- Oct 9, 1999
- 15,846
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A Ricer's Kill Story
I was drivin around minding my own bidness in my Civic DX bubbleback thats hooked up I got the windows tinted, chromed out everything. Even my hubcaps.. s**t they almost look like rims when im drivin. I pulled up at a stoplight next to my worst enemy... a domestic. I looked over, it had tennesee plates, flowmasters, big daisy musclecar wheels, big radials, nascar stickers, and rust spots. That s**t sounded mean, yeah... that was one fast lookin winnebago.
I cranked down my window and yelled at the big inbred southern hick. What you doin sucka? He tilted his orange hunting hat and said I'm movin . I told him that he would be movin a hell lot faster in a Honda. Thats when he started revvin his engine... man it sounded mean. d**n I wonder why hes even botherin to race... I guess he didnt see the Type R and GT-R badges I bought at pep boys.
I was a little worried at first cause my car aint that fast off the line, but I took a screwdriver and punched like thirty holes all over my rusty muffler to ease backpressure. So along with my aluminum wing I knew I had him on top end. I took my car out of drive into neutral and revved it up as high as it could go. I turned my upside down tennis visor backwards so it wouldnt obstruct my view of the road. Then I buckled my Type R yellow 4 point harness and sweated it out for the green.
BAMMMMM! The light wuz GREEN... All hell broke lose! I dropped it into drive and my tires almost screeched a little bit... I think. The winnebago was haulin butt though... BAMMM!!! I pretend to manually shift it into second. I gots the timing down now, so my pretend shifts are always on target with the real ones. s**t! That winnebago is dead even with me. I hear his revs rising and hes haulin butt. BAMMM!!! I pretend to shift it into third... s**t! bad pretend shift, he starts pullin on me so I make a pissed face and pretend to miss third. To make it worse... I hit a pothole and see one of my hubcaps fly off and hit his mobile home. ****! That s**t cost 6 dollars! Oh no... Im roundin out third and this guys still pullin hard Im almost at his bumper. I think really hard to myself What would the guy from The Fast and the Furious do? Oh YEAH! The little red button on my steering wheel. Hit the little red BUTTON!!!!! I reach down and hit the button!!! Oh ****! I dont have nitrous!
The little red button is only to turn on all fiftyseven of my custom smurf blue euro foglights!!! but this works to my advantage anyway, blinding the domestic redneck racer temporarily. My car hits fourth finally... I pull up to his rear quarterpanel while the blinded redneck fumbles around for his ZZ top ray ban's. I know Im gonna win now.YES! I pull past the redneck reaching the death defying speed of 55 miles per hour. Then throw on all 20 of my euro hazard lights!!!!! Whew... that was close! After this race I poked more holes into my muffler to make sure it wouldnt happen again. Chalk another one up for the CIVIC!!!
I was drivin around minding my own bidness in my Civic DX bubbleback thats hooked up I got the windows tinted, chromed out everything. Even my hubcaps.. s**t they almost look like rims when im drivin. I pulled up at a stoplight next to my worst enemy... a domestic. I looked over, it had tennesee plates, flowmasters, big daisy musclecar wheels, big radials, nascar stickers, and rust spots. That s**t sounded mean, yeah... that was one fast lookin winnebago.
I cranked down my window and yelled at the big inbred southern hick. What you doin sucka? He tilted his orange hunting hat and said I'm movin . I told him that he would be movin a hell lot faster in a Honda. Thats when he started revvin his engine... man it sounded mean. d**n I wonder why hes even botherin to race... I guess he didnt see the Type R and GT-R badges I bought at pep boys.
I was a little worried at first cause my car aint that fast off the line, but I took a screwdriver and punched like thirty holes all over my rusty muffler to ease backpressure. So along with my aluminum wing I knew I had him on top end. I took my car out of drive into neutral and revved it up as high as it could go. I turned my upside down tennis visor backwards so it wouldnt obstruct my view of the road. Then I buckled my Type R yellow 4 point harness and sweated it out for the green.
BAMMMMM! The light wuz GREEN... All hell broke lose! I dropped it into drive and my tires almost screeched a little bit... I think. The winnebago was haulin butt though... BAMMM!!! I pretend to manually shift it into second. I gots the timing down now, so my pretend shifts are always on target with the real ones. s**t! That winnebago is dead even with me. I hear his revs rising and hes haulin butt. BAMMM!!! I pretend to shift it into third... s**t! bad pretend shift, he starts pullin on me so I make a pissed face and pretend to miss third. To make it worse... I hit a pothole and see one of my hubcaps fly off and hit his mobile home. ****! That s**t cost 6 dollars! Oh no... Im roundin out third and this guys still pullin hard Im almost at his bumper. I think really hard to myself What would the guy from The Fast and the Furious do? Oh YEAH! The little red button on my steering wheel. Hit the little red BUTTON!!!!! I reach down and hit the button!!! Oh ****! I dont have nitrous!
The little red button is only to turn on all fiftyseven of my custom smurf blue euro foglights!!! but this works to my advantage anyway, blinding the domestic redneck racer temporarily. My car hits fourth finally... I pull up to his rear quarterpanel while the blinded redneck fumbles around for his ZZ top ray ban's. I know Im gonna win now.YES! I pull past the redneck reaching the death defying speed of 55 miles per hour. Then throw on all 20 of my euro hazard lights!!!!! Whew... that was close! After this race I poked more holes into my muffler to make sure it wouldnt happen again. Chalk another one up for the CIVIC!!!
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