How did you *know* you were ready to get married to the girl you love?

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: BlancoNino
My dad says I'm not ready...I can easily move out with my girlfriend and be fairly financially stable. We are both responsible and mature (90% of it is her though, of course).

How did you know you were ready to get married?

Discuss.

How old are you, how long have you been working and do you have a clear direction in your life? Does she have a clear direction in her life as well? Can you accomplish those dreams better or possibly be totally willing to give up on those dreams if you marry this girl now?

Has there been a point in your relationship that has really tested your commitment to this girl (a time when she was so aggravating that your emotions told you to just run, but you stayed because you realized you loved (as an action) her)?

Lastly, how long have you thought about this? Is this just an emotional decision?

**EDIT**
Also, usually if the parents are not cool with marriage at the moment, that is a clear indication that you are probably jumping into things too quickly. Give it some time.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: remagavon
The near-term divorce rate for college graduate women (BS degree or better) is a paltry 16%, if you're both educated and have a long-term future planned (and the love, obviously), then go for it.

Don't do it so you can move out with her, that includes not having a long-term plan. Things can go very badly if both people in the relationship have vastly different ideas of what to expect in the future.

BINGO... long term commitment takes choice and sacrifice. Don't just move in with the girl, it sets a bad precedent. Sure, it may work out, but you have just increased the percentage that it will not.

 

[Coquito]

When the janitor chases you out of the high school parking lot.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: remagavon
The near-term divorce rate for college graduate women (BS degree or better) is a paltry 16%, if you're both educated and have a long-term future planned (and the love, obviously), then go for it.

Don't do it so you can move out with her, that includes not having a long-term plan. Things can go very badly if both people in the relationship have vastly different ideas of what to expect in the future.

Don't go by numbers and percentages... That will lead to nowhere.

I second the advice of living with her first. That is the BEST thing two people can do to see if they really are compatible with each other. Individual quirks and the like can really be a shocking eye opener, as can living with someone else who is not family and who is the opposite sex. Try that first. You will either grow to love each other more than you could have ever imagined or want to kill each other the next time someone leaves their socks on the floor in the living room.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: remagavon
The near-term divorce rate for college graduate women (BS degree or better) is a paltry 16%, if you're both educated and have a long-term future planned (and the love, obviously), then go for it.

Don't do it so you can move out with her, that includes not having a long-term plan. Things can go very badly if both people in the relationship have vastly different ideas of what to expect in the future.

BINGO... long term commitment takes choice and sacrifice. Don't just move in with the girl, it sets a bad precedent. Sure, it may work out, but you have just increased the percentage that it will not.

The increased percentage is because people who are for pre-marital cohabitence are more likely to have an open mind about divorce. Those who believe living together is wrong or a sin will also think divorce is one.

 

[BAMAVOO]

She told me I was ready. -

 

[WhiteKnight]

I know it sounds corny and isn't particularly helpful, but I just knew. We'd been pretty close friends for about a year and while I did notice my feelings changing after about 10 months, it just "clicked" one day and we basically went from being friends to being exclusive immediately. I knew in less than a month after we started going out that she was the one. We've been together for about five years now and married for a year and a half.

Edit: About the marriage part; I knew almost from Day 1 that she was the one, so it was never really a question of if, but rather when. We got married right after I finished grad school and right before she went back to grad school. It just seemed like a good time, since we both essentially had that whole summer off before I started a job and before she started classes.

 

[ATLien247]

Originally posted by: BAMAVOO
She told me I was ready. -

QFMFT

 

[BAMAVOO]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
She told me I was ready :laugh:

If I would have read the entire thread, I could have quoted you....Err

 

[remagavon]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

Originally posted by: remagavon
The near-term divorce rate for college graduate women (BS degree or better) is a paltry 16%, if you're both educated and have a long-term future planned (and the love, obviously), then go for it.

Don't do it so you can move out with her, that includes not having a long-term plan. Things can go very badly if both people in the relationship have vastly different ideas of what to expect in the future.

Don't go by numbers and percentages... That will lead to nowhere.

