer
Good luck and congrats on the new baby.
She just needs to eat healthier foods. I would suggest that you (OP) start eating healthy snacks (carrots, grapes, bananas, etc) and then ask her if she wants some. Maybe if she sees them in the fridge or counter, she will start eating those instead.
We just had our first baby six months ago and the first few months are tough on a woman (the man as well). Its best to just try to support her. I would ditch the root beer immediately though and find something else she can drink. Just go to the store and get something else and tell her that they were out of root beer
Good luck and congrats on the new baby.
Put a lock on the fridge.
Tell her she is turning in to a fat ass and that your considering cheating.
Spike her food with Trim Spa, Ana Nicole edition.
Let us know how those 3 steps work out for you.
Tell her she is turning in to a fat ass and that your considering cheating.
Spike her food with Trim Spa, Ana Nicole edition.
Let us know how those 3 steps work out for you.
DrPizza
Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
Response from Mrs. Pizza: Get the he(double toothpicks) off the computer and go spend some time with your wife and the baby and quit bitching about it. Maybe she needs some attention from you.
Response from Mr. Pizza: Gotta agree with my wife. You work out for 45 minutes a day? I'm going to assume that your wife is stuck home all day long with your baby, while you're at work. Then, when you get out of work, she continues to be stuck in the role of single parent while you go and work out. I can't blame her for just sitting there eating.
Suggestion: why don't you buy one of those jogging strollers and go out for walks with your wife instead of complaining that she sits home and eats. Maybe she doesn't want to exercise alone? Skip your individual workouts and find something to do with her, or find a babysitter and take her to the gym with you. Yeah, you can take the responsibility of finding the babysitter - don't leave it up to her. I'm not going through and quoting you from throughout the thread, but there are a few statements that make it sound like you consider raising the baby to be your wife's job.
/end harsh.
Response from Mr. Pizza: Gotta agree with my wife. You work out for 45 minutes a day? I'm going to assume that your wife is stuck home all day long with your baby, while you're at work. Then, when you get out of work, she continues to be stuck in the role of single parent while you go and work out. I can't blame her for just sitting there eating.
Suggestion: why don't you buy one of those jogging strollers and go out for walks with your wife instead of complaining that she sits home and eats. Maybe she doesn't want to exercise alone? Skip your individual workouts and find something to do with her, or find a babysitter and take her to the gym with you. Yeah, you can take the responsibility of finding the babysitter - don't leave it up to her. I'm not going through and quoting you from throughout the thread, but there are a few statements that make it sound like you consider raising the baby to be your wife's job.
/end harsh.
Amused
Elite Member
- Apr 14, 2001
- 57,545
- 20,241
- 146
I would write her a letter. She cannot argue with a letter.
Focus on your concern for her health and let her know you are finding her less attractive. But do so in a completely non-insulting way. Be sure to express your love for her over and over, but let her know that her actions and lack of concern for herself is endangering your marriage.
The good thing about a letter is you can read it over and over to be sure you don't say the wrong thing... and have a few female friends proof read it as well before you give it to her.
No matter what you do, she's going to be hurt. The key is doing it in a way that inspires her to change back into an active, healthy person rather than just hating you.
Focus on your concern for her health and let her know you are finding her less attractive. But do so in a completely non-insulting way. Be sure to express your love for her over and over, but let her know that her actions and lack of concern for herself is endangering your marriage.
The good thing about a letter is you can read it over and over to be sure you don't say the wrong thing... and have a few female friends proof read it as well before you give it to her.
No matter what you do, she's going to be hurt. The key is doing it in a way that inspires her to change back into an active, healthy person rather than just hating you.
Winner!!!
Just how much does the OP help out with childcare? How is the new mom supposed to squeeze in any time to sleep/rest, let alone work out if she's the only one handling the baby & the home? Newborns are major energy zappers, anyone would be too tired to even think about working out let alone making/eating proper meals when they are exhausted because they are only ones doing newborn care 24/7.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
I remeber nursing my children,I remember stretches of time that they would eat every 2 hours, during groth spurts in order to make more milk,you've got to nurse more,between that and trying to keep up with the laundry and trying to keep the house from becoming a complete sinkhole I had no energy for much else. A lot of my memories of those days are pretty.. the sleep deprivation deal makes everything aweful.
Bingo! Throw the kid in the jog stroller and take him for a run to give your wife a break.
Please don't be writing your wife a letter fer gawsh sakes.
AnyMal
Lifer
- Nov 21, 2001
- 15,780
- 0
- 76
OP, as someone who helped (and still helping) two raise two kids here's my advice:
Your wife is undergoing a major hormonal change as her body is adjusting back to the pre-pregnancy state. It's normal.
She is nursing, which can be draining both physically and emotionally. She is still eating for two. It's normal.
It has only been two months since baby was born, so her female "internals" are still healing and will probably take couple more months. Sex is not her priority right now with memories of being torn apart by a baby are still fresh. It's normal.
