How competitive is your family?

[GoldenGuppy]

Not just the nuclear family, but the extended family as well...

I just can't stand the constant scrutiny that is directed towards every action that I make!

It's so hard to always have to strive to be the best when when you have a grip of family members lurking over your back

Obviously, I have a really competitive family... and I guess that's a good thing at time because it helps me strive to be a better person. (mainly to prove myself - but the quest never ends).

However, there is a down side to it... it's bad because my entire family seems really shallow sometimes... and what's even worse is that they would gossip about every bad move anybody would make - anything from gaining weight to losing a job, to marrying the wrong person.

The problem is, my nuclear family is no longer as hard on me as my extended family! That's right (as mentioned in the other post, my nuclear family is very easy going and supportive of me), and I would just say "to hell w/ everybody" and do things my way... but I have to understand that within my entire family tree... my nuclear family/our branch is represented by me (I'm the only child... all my cousins have a sister/brother) - so you can imagine what the people would say about my parents if I didn't succeed in life.

Now don't get me wrong.. heh, I strive to be the best for my own benefits first.. but that's not to say that keep my "family's-face" entact doesn't have anything to do w/ it

Have you guessed by now that I'm Asian?

I guess so far I'm doing a good job, I just have to rant about my displeasure to realize that if I make one false move or mess up in anyway that it would never be forgiven/forgotten, etc!

My cousin is a doctor who graduated from a really respectable grad school... nothing bad could be said of her... until, she found a person that she loved and married him... nowadays everybody is saying what a bad move it was for her to marry an engineer when she should've married another doctor/executive/lawyer, etc... everybody who is a predator is waiting for this guy to make one wrong move so that they may say, "I told you so!"

I love my family - every member w/in it - even those I hate I love - I just can't stand being in a dog show all the time

How competitive is your family? Anybody's family a bit like mine? Feel free to speak your mind

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[StageLeft]

Tell them to get a life!

 

[GoldenGuppy]

skoorb - ha! I wish! You know exactly what would happen if I said that!

&quot;You're disrespectful&quot; - &quot;What are you talking about? we're not scrutinizing you!!&quot; - etc, etc

It's just the way life is for me, there's nothing I could do to change this


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[pillage2001]

Have you guessed by now that I'm Asian?

You're not the only one in this world. Me too. . I've got alot of competitions too. Not onlyfro mthe family or the extended. They even compared me to relatives whom I don't know (kinda like distant relative) . One of them went to Stanford at the age of 15 and was working with NASA then. How could I top that??

 

[GoldenGuppy]

Pillage - tough act to follow

But then again, aren't they relative understanding enough to realize that as long as you're educated enough to be respected in the outside world that it's good enough?

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[Jfur]

my extended family is beyond competitive. actually, they are jealous and bitter

 

[LadyJessica]

It's a good thing I live far away from most family members.

 

[Spamela]

one of my son's goals is to be stronger than i am (we both weightlift). he's even estimated the date when he'll pass me. my brother has hated me for years largely because i'm more successful than he is. i know a guy who earned a ph.d., but wasn't respected by his family because they value an m.d. more. you can't win this game, so choose to do what makes you proud &amp; happy. this form of insanity isn't limited to asian families.

 

[GoldenGuppy]

LadyJessica - I live pretty far away from my family too ... a good 400 miles away from the closest one.. but that doesn't mean they still can't talk about me over the phone

My family is sooo big too, it's hard to comprehend that they are able to keep track of each and every memeber (trust me they do), it's like they have a little book to keep records :|

Anybody actually a bit glad that they're family is competitive, and can anybody say that they are the best in their family?? Come on, I know there are a few of you Harvard/Yale guys floatin' around here

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[LadyJessica]

I'd have to say that our family is one of the better ones. But I'm glad I live far away, although I still miss home cooked meals.

 

[j0lly]

Basically, every parent wants their child to be happy. I don't think they curl their mustache and plan your deminse when you aren't looking. But the goals and expectations that parents set are sometimes atrocious. After a cetain age you are capable of making sound decisions and the parents should leave you alone and move to some place like Florida.

From time to time I hear about a cousin that did this or that but I hardly pay attention. My family put extreme pressure on me to get into IIT (Indian equivalent of MIT). That didn't happen because I never tried. Later they wanted me to get into Engineering, that didn't happen either because I am much happier majoring in what I want. After a few hundered times of telling them to fvck off, they eventually did and I am glad I am the one making these decisions and not my parents. This way, there will be nobody to blame except myself if things don't go as planned.