I second the advice of living with her first. That is the BEST thing two people can do to see if they really are compatible with each other. Individual quirks and the like can really be a shocking eye opener, as can living with someone else who is not family and who is the opposite sex. Try that first. You will either grow to love each other more than you could have ever imagined or want to kill each other the next time someone leaves their socks on the floor in the living room.

If you want to divorce your s/o because they left socks on the living room floor, I think the relationship may have been off to a bad start before you moved in together.

Some people do marry too quickly without learning fully about their s/o, but it is entirely possible to get to know someone well before living together. I'm not saying to go one way or another, but if you move out with someone and sleep with them nightly for a year or two, there's really no motivation outside of emotional satisfaction to get married disregarding tax breaks and the fun ceremony.

Lasting marriages need slightly more than that, and the trouble adjusting you'll go through for the first month or two has an equal (but often overlooked) chance of making you closer to the other person.

But you may be married to the first man you ever fell in love and moved out with, if so then that's obviously a good thing.

 

[Alex]

you just "know"!

i suggest moving in for a while before though, living together really changes couple dynamics...

 

[engineereeyore]

I was always ready to be married, I was just waiting for the girl. Soon as I found one that said yes, I was set.

Honestly, I don't buy into the whole soulmate stuff and there only being one girl for me. I love my wife to death, but we both know we each could have been happy with someone else too. And I'll tell ya, getting married is similar to having kids. There's no "getting ready for it" or being "financially prepared for it" cause who knows what's going to happen and what isn't. Just do it.

 

[WhiteKnight]

Originally posted by: engineereeyore
I was always ready to be married, I was just waiting for the girl. Soon as I found one that said yes, I was set.

Honestly, I don't buy into the whole soulmate stuff and there only being one girl for me. I love my wife to death, but we both know we each could have been happy with someone else too. And I'll tell ya, getting married is similar to having kids. There's no "getting ready for it" or being "financially prepared for it" cause who knows what's going to happen and what isn't. Just do it.

QFT. I know that there could have been other people out there for me, and likewise for my wife. However, I think that I am incredibly fortunate to have found someone that I get along with so well. I keep waiting for us to have our first fight, but after five years, I'm still waiting. Of course we've had disagreements and occasionally been upset with each other, but we've never had anything that could legitimately be called a fight.

...at least not that I know of.

 

[Fausto]

The OP does not have a girlfriend. Just for the record.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: remagavon
The near-term divorce rate for college graduate women (BS degree or better) is a paltry 16%, if you're both educated and have a long-term future planned (and the love, obviously), then go for it.

Don't do it so you can move out with her, that includes not having a long-term plan. Things can go very badly if both people in the relationship have vastly different ideas of what to expect in the future.

BINGO... long term commitment takes choice and sacrifice. Don't just move in with the girl, it sets a bad precedent. Sure, it may work out, but you have just increased the percentage that it will not.

The increased percentage is because people who are for pre-marital cohabitence are more likely to have an open mind about divorce. Those who believe living together is wrong or a sin will also think divorce is one.

Good point.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: remagavon

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

Originally posted by: remagavon
The near-term divorce rate for college graduate women (BS degree or better) is a paltry 16%, if you're both educated and have a long-term future planned (and the love, obviously), then go for it.

Don't do it so you can move out with her, that includes not having a long-term plan. Things can go very badly if both people in the relationship have vastly different ideas of what to expect in the future.

Don't go by numbers and percentages... That will lead to nowhere.

I second the advice of living with her first. That is the BEST thing two people can do to see if they really are compatible with each other. Individual quirks and the like can really be a shocking eye opener, as can living with someone else who is not family and who is the opposite sex. Try that first. You will either grow to love each other more than you could have ever imagined or want to kill each other the next time someone leaves their socks on the floor in the living room.

If you want to divorce your s/o because they left socks on the living room floor, I think the relationship may have been off to a bad start before you moved in together.

Some people do marry too quickly without learning fully about their s/o, but it is entirely possible to get to know someone well before living together. I'm not saying to go one way or another, but if you move out with someone and sleep with them nightly for a year or two, there's really no motivation outside of emotional satisfaction to get married disregarding tax breaks and the fun ceremony.

Lasting marriages need slightly more than that, and the trouble adjusting you'll go through for the first month or two has an equal (but often overlooked) chance of making you closer to the other person.