I hate to sound like a prick, but it sounds to me like you're totally failing to see what is going on in her world. She needs your help, your love, your attention. Get involved with caring for your child. Absorbe some of the chores. Give her a "mommy's night out" periodically. Send her to a spa. Don't forget to tell her how much you love her, at least once a day.
Bottom line, you can not expect a flower to bloom if you don't take care of it.
Your wife is undergoing a major hormonal change as her body is adjusting back to the pre-pregnancy state. It's normal.
She is nursing, which can be draining both physically and emotionally. She is still eating for two. It's normal.
It has only been two months since baby was born, so her female "internals" are still healing and will probably take couple more months. Sex is not her priority right now with memories of being torn apart by a baby are still fresh. It's normal.
I hate to sound like a prick, but it sounds to me like you're totally failing to see what is going on in her world. She needs your help, your love, your attention. Get involved with caring for your child. Absorbe some of the chores. Give her a "mommy's night out" periodically. Send her to a spa. Don't forget to tell her how much you love her, at least once a day.
Bottom line, you can not expect a flower to bloom if you don't take care of it.
Fern
Elite Member
- Sep 30, 2003
- 26,907
- 174
- 106
As others have posted, do walks or hikes - call it a picnic and you pack the food (make sure it's healthy). You can frame these activites as other than excercise. Dancing is great excercise too. Most women like that.
They make great baby strollers so you can take the baby along. I use to have a kind of backpack to carry my kid around in when the hiking trails weren't suitable for any type stroller.
You could even go "shopping". Walking around a mall for two or three hrs is decent excercise.
See if you can get the candy out of the house, and get better snack things in it's place.
My wife has never in her life excercised or played sports. She grew up in a little town in Southern Italy and girls just didn't do that. Mind you, she's not lazy a bit. My point is I put a home gym in the house for me to excercise a few years ago, I think the example has finally gotten my wife to start her own excercise. She take Karate with my son and goes to an ab workout class on her own now. Do you do your workout at home where the wife can see and perhaps be motivated to join?
No need to tell her she's getting fat. She already knows it. Might try focusing on the baby's health, no sweets etc, lots of fruit and veggies. (My wife loves fuit, I guess that's how she satisfies the "sweet tooth", get more fruit in the house) Fresh air & sunlight is good for the baby etc. May help motivate her to get and some excercise with you.
Fern
They make great baby strollers so you can take the baby along. I use to have a kind of backpack to carry my kid around in when the hiking trails weren't suitable for any type stroller.
You could even go "shopping". Walking around a mall for two or three hrs is decent excercise.
See if you can get the candy out of the house, and get better snack things in it's place.
My wife has never in her life excercised or played sports. She grew up in a little town in Southern Italy and girls just didn't do that. Mind you, she's not lazy a bit. My point is I put a home gym in the house for me to excercise a few years ago, I think the example has finally gotten my wife to start her own excercise. She take Karate with my son and goes to an ab workout class on her own now. Do you do your workout at home where the wife can see and perhaps be motivated to join?
No need to tell her she's getting fat. She already knows it. Might try focusing on the baby's health, no sweets etc, lots of fruit and veggies. (My wife loves fuit, I guess that's how she satisfies the "sweet tooth", get more fruit in the house) Fresh air & sunlight is good for the baby etc. May help motivate her to get and some excercise with you.
Fern
Deep down, you know the solution to your "problem", which is to stop thinking about your own selfish needs and have a little bit of compassion for your partner by helping her out with the baby and around the house. Try taking out the garbage and changing a few diapers. Right now, she probably has zero motivation to make herself look appealing for you. If anything, sex would be seen as just another chore. And why make the effort for someone as self-absorbed and selfish as you?
She would get more pleasure out of that extra root beer float.Originally posted by: aidanjm
what agenda is being pushed here (other than
Deep down, you know the solution to your "problem", which is to stop thinking about your own selfish needs and have a little bit of compassion for your partner by helping her out with the baby and around the house. Try taking out the garbage and changing a few diapers. Right now, she probably has zero motivation to make herself look appealing for you. If anything, sex would be seen as just another chore. And why make the effort for someone as self-absorbed and selfish as you?
I really wanna do something macbaine style that would get me banned.
Go take your flaming cock and shove it in someone's butt while the rest of us have an adult conversation please.
You're whole, I am gay and can think along the lines of a women and therefore I know your solution thing is getting REALLY old. (I would say really quick, but you've been doing this forages).
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
Originally posted by: aidanjm
what agenda is being pushed here (other than
Deep down, you know the solution to your "problem", which is to stop thinking about your own selfish needs and have a little bit of compassion for your partner by helping her out with the baby and around the house. Try taking out the garbage and changing a few diapers. Right now, she probably has zero motivation to make herself look appealing for you. If anything, sex would be seen as just another chore. And why make the effort for someone as self-absorbed and selfish as you?
I really wanna do something macbaine style that would get me banned.
Go take your flaming cock and shove it in someone's butt while the rest of us have an adult conversation please.
You're whole, I am gay and can think along the lines of a women and therefore I know your solution thing is getting REALLY old. (I would say really quick, but you've been doing this forages).
