help me with my poem...

[Omegachi]

she got into a car accident last nite, she is fine but her car was totalled. I called her up today and she was crying... so i want to make a card for her and make her feel better. so please give me some suggestions so i could improve this poem.


Life is full of surprises.
Some are good, and some are bad.
Cherish the good times,
and learn from the sad.
When the weather gets rough,
and the storm picks up.
You are always welcome to use my shoulder.
It will always be here, when you need comfort.
Cheerup ____, thank god you are safe.
Life is full of surprises, its only a bad day.

 

[DainBramaged]

n/m

 

[Omegachi]

no more suggestions?

 

[thecoolnessrune]

I would make the rhyme scheme similar throughout.

Life is full of surprises.
Some are good, and some are bad.
Enjoy when a good time arises.
And learn when a good time turns sad.

When the weather gets rough,
And the storm picks up,
You are welcome to use my shoulder.
It will always be here,
So be of good cheer!
Most important, thank God you are safe!

Life is full of surprises, its only bad
when you twist the current fad
into something most drab!
JUST BREATHE!
Life almost feels fake
if for a moment we take
even a little time for a break!

If you would have room
for this stanzical tune
by thecoolnessrune!
For this all would be nought!
If it weren't for ATOT!

Thats how I would write it anyways ^_^

 

[mrSHEiK124]

Originally posted by: thecoolnessrune
I would make the rhyme scheme similar throughout.

Life is full of surprises.
Some are good, and some are bad.
Enjoy when a good time arises.
And learn when a good time turns sad.

When the weather gets rough,
And the storm picks up,
You are welcome to use my shoulder.
It will always be here,
So be of good cheer!
Most important, thank God you are safe!

Life is full of surprises, its only a bad
when you twist the current fad
into something most drab!
JUST BREATHE!
Life almost feels fake
if for a moment we take
even a little time for a break!

If you would have room
for this stanzical tune
by thecoolnessrune!
For this all would be nought!
If it weren't for ATOT!

Thats how I would write it anyways ^_^

11/10 :laugh:
Use his poem OP!!

 

[thecoolnessrune]

Originally posted by: mrSHEiK124

Originally posted by: thecoolnessrune
I would make the rhyme scheme similar throughout.

Life is full of surprises.
Some are good, and some are bad.
Enjoy when a good time arises.
And learn when a good time turns sad.

When the weather gets rough,
And the storm picks up,
You are welcome to use my shoulder.
It will always be here,
So be of good cheer!
Most important, thank God you are safe!

Life is full of surprises, its only a bad
when you twist the current fad
into something most drab!
JUST BREATHE!
Life almost feels fake
if for a moment we take
even a little time for a break!

If you would have room
for this stanzical tune
by thecoolnessrune!
For this all would be nought!
If it weren't for ATOT!

Thats how I would write it anyways ^_^

11/10 :laugh:
Use his poem OP!!

Thx dude! Im glad someone liked it

 

[thecoolnessrune]

ok im sleep now XD. Bump for the OP. Hope you like it ^_^

 

[xSkyDrAx]

Need some cheer?
Grab a beer! :beer:

/finger snaps

 

[thecoolnessrune]

Bump for the afternoon crowd and for OP. Someone needs to help this dude out ^_^ He has a noble agenda.

 

[ActuaryTm]

Originally posted by: thecoolnessrune
Someone needs to help this dude out ^_^ He trying to get some play. We're his only chance.

And even then chloroform is likely necessary.

Corrected for accuracy.

 

[thecoolnessrune]

Originally posted by: ActuaryTm

Originally posted by: thecoolnessrune
Someone needs to help this dude out ^_^ He trying to get some play. We're his only chance.

And even then chloroform is likely necessary.

Corrected for accuracy.

Well... you might be right there ^_^* But lets help him get some play!

 

[archiloco]

Spring night stroll,
Nightmare has subdued,
Feelin Fine.

Haiku by archiloco

 

[conehead433]

For poetry writing inspiration consider Kurt Vonnegut's following classic:

"The plums are ripe
And ready for plucking,
You're just out of high school
And ready for college."

 

[thecoolnessrune]

Originally posted by: conehead433
For poetry writing inspiration consider Kurt Vonnegut's following classic:

"The plums are ripe
And ready for plucking,
You're just out of high school
And ready for college."

Personally, I cant stand imagery poetry without any rhyme scheme or meter. That selection doesn't even have eye-rhyme.

 

[conehead433]

Originally posted by: thecoolnessrune

Originally posted by: conehead433
For poetry writing inspiration consider Kurt Vonnegut's following classic:

"The plums are ripe
And ready for plucking,
You're just out of high school
And ready for college."

Personally, I cant stand imagery poetry without any rhyme scheme or meter. That selection doesn't even have eye-rhyme.

Personally, I can't stand people who can't take a joke. The fact is though that poetry doesn't have to rhyme or be in some metered form such as iambic pentameter, etc.