But you may be married to the first man you ever fell in love and moved out with, if so then that's obviously a good thing.

so... Did you move in with your wife first or just once you were married you were living together as husband and wife?

 

[DaTT]

Originally posted by: BlancoNino
My dad says I'm not ready...I can easily move out with my girlfriend and be fairly financially stable. We are both responsible and mature (90% of it is her though, of course).

How did you know you were ready to get married?

Discuss.

I knew I was ready to get married when she told me I was.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: WhiteKnight

Originally posted by: engineereeyore
I was always ready to be married, I was just waiting for the girl. Soon as I found one that said yes, I was set.

Honestly, I don't buy into the whole soulmate stuff and there only being one girl for me. I love my wife to death, but we both know we each could have been happy with someone else too. And I'll tell ya, getting married is similar to having kids. There's no "getting ready for it" or being "financially prepared for it" cause who knows what's going to happen and what isn't. Just do it.

QFT. I know that there could have been other people out there for me, and likewise for my wife. However, I think that I am incredibly fortunate to have found someone that I get along with so well. I keep waiting for us to have our first fight, but after five years, I'm still waiting. Of course we've had disagreements and occasionally been upset with each other, but we've never had anything that could legitimately be called a fight.

...at least not that I know of.

I agree. Marriage takes hard work and commitment, and if both people are willing to do that, you can make any relationship work, but I definitely will agree that some people are just more compatible than other people are with your individual personality. Some people are even symbiotic in their compatibility. That is as close to a "soul-mate" as you can get.

Although, the opposite is true as well if you believe in an Ultimate Being of some type which has control over everything. If you don't, meh... but both have their merits.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: BlancoNino
My dad says I'm not ready...I can easily move out with my girlfriend and be fairly financially stable. We are both responsible and mature (90% of it is her though, of course).

How did you know you were ready to get married?

Discuss.

You're Dad is correct.

How old are you anyway? I believe that people should not marry under the age of 25.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: BlancoNino
My dad says I'm not ready...I can easily move out with my girlfriend and be fairly financially stable. We are both responsible and mature (90% of it is her though, of course).

How did you know you were ready to get married?

Discuss.

You're Dad is correct.

How old are you anyway? I believe that people should not marry under the age of 25.

He's 21. He's having trouble not failing out of college. In his spare time, he makes up things to post on ATOT.

 

[engineereeyore]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

You're Dad is correct.

How old are you anyway? I believe that people should not marry under the age of 25.

I was 21 when I got married and I can't imagine my life being any better than it is. I understand the theory behind an age limit (my father-in-law thinks every male under the age of 25 is an idiot), but I just don't think it holds for all cases. If maturity came as a result of age alone, I could see the argument. But I've met people in their 20's who are more mature and ready for the commitment than people in their 30's.

I think it requires a level of maturity, not necessarily a specific age.

 

[bignateyk]

hmm... im actually having a similar problem. I know I want to marry her, but im not sure how soon is too soon to pop the question.

We've been together for close to 6 months, and ive known her for years. Ill ask her this summer probably, but if I didnt think that everyone else around us would think we were jumping into it too soon, id do it tomorrow.

 

[fbrdphreak]

Originally posted by: uberman
The point is, "Why get married at all?"

For practicality: health insurance, taxes, etc?

 

[shadow9d9]

I was going to answer and the nI saw who the poster was...

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: engineereeyore

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

You're Dad is correct.

How old are you anyway? I believe that people should not marry under the age of 25.

I was 21 when I got married and I can't imagine my life being any better than it is. I understand the theory behind an age limit (my father-in-law thinks every male under the age of 25 is an idiot), but I just don't think it holds for all cases. If maturity came as a result of age alone, I could see the argument. But I've met people in their 20's who are more mature and ready for the commitment than people in their 30's.

I think it requires a level of maturity, not necessarily a specific age.

You are very right. I truly feel it is different for everyone and it cannot be simply measured by age or standing.
Many people were shocked when we got engaged/married at such a young age, but we were ready, we knew we were and it is fine.
21 years old or 38 years old, it depends on the pesons involved.