Are you implying that his post has less relevance because he is gay??? Now how about refuting his main points rather than taking the childish way out?
Telling the woman who just had your child 3 months ago that she is no longer 'attractive' is neither sane nor sensitive.
- Aug 13, 2001
- 8,975
- 11
- 81
There's a lot of misunderstanding between me and quite a bit of you.
Here's else what I do:
1. I wake up when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, change the baby's diaper, and then give him to my wife to feed him. She puts him back to bed after feeding him.
2. I cook dinner. *I* cook dinner. That's the way it's always been in our relationship. If I didn't cook dinner, we'd be eating out six nights a week.
3. I burp the baby once she's done feeding him during the evening. I also change the baby's diaper whenever I'm home.
4. I do the meal planning and grocery shopping. She has *never* done it once all by herself since we've been married.
5. She buys the root beer and ice cream and bags of candy when she's out. I can't stop her from doing that.
6. She's on maternity leave and will be going back to work in two weeks. The child is going to daycare, so it will not be her responsibility in the future to be a stay-at-home mom.
I asked you in my OP to go into another thread if you think I'm vain, selfish, and "need to look in the mirror". Some of you didn't believe me, so I'm giving you reasons to.
I'm facing a serious situation here.
Here's else what I do:
1. I wake up when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, change the baby's diaper, and then give him to my wife to feed him. She puts him back to bed after feeding him.
2. I cook dinner. *I* cook dinner. That's the way it's always been in our relationship. If I didn't cook dinner, we'd be eating out six nights a week.
3. I burp the baby once she's done feeding him during the evening. I also change the baby's diaper whenever I'm home.
4. I do the meal planning and grocery shopping. She has *never* done it once all by herself since we've been married.
5. She buys the root beer and ice cream and bags of candy when she's out. I can't stop her from doing that.
6. She's on maternity leave and will be going back to work in two weeks. The child is going to daycare, so it will not be her responsibility in the future to be a stay-at-home mom.
I asked you in my OP to go into another thread if you think I'm vain, selfish, and "need to look in the mirror". Some of you didn't believe me, so I'm giving you reasons to.
I'm facing a serious situation here.
Oh BS, you want her to be skinny. As skinny, if not skinnier than before the baby. Don't lie to yourself or her by thinking you just want her to be "healthy". Because you and I know that and if you said that to her, she would know it too.
I'm dealing with my SO getting overweight due to having an insane schedule. I let her do her thing and once in a while we talk about her getting into shape when shes done with school and such. It's not an easy thing to talk about. Though if she really cares about herself she will make the initiative when the time is right to get healthy again.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Originally posted by: SaltBoy
There's a lot of misunderstanding between me and quite a bit of you.
Here's else what I do:
1. I wake up when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, change the baby's diaper, and then give him to my wife to feed him. She puts him back to bed after feeding him.
2. I cook dinner. *I* cook dinner. That's the way it's always been in our relationship. If I didn't cook dinner, we'd be eating out six nights a week.
3. I burp the baby once she's done feeding him during the evening. I also change the baby's diaper whenever I'm home.
4. I do the meal planning and grocery shopping. She has *never* done it once all by herself since we've been married.
5. She buys the root beer and ice cream and bags of candy when she's out. I can't stop her from doing that.
6. She's on maternity leave and will be going back to work in two weeks. The child is going to daycare, so it will not be her responsibility in the future to be a stay-at-home mom.
I asked you in my OP to go into another thread if you think I'm vain, selfish, and "need to look in the mirror". Some of you didn't believe me, so I'm giving you reasons to.
I'm facing a serious situation here.
Why are BOTH of you getting up for middle of the night feeds? isn't one exhausted parent in the house enough? Breast feeding stinks for the first few months,it takes a good 8-10 weeks to build up a good milk supply and a good nursing "fit"between mom and baby,it sucks but she'll be getting greatly interupted sleep for quite awhile.. there will be periods,called "grow spurts" in which mom will be nursing/pumping almost hourly around the clock because demand is exceeding supply.
I say,you need to sleep at night,you'll have more energy and more patience
As to your wife,it can take a full year for everything to snap back into place, you say she'll be going back to work soon,that will help as she'll be confronting her pre-pregnancy wardrobe.Btw, during her pregnancy she must have discussed what she planned to do to get back into shape after the baby? Perhaps you can casually mention/ask her about that? "Honey,have you looked into the rates at that new gym you were talking about?" sounds a lot better than saying she's turning into a pig
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Just wanted to add that it seems she's binging on sugar which really indicts to me that she's struggling with the sleep issue.When I worked full time nites I ate a lot of sweets just trying to stay awake.She could probably also use a good physical complete with thyroid workup to boot.
Btw,I understand your concerns,just keep in mind that this is a hard transition for BOTH of you,try to phrase your issuers in a way that won't turn what should be a happy time into a nightmare for either of you.
Btw,I understand your concerns,just keep in mind that this is a hard transition for BOTH of you,try to phrase your issuers in a way that won't turn what should be a happy time into a nightmare for either of you.
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