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Hooboy. He probably didn't expect this. (A true tale by your pal, NuclearNed)

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Reminds me of any kid on income support, whether in Tennessee or Berkeley CA.

Grow up to be useless deadbeat punks, and we the people of this country are enabling that behavior.
 
Wonderful story, Ned. And, it's a story I can identify with, as I also live in a rural setting. Wednesday, I decided to relax and go to the weekly farm auction. Everyone, or I suppose, almost everyone was fixated on the auctioneer and the current prices. But every once in a while I caught a glimpse of a bright red dot moving around the crowd, occasionally settling on the back of someone's head, sometimes bouncing around through cages upon cages of animals, and once bouncing off the bald forehead of an old farmer, one of the few without a John Deere or Ford cap on.

That was the one that gave away the direction the beam of light was coming from. I backtracked the path to the little idiot redneck who decided he would amuse himself without regard to whose (or what's) eyeballs he was directing his laser into. When I first saw the laser pointer in his hand, I thought to myself, "twenty years ago, he never would have been able to afford such a thing, but now that they have them in the dollar store, the price has finally dropped enough that idiot redneck kids can afford one."

As I stared at the kid with an evil stare to say "knock it off you little turd," waiting for his gaze to meet mine, my eyes fixed upon the big idiot redneck sitting behind him. "Ah ha! Once his dad sees him screwing around, he'll cuff him upside the head for sure. That'll set the kid right," I thought.

Oh how I was wrong. A few minutes elapsed & I noticed the little red dot bouncing from the left breast to the right breast of a well-endowed - but I wouldn't hit it with a 10 foot pole beast of a woman. I turned toward the kid, wondering if his father had caught him in the act yet. I was hoping to see the kid smacked in the side of the head by his dad's open hand.

The laser pointer was in the Dad's hands. He was the one who was shining it on that plump woman. "Yep," I thought, "price sure has come down on those laser pointers - even the idiot rednecks can afford them now." I thought for a moment, "wait til the idiot redneck woman sitting next to you who appears to be the mother of your idiot offspring catches you shining that laser pointer on that woman. Then I realized, "maybe I should see what's being auctioned off outdoors."
 
Just like everyone else, I am also a NuclearNed fan, but this post left me wanting. Same old dramatic buildup and full of suspense, but I finished the story craving some idiot redneck retribution. Maybe writing on the lockers with a marker, then going to the frontdesk to tell them you caught them redneckhanded.
 
I was almost hoping the story would end with you beating the living dogshit out of the little tyke and then his redneck Dad pummeling you to a bloody pulp. I envisioned you posting this thread from your hospital room bed with your friends and relatives nearby shaking their heads and telling you how fruitless your misguided endeavor turned out to be.
 
I had a very similar incident at my local natatorium. There were two kids, probably 10-ish, and one of them started opening and slamming all the lockers. I yelled, "hey, those aren't your lockers and you're annoying the hell out of me." The kids started giggling and left, but I really hoped the little shit's mother was going to greet me outside. I wasn't particularly concerned that he had a father figure anywhere in his life.
 
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