Holy crap I'm drunk

[yukichigai]

Yeah, I decided to make a drink. A good, stiff drink. One involving Everclear, Vodka and some stuff too insignificant to mention. So yeah, I'm pretty damn drunk right now. You would not believe how many times I've had to redo what I'm typing.

Anybody care to ask me to rant about something?

Or maybe I'm just drunk.

 

[Jules]

Go to sleep.

 

[chiwawa626]

ex-girlfriends please.

 

[gentobu]

Please rant about Bush, immigration, or Iraq.

 

[Conky]

I'd like to hear a rant about popcorn.

 

[JohnCU]

Rant about deadly spiders and marriage.

 

[rockyct]

Originally posted by: chiwawa626
ex-girlfriends please.

I second that.

 

[imported_Mike]

rant about people's driving skills, or lack there of.

 

[jagec]

alien mind-control implants, and how you can't get them to match any of your outfits. Bastard aliens!

 

[yukichigai]

Originally posted by: chiwawa626
ex-girlfriends please.

Ah, sadly... wait, not sadly. Fortunately I don't have any ex's in general to rant about. Most of my breakups have been on good terms. What can I say, I'm a likable guy I guess.

However, there was one crazy broad... actually, come to think of it, it's been nothing but crazy broads, or broads with severe issues. What the hell?

On another note, why I am I saying "broads"?

Anyway...

Let me just ask this question: what is it exactly about me that attracts the nutjobs? Is it some vibe I give out that I'm not aware of? Do I have the psycho-beeatch equivalent of a giant neon sign saying "behold, poor defenseless guy perfect for exploiting your various and sundry issues upon here"? What the hell is it?

Let's back up, go back to the one that really got me wondering: the first girlfriend. The one by which, due to human psychology, all others are measured to some extent. The one who let me grope around blindly, inexpertly, as though I was tuning a goddamn radio without saying a word. Sure, sounds like the perfect first girlfriend, until you get to the stalking.

Yeah, stalking. It's not that cool even when the gal doing it to you is reasonably hot. Sure, it was given that extra "uncool" vibe considering she had a kid, (not mine, we didn't get that far) but it still would have been creepy anyway. Call me picky, but there's something decidedly unnerving when you're told by someone that you are the only person they've been in a relationship with that hasn't abused them. Now, true, that you can come to terms with, but when they offer themselves to you as a piece of property, even offer to significantly alter or cut off parts of their body to appeal to you, and to top it all off you're 17 and have almost no understanding of women, it's kind of unnerving. And by "kind of" I mean "the goggles, they do nothing."

Was there a memo that went out? Is there some sort of entry on craigslist that I'm not aware of, advertising me as the end-all, be-all in one-stop issue-venting needs? Is it completely impossible to meet someone who doesn't scream out their father's name every time they reach.. well, y'know, *that* point?

Mind you, there are perks. There's nothing quite like the undeniable and certain knowledge that every first date will end with someone's lips on someone else's dingle-dangles. And the saying is true: the crazy ones do have the best drugs. But after a while it really gets old. Old old old old old. Sometimes you just want sanity, good conversation, and not having to help your sig-o apply bandaids to those oh-so-tender areas they just had to cut so they could feel better.

Okay, sure, this sounds like I've been dating a goddamn carnival of horrors. I assure you, it's not been completely bad. I have gone weeks, months even before finding out exactly how bizarrely f%$#ed up my sweetie at the time has been. But it seems to be a pattern, a pattern I'm hoping to break. The current potential sig-o (not currently the official sig-o because she lives in another state) is fairly well-adjusted. True, she likes to go to RenFaires, and on top of that likes to work them, but she is from California and I'm hoping that's just part of being raised as a hippie. So cross your fingers for me. Or toes. Or sacrifice some animal to your current god of worship. Whatever, so long as you think it'll help me.


Who wants another rant?

 

[JohnCU]

you are typing too well to be drunk.

 

[yukichigai]

Originally posted by: JohnCU
you are typing too well to be drunk.

I'm a computer science major. I do nothing but type all day. Even on my worst day I type better than 50% of the population. In short, suck it.

Anyway....

rant about people's driving skills, or lack there of.

Ahhh, there we go. Something I have a lot of knowledge on.

Okay, let us first rant upon the driving skills of the average San Fransisco Bay Area driver.

Dear A-hole in the red sportscar: do you not understand physics at all? How exactly has it eluded you that cutting me off, particularly when I am driving a .5 ton cargo van, on top of an overpass, when your car weighs less than half that, that if you collide with me you will undoubtably spin out and crash through the barrier on the edge of the overpass, falling into the traffic below where you will be hit by a semi? I mean, sure, I could understand if you had a terminal disease that your insurance wouldn't cover and you need some other way of offing yourself that would give your family benefits, but I swear there's at least a few hundred of you idiots in Fremont alone. I'm tempted to put a cattle guard on my van.

