Hooking up with the widow at a funeral

[madoka]

There was a funeral for a military man that I knew. Some random dude went to the funeral as a guest of one of her friends, which I thought was kind of a weird thing to do. A little bit after, he apparently contacted her to express his condolences. They started talking. . . fast forward a few months and now they're dating and taking weekend vacations together.

I understand that she has the right to move on, but there's something about hooking up with a widow at her husband's funeral that doesn't sit right with me. Also I think that guy is a complete creep/a-hole for doing this. Am I wrong to feel this way?

 

[Mayne]

not cool.

 

[feralkid]

Your post title says "at a funeral", yet your summary states "A little bit after".

Huge difference. Which is it?

 

[crashtech]

Opportunistic, for sure. But I'm not sure why you would judge him, or absolve her, for that matter. Everyone grieves in different ways. Hopefully this is just some escapism for her and not him taking advantage of any vulnerability on her part.

 

[IronWing]

Beats hooking up with the deceased three days after the funeral.

Also, it doesn't sound like he tried to hook up at the funeral.

 

[brianmanahan]

this is supposedly how a few of my great-great-* grandparents got together

grandma has 6 kids by age 25, grandpa dies of the yellow fever/black death/etc, ugly 50-something bachelor in town comes to the funeral, says "do you want to not be a destitute widow living in squalor?", they get married a month or two later, and she has 6 more kids

 

[Newbian]

Beats hooking up with the deceased three days after the funeral.

Also, it doesn't sound like he tried to hook up at the funeral.

What kind of shovel do you prefer?

 

[IronWing]

What kind of shovel do you prefer?

A back ho

 

[Thebobo]

Love knows no boundaries unless it's just for some poontang than same thing.

 

[Red Squirrel]

That does seem a tad inappropriate lol.

 

[boomerang]

Pics of widow?

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

There was a funeral for a military man that I knew. Some random dude went to the funeral as a guest of one of her friends, which I thought was kind of a weird thing to do. A little bit after, he apparently contacted her to express his condolences. They started talking. . . fast forward a few months and now they're dating and taking weekend vacations together.

I understand that she has the right to move on, but there's something about hooking up with a widow at her husband's funeral that doesn't sit right with me. Also I think that guy is a complete creep/a-hole for doing this. Am I wrong to feel this way?

The widow accepting it is just as creepy? Sounds like a dumpster waiting for her next cargo when you're that quick to turnover.

Why just associate the trashiness with the male?

 

[brianmanahan]

Pics of widow?

took 10 replies to get to the important question? shame on us. shame on us all.

 

[kage69]

Not knowing the people involved, I'm hesitant to give an opinion either way. Could be sleazy and shady, sure, but it could also be legit. For all you know the lady and her ex had an agreement. 'If I die, get out there and live. Find someone that will make you happy, don't let me be an anchor for the rest of your life.' I've had some friends tell me they have similar understandings with their significant others. Kids being involved can make this more pronounced as well "I want my kids to still have a father figure if I'm gone." Having said all that, I agree it's appropriate to not do anything immediately out of respect for the departed.

Maybe the OP's story is related to something I've noticed before. That for some women, when they lose a parent, the grief she is experiencing somehow translates into an immediate need for sex. A study partner in college and a gf I had some years later both took me down that road. Gotta say too, it sucks to be stuck right between 'not wanting to hurt someone with rejection when they are so vulnerable and hurt' yet also definitely not wanting to be known as a guy who would take advantage of abject grief to get laid. It's like no matter what you do you will feel like shit about it at some point.

Makes me think of Patton Oswalt. He lost his wife, and found love and marriage again inside a year. Hearing of that made me feel a little weird, but then hearing him explain it to Terry Gross I was less bothered by it.

 

[madoka]

Your post title says "at a funeral", yet your summary states "A little bit after".

Huge difference. Which is it?

I meant:

Hooking up with the widow he met at a funeral

 

[madoka]

The widow accepting it is just as creepy? Sounds like a dumpster waiting for her next cargo when you're that quick to turnover.

Why just associate the trashiness with the male?

I try to give her some slack due to grieving. But yeah, I don't know how she could think it's appropriate to hook up with a guy she met at her husband's funeral. I think more of the blame does go on the guy. Who the hell goes to a stranger's funeral!?!?! Then tries to get in touch with the widow shortly thereafter? That's desperate d-bag moves.

 

[crashtech]

It's up to the people close to each individual to judge the situation, on its face there is no overt foul, imo. In at least one religious tradition, mourning should last a year and a day, and no attention from the opposite sex should be accepted not offered, but I think adherence to this is fairly rare in the population at large. Generally speaking, I think it is best to come to grips with one's loss before moving on with another relationship, but it's not one size fits all advice.

 

[brianmanahan]

based on all the good advice in this thread, i take it everyone here is a widow who's been in this exact situation before

... or a widow-snatcher

 

[IronWing]

It's up to the people close to each individual to judge the situation,...

I think it is up to the woman and man involved to judge the situation. Everyone else, including us, can go pound sand.

 

[BarkingGhostar]

He could have been keen on her for years and only now felt it right to start to get to know her. Imagine had he started months earlier and became a homewrecker?

And where are the pictures of said widow?

 

[blankslate]

I meant:

Hooking up with the widow he met at a funeral

I guess the question is when did they actually start going out on dates? within a week? 2 months? or closer to 6?

It's something I hope I wouldn't do but to but a cliche on it... the heart wants what the heart wants I guess....


___________

 

[blankslate]

He could have been keen on her for years and only now felt it right to start to get to know her. Imagine had he started months earlier and became a homewrecker?

And where are the pictures of said widow?

Again the most important question... please don't continue to disappoint by not posting pics of said widow...

Hell just follow them at a discreet distance and use a telephoto lens if you have to.


________

 

[BD231]

Heh heh

 

[crashtech]

I think it is up to the woman and man involved to judge the situation. Everyone else, including us, can go pound sand.

I agree, but the death of a spouse can leave a person emotionally vulnerable, so in a cases like this, if anyone is to judge the situation, a close friend might thankfully intervene if something is badly amiss. Obviously we should pound sand, having no real clue about the situation, and with that, I think I will.

 

[brianmanahan]

madoka you should call all the other old biddies in your neighborhood and talk about how uncouth this is.

the lack of couth is appalling, and quite frankly, we need to tell someone about it.