There is a difference between being respecful and handing over your life in a platter. I would rather be disrespectful than do the latter. No matter how strong your family ties are, if you put enough stress on the fact that you want to make your own decisions noone will or can stop you.

 

[Alienwho]

My cousins seem to think that they are in Direct Competition with my family. It's really pathetic, cause they don't have the money to do it and they just end up making themselves look stupid. I mean my dad buys tons of crap, and I don't really like how he does it, but since my cousins think we're in competition I like that he buys it cause they get so upset.

For example back when I was a kid, we got like a big 20 foot trampoline, then they had to compete and got like a 13 foot. Eventually it lead to my dad buying a motorcycle for me, well my cousins had to compete and they got a little Trail90 dirtbike from 1979. And one of the biggest competitions yet is my dad got a Yamaha LS2000 Jet Boat, 20 feet long, seating for 8. Well my cousins decided to compete and they got a little &quot;Sugarsands&quot; crap jet boat that's about 12 feet long and can't even pull a waterskiier. It pisses me off cause they think they're better then me cause they can &quot;keep up&quot; with my family, and I don't even give a freaking crap about anything my dad buys.

 

[GoldenGuppy]

Alienwho - sounds like a case of envy... it's kind of funny how they show their true colors by not being able to keep up w/ the stuff your dad buys... but instead make an attempt at it by buying something similar but less costly

I guess you can't really blame them though, they're just trying to follow in your family's footsteps... there's nothing wrong with that now is there?

Even though I do understand (from the thousands of tv shows that have this &quot;copy-cat&quot; scenario) how you can be annoyed by such incidence.

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[Alienwho]

Yeah Golden, the thing that irritates me is the fact that they only do it just to try and &quot;keep up&quot;. And the fact that my cousins don't understand that I don't care that they are trying to impress me, I think they're fags either way (lol). I'm not a very materialistic person, I'm happy as long as I have my motorcycle and my computer, I could care less pretty much about everything else. My next move after I get through college is just to buy a nice car and i'm set for life .

 

[Mo0o]

my parents compare me to my friends CONSTANTLY. and i can never win, when i do better than one of my friends and i point it out, they say &quot;why are you comparing to someone worse than you?&quot; so its an uphill battle taht is very difficult to win

 

[GoldenGuppy]

moOo - we have a Vietnamese saying and it translate to : &quot;The tongue has no bones&quot; which means that it can alter everywhich way to say anything it wants...

Just like your case... in one end of the spectrum your parents are always comparing to your friends and saying this and that about how you can't stack up w/ them

And on the other end of the spectrum.. you prove to your parents that you are better than your friends at something and they go and turn the table on you, saying that you shouldn't compare yourself to other people!

Ahhh, wicked tongue




<< My next move after I get through college is just to buy a nice car and i'm set for life >>



Alienwho - what!? no beautiful wife to share that car and your life w/

Ooh, I see, hehe, you gotta be careful... cuz if you a beautiful wife... your cousins might try to... you get the idea

><GG>

 

[Alienwho]

<< Alienwho - what!? no beautiful wife to share that car and your life w/

Ooh, I see, hehe, you gotta be careful... cuz if you a beautiful wife... your cousins might try to... you get the idea >>


Oh wait, I thought the beautiful wife was a given. The thing is as soon as I'm to that point in my life I never plan to see my cousins and their ugly wives anyways!

 

[Syringer]

I don't have a commpetitive family at all. No one seems to care very much what happens to everyone in the family. My nuclear family doesn't seem to care much about the stuff that happens around here and things like that. They are supportive and stuff like that, supporting me here and there. As in regards to my extended family...there isn't any competition there either. Everyone seems supportive regardless. My extended family doesn't seem to really care about what happens to the other family members. They just care more about their own nuclear family.
They also don't seem to mind if someone is better in the family. They are just sort of you know...ummm....mellowed down. At least everyone shows compassionitivity towards each other and is pretty supportive. But I can't tell for sure how they truly feel...

 

[FelixDeCat]

I guess so far I'm doing a good job, I just have to rant about my displeasure to realize that if I make one false move or mess up in anyway that it would never be forgiven/forgotten, etc!

You would be suprised. I think its just your perception. I have an idea, go 'screw up' and see what happens. If they are truly your family, they will offer support.