Help me decide!

[slackerinabox]

Hey,
A bud of mine worked on a writing a short film.. Something that we don't hope to win any award with but just to have on our portfolios.. Anyway, so we wrote a barebones story and then I edited it.. He prefers the barebone one to the draft that I wrote- what do you guys think? Each will take only a minute or so to read please help out if you can .. Thanks!

Version 1
Version 2

p.s. of course they're filled with typos.. They're very rough drafts so keep snotty anal comments about grammar to yourself.. or be judged as both snotty and anal - the choice is yours

 

[poopygood]

"The sterile white of the sheet has been contaminated by his blood."

What sheet?

the second draft is better, but i would stick the opening scene (in the stall) back into #2

So good manners are really, really important to you guys?

 

[mdcrab]

First part of #1 does not add anything to story. My vote is for #2.

Could have a better moral?

mdcrab