And as for you Vegas Cab Drivers, let's be clear: traffic rules should apply to you. I don't give a crap if everyone drives like they don't, when my giant-ass cargo van is going down Desert Inn road I am not going to take responsibility if you merge into me at 100+ mph. Yes, it's cool and all that you can do triple the speed limit going the wrong way on a one-way street and get away with it. I even respect the fact that you seem to have an intimate knowledge of how to drive on the sidewalk without disrupting your passengers too much. But there is a limit to my understanding. I swear to... umm... someone that I will sideswipe you into the nearest canal the next time I see one of you a-holes driving the wrong way in a left-hand turn lane just so you can get your drunk-ass fare to Spearmint Rhino in time for happy hour.

In short, my car is bigger than you, can drive over smaller vehicles like speed bumps, and my insurance will cover me in the event that your idiocy gets you killed under the tires of my car. Stay the hell in your own lane, and put the goddamn cell phone down.

 

[So]

Originally posted by: yukichigai

Originally posted by: JohnCU
you are typing too well to be drunk.

I'm a computer science major. I do nothing but type all day. Even on my worst day I type better than 50% of the population. In short, suck it.

Anyway....

rant about people's driving skills, or lack there of.

Ahhh, there we go. Something I have a lot of knowledge on.

Okay, let us first rant upon the driving skills of the average San Fransisco Bay Area driver.

Dear A-hole in the red sportscar: do you not understand physics at all? How exactly has it eluded you that cutting me off, particularly when I am driving a .5 ton cargo van, on top of an overpass, when your car weighs less than half that, that if you collide with me you will undoubtably spin out and crash through the barrier on the edge of the overpass, falling into the traffic below where you will be hit by a semi? I mean, sure, I could understand if you had a terminal disease that your insurance wouldn't cover and you need some other way of offing yourself that would give your family benefits, but I swear there's at least a few hundred of you idiots in Fremont alone. I'm tempted to put a cattle guard on my van.

And as for you Vegas Cab Drivers, let's be clear: traffic rules should apply to you. I don't give a crap if everyone drives like they don't, when my giant-ass cargo van is going down Desert Inn road I am not going to take responsibility if you merge into me at 100+ mph. Yes, it's cool and all that you can do triple the speed limit going the wrong way on a one-way street and get away with it. I even respect the fact that you seem to have an intimate knowledge of how to drive on the sidewalk without disrupting your passengers too much. But there is a limit to my understanding. I swear to... umm... someone that I will sideswipe you into the nearest canal the next time I see one of you a-holes driving the wrong way in a left-hand turn lane just so you can get your drunk-ass fare to Spearmint Rhino in time for happy hour.

In short, my car is bigger than you, can drive over smaller vehicles like speed bumps, and my insurance will cover me in the event that your idiocy gets you killed under the tires of my car. Stay the hell in your own lane, and put the goddamn cell phone down.

:thumbsup:

Now rant about class.

 

[rockyct]

Since you're a CompSci major why not rant about fixing people's computers or something like that?

BTW, nice rants if you truely are drunk.

 

[imported_Mike]

Originally posted by: yukichigai

Originally posted by: JohnCU
you are typing too well to be drunk.

I'm a computer science major. I do nothing but type all day. Even on my worst day I type better than 50% of the population. In short, suck it.

Anyway....

rant about people's driving skills, or lack there of.

Ahhh, there we go. Something I have a lot of knowledge on.

Okay, let us first rant upon the driving skills of the average San Fransisco Bay Area driver.

Dear A-hole in the red sportscar: do you not understand physics at all? How exactly has it eluded you that cutting me off, particularly when I am driving a .5 ton cargo van, on top of an overpass, when your car weighs less than half that, that if you collide with me you will undoubtably spin out and crash through the barrier on the edge of the overpass, falling into the traffic below where you will be hit by a semi? I mean, sure, I could understand if you had a terminal disease that your insurance wouldn't cover and you need some other way of offing yourself that would give your family benefits, but I swear there's at least a few hundred of you idiots in Fremont alone. I'm tempted to put a cattle guard on my van.

And as for you Vegas Cab Drivers, let's be clear: traffic rules should apply to you. I don't give a crap if everyone drives like they don't, when my giant-ass cargo van is going down Desert Inn road I am not going to take responsibility if you merge into me at 100+ mph. Yes, it's cool and all that you can do triple the speed limit going the wrong way on a one-way street and get away with it. I even respect the fact that you seem to have an intimate knowledge of how to drive on the sidewalk without disrupting your passengers too much. But there is a limit to my understanding. I swear to... umm... someone that I will sideswipe you into the nearest canal the next time I see one of you a-holes driving the wrong way in a left-hand turn lane just so you can get your drunk-ass fare to Spearmint Rhino in time for happy hour.

In short, my car is bigger than you, can drive over smaller vehicles like speed bumps, and my insurance will cover me in the event that your idiocy gets you killed under the tires of my car. Stay the hell in your own lane, and put the goddamn cell phone down.

You're not drunk at all.

 

[Slew Foot]

If you can think that coherently, youre not drunk.

 

[yukichigai]

Originally posted by: rockyct
Since you're a CompSci major why not rant about fixing people's computers or something like that?

BTW, nice rants if you truely are drunk.

I'd take pictures to prove it but nobody wants to see me in my underwear. It seems to have quite abruptly gotten very hot in here. Imagine that.

