How bastardly is it to flirt with a girl who already has a bf?

[OS]

I met this girl and I'm genuinely interested in her. (rather rare for me to be interested in anyone) But she has a boyfriend already. She seems to show some interest in return. Should I pursue her, or forget about it?

 

[Imaginer]

Forget it and be friends.

 

[GreenBeret]

Flirting is fine, pursuing isn't.

see: "a question of moral rectitude"

 

[Regine]

Innocently flirting isn't a problem - at least for me

But seriously pursueing her when she has a guy? I think that is wrong. If she really likes you and things aren't working out with her bf she would break up with him.

 

[Aquaman]

Be friends......... hangout.......... and maybe she'll have a friend that you may like It's all about networking


Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[novon]

i wouldn't do that

 

[Chadder007]

I'm pretty much in the same situation. I met this girl that works in Radiology at the hospital that I work at. She is absolutely beautiful and is one of the nicest girls I have ever met....but she has...a b/f!! I check on her once and a while, give her a little piece of candy once a week when I see her. She says im sweet, so I keep it up. Hopefully she will dump that dude someday soon.

 

[OS]

urgh, I see that this is being covered already.



<< Forget it and be friends. >>



I'd rather just push her aside than be friends. Once you get into that friends setting, it's freaking hard to dig out of it.

dammit. The one time I'm truly interested in a girl, she's taken. Murphy's law at it's best. This is bullsh!t.

edit



<< maybe she'll have a friend that you may like It's all about networking >>



I've already met some of her friends and sorority sisters. Not interested at all with any of them. Like I said, it's very rare for me to be seriously interested in someone.

 

[DABANSHEE]

No problems its the boyfriend who's signed th4e exclusivity contract, not you.

Unless of course the Boyfriend is a mate of yours &amp; doing something like that goes against your 'mates' code.

 

[mztykal]

Not to sound like a jerk or anything, but screw the b/f. Go after her. At worst you'll come off looking like an ass. But hey, at least you can say you tried. And after that there's no hope of friendship.



**Note, the above statement is a bunch of bullshit. Don't even think of doing that.



-MzTyKaL

 

[VAP0R]

<< I met this girl and I'm genuinely interested in her. (rather rare for me to be interested in anyone) But she has a boyfriend already. She seems to show some interest in return. Should I pursue her, or forget about it? >>



OK so let me get this straight. Its very rare for you to be interested in someone and then you fine this girl that your interested in and she shows you some interest back and you dont know if you should pursue her or not? I would. Then again ask her about her bf mabey hes not pleasing her, then you should pursue her. If shes really in love with him, forget it dont even try to be friends becaue it'll be harder on you. Ive been in situations like that alot.

 

[OS]

<< Don't even think of doing that. >>



hah hah, too late for that.

 

[dopcombo]

hehe let me add to this thread

what happens if u decide to try and pursue?
what if she breaks up with the bf and starts going out with u BUT she still has some feelings for that old guy?
who's to say she wouldn't break up with u to go back to him?
will u feel any happier then?

take it from someone who tried, succeeded, and then failed miserably.
DON'T GO AFTER HER.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

flirt with her and make her feel better when her b/f acts like an ass, or when she needs a pick-me-up and he's not around to do so.

Other than that, just be a great friend and you should be happy.

 

[flippinfleck]

Ummmm, just put yourself in his shoes... If someone ever 'took an interest' in my girl and I found out it was more than just friends, I'd take my foot and put it where the sun don't shine. Wrong is wrong. Even if she is not really in love with him [why is she w/him in the first place?] she is still taken. Just my opinion. By the way, her name isn't Shannon is it?

 

[Doodoo]

I hope her bf goes and kicks ur ass

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

or he tries and finds his own ass rather messed up in return


...show her you mean business!








--or, pleasure, I mean.






--or... whatever. Just be a DECENT FRIEND and it may end up that you two are together instead. If not, then you'll find someone better later on in life.

 

[OS]

Damn, when I actually think about this, I hate this situation. It basically becomes a choice between being considerate towards someone I've never met or using this rare chance to pursue my own personal happiness. So I can either be an asshole and try to make myself happy, or be a nice guy and ignore a chance at happiness.




<< Ummmm, just put yourself in his shoes... If someone ever 'took an interest' in my girl and I found out it was more than just friends, I'd take my foot and put it where the sun don't shine. >>



Well if I had a gf, people flirting with her would be unavoidable. I'd hope that she'd like me enough to ignore the others. I don't fear the pissing off the bf, I'm fairly large and I know how to take care of myself, it's a matter of personal courtesy than rather than fear.



<< Even if she is not really in love with him [why is she w/him in the first place?] she is still taken >>



It's probably a bit harder for guys to understand, but there is immense social pressure on women to have a &quot;man in their life.&quot; As a result, there are a substantial number of women who are involved in a relationship just to kind of fill their time. I don't know if that applies to this case however.



<< By the way, her name isn't Shannon is it? >>



nope

 

[Zedfu]

step any closer and you'll be infringing her bf's property. yes, it's really bastardly, but true

 

[Lord Evermore]

I'm in the same situation. My own decision was to NOT say anything to the person I liked, out of courtesy for the existing relationship, and to avoid there being this awkward thing after asking if I was turned down, as there'd be little chance of friendship afterward. And I wouldn't want to be the cause of the ending of a relationship, even if it was rocky already, nor would I want to be the 'rebound' boyfriend.

The 'interest' she's shown you in return - is it really interest in the way you're thinking, or is it just friendly interest and your desires are biasing you? If she's returning the same feelings you have, then you have to wonder what kind of girl she is to be doing that when she's got a boyfriend, even if their relationship were rocky.

 

[OS]

<< step any closer and you'll be infringing her bf's property. >>



what? You're kidding me? Women aren't considered property. They are human beings with their own minds. I mean I understand that going for her could be considered a bastardly deed, but a girl is never someone's property.

 

[perry]

Be nice to her.. wait till she breaks up.. bone her.. never see her again..

Rinse.. repeat..

(Or replace 'never see her again' with 'marry her' -- your choice)

 

[OS]

<< And I wouldn't want to be the cause of the ending of a relationship, even if it was rocky already, nor would I want to be the 'rebound' boyfriend >>



yeah, I know what you mean. Sucky situation this is. A chance at happiness screwed by the setting.




<< The 'interest' she's shown you in return - is it really interest in the way you're thinking, or is it just friendly interest and your desires are biasing you? >>



How am I to tell? I cannot read her mind. We have good long conversations if that means anything and she asked me to join her for dinner when I ran into her on campus. But I am not an objective observer, so I cannot give a totally accurate answer.




<< If she's returning the same feelings you have, then you have to wonder what kind of girl she is to be doing that when she's got a boyfriend, even if their relationship were rocky. >>



Well, I made a reply to this point somewhere above. Cut and paste wouldn't hurt.

&quot;It's probably a bit harder for guys to understand, but there is immense social pressure on women to have a &quot;man in their life.&quot; As a result, there are a substantial number of women who are involved in a relationship just to kind of fill their time. I don't know if that applies to this case however&quot;

 

[Croton]

just 'cause there's a goalie doesn't mean that you can't score.

honestly, think about this: let's say that you DO go for her, and she breaks it off w/her BF for you. what's to say that she won't do the same thing on you when you two are an item?

 

[OS]

I think being left for another person is a risk in any relationship, not just for situations like these.