Anyway....

Dear people at work: when I say you can call me "anytime" in case of emergency, "anytime" does not include 7:00am the morning I have a midterm. You should be clued into this fact when I answer the phone with the phrase, "somebody better have died." As a matter of fact, it's a goddamn miracle that I haven't hung up the phone when you do not tell me that someone has in fact died when you hear that question.

A word on network passwords: As I have explained 5-f%$#-hundred times before, they are required to change every 2 months. I realize it's an incredibly mind-sapping effort to change a single character in your password, but despite your pleadings I will not under any circumstances suspend this policy just for you. When you suddenly can't access the network drives it may have something to do with the fact that you haven't logged out or shut down your computer in 2 months. Related to this, when I ask you, "have you restarted your computer," I expect that you will give me an honest answer, rather than lying to me so that I spend 20 minutes walking you through unrelated troubleshooting steps that wind up being an exercise in misdirected futility. At 7am. While I'm in my underwear. Wondering how I'm going to pass that Senior Projects midterm with no sleep.

If there were justice in the world I would charge you for the sheer amount of caffiene I have to consume in order to cope with getting only 2 hours of sleep because of your idiocy.

Here's another popular one: hey jackass, when I tell you that you need to remember your email password since I don't know it, common courtesy would dicate that you write it down or something, rather than sending me emails asking what it is. If you hadn't been drunk or high or just plain retarded when I told you in the first place you might have noticed the part where I said that I have no way of knowing what your email password is since you're the one who puts it in.

I am not God; I do not know everything about the network. I do not know exactly what happened to that email some guy was supposed to send you 20 minutes ago. I can't recreate that file you permanently deleted off the server 3 weeks ago. And no, I won't help you install that really cool screensaver you downloaded. Get the f%$# back to work.

 

[rockyct]

Not bad, not bad.

 

[yukichigai]

Originally posted by: Slew Foot
If you can think that coherently, youre not drunk.

You think that's coherant?

God, you must be hammered.

 

[astrocase]

*applause*

 

[yukichigai]

No, I'm not going to rant about Bush. There's nothing new I could possibly say about that mildly-educated short-bus rider. But I do have a bone to pick when it comes to politics. A rather large bone. And that bone rests in the hands... or claws... or something of the Republican Party.

Dear Republicans: when exactly did you become the spawn of Satan? Have you completely forgotten about that whole "small government" thing? Is there some special rule that exempts you from being giant f%$#ing hypocrites(sp?)? 'cause I really don't remember reading that in school.

Let's talk about the small government stuff. Sure, you say you're all about small government. Less government, better the world. I hear that one every f%$# time someone points out how Chevron's profits shot up an ungodly amount in some period. But as soon as you apply the small government theory to something like gay marriage or marijuana you throw out the usual "immoral-terrorist-'we know better'" crap and bury it with some strawman. I mean, what, do you think hypocracy doesn't apply to you?

Now don't get me wrong, I believe in a lot of what the Republican party supposedly believes. I like the concept of unfettered gun ownership. I would welcome a true era of State's Rights. But when I see s*it like the Patriot Act and the DMCA being upheld by supposedly Republican legislators I have to wonder what the hell crack everyone in D.C. is smoking. Have we forgotten what "small government" means? Do people somehow not understand that just because some religious doctrine says something should be a certain way that enforcing it will be crossing the line into "large government"? I don't care if God has been talking to you, 'cause He hasn't been talking to me about the sh*t that you say He says to you. I think, considering how staggeringly impactful said policy is, that He would have sent me a memo or something if that's what He really wanted.

I think it's super and all that you're trying to learn from the success of the imams in the arab world. Sure, it's probably a huge political (and erotic) turn on to know that you have the power to make your wack-job personal beliefs national policy, but if you don't see that causing an eventual problem then you must be completely nuttter-butters. Sure, the arab world has survived where such actions are possible, but this is a world where dissenters wind up mysteriously disappearing. You aren't at a point where you can just "disappear" the folks who start asking the relevant questions, and eventually one of them is going to start poking giant visible holes it the crapsheet you're selling us. Or blowing things up, one of the two. In short, if you don't start acting like the party that Lincoln was all about then you're going to become extinct quite quickly, either figuratively or literally.

 

[The Batt?sai]

Originally posted by: yukichigai
Yeah, I decided to make a drink. A good, stiff drink. One involving Everclear, Vodka and some stuff too insignificant to mention. So yeah, I'm pretty damn drunk right now. You would not believe how many times I've had to redo what I'm typing.

Anybody care to ask me to rant about something?

Or maybe I'm just drunk.

why does the answer to life=42?

 

[The Batt?sai]

Originally posted by: jagec
alien mind-control implants, and how you can't get them to match any of your outfits. Bastard aliens!

:Q

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: yukichigai
Yeah, I decided to make a drink. A good, stiff drink. One involving Everclear, Vodka and some stuff too insignificant to mention. So yeah, I'm pretty damn drunk right now. You would not believe how many times I've had to redo what I'm typing.

Anybody care to ask me to rant about something?

Or maybe I'm just drunk.