Help me come up with a thesis for my history paper

[S Freud]

Below is my opening paragraph for my history paper on the civil war, I've written the entire four page paper but I can not come up with what feels like a good thesis to save my life.

Thanks and a to anyone that can help me

The Union and Confederate Armies met at Antietam Creek near Sharpsburg, Maryland, on September 17, 1862, in the bloodiest single day of the war: more than 4,000 died on both sides and 18,000 were wounded. McClellan failed to break Lee's lines or press the attack, and Lee was able to retreat across the Potomac with his army intact. It?s suggested that this may have been the major turning point in the Civil War. I would have to agree, had the confederates been successful in this battle it is quite possible the European nation would have become involved in the war. The European nations had a special interest in the war from a financial point, since Most of the European nation and the south where dependent on the trade of cotton. Mediation would have been a most plausible interceding by Great Britain or France.

 

[JS80]

I would have to agree

are you supposed to write history papers in first person?

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: JS80

I would have to agree

are you supposed to write history papers in first person?

Why not? I don't think I will be marked down for it, but I removed it just in case.


Thanks

 

[goatjc]

What type of paper is it? Argumentative, persuasive, etc.

 

[TheWart]

The Union and Confederate Armies met at Antietam Creek near Sharpsburg, Maryland, on September 17, 1862, in the bloodiest single day of the war: more than 4,000 died on both sides and 18,000 were wounded. McClellan failed to break Lee's lines or press the attack, and Lee was able to retreat across the Potomac with his army intact. The battle of Antietam Creek proved to be a watershed event because the Union forces were able to prevent a Confederate victory: a victory that almost assuredly would have brought attempts at mediation on the part of the European powers. Had the confederates been successful in this battle it is quite possible the European nations would have become involved in the war as a brokers of peace because of their economic interests in both the north and south.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: goatjc
What type of paper is it? Argumentative, persuasive, etc.

Just an essay paper on a historic topic from a certain time frame.

 

[S Freud]

Originally posted by: TheWart
The Union and Confederate Armies met at Antietam Creek near Sharpsburg, Maryland, on September 17, 1862, in the bloodiest single day of the war: more than 4,000 died on both sides and 18,000 were wounded. McClellan failed to break Lee's lines or press the attack, and Lee was able to retreat across the Potomac with his army intact. The battle of Antietam Creek proved to be a watershed event because the Union forces were able to prevent a Confederate victory: a victory that almost assuredly would have brought attempts at mediation on the part of the European powers. Had the confederates been successful in this battle it is quite possible the European nations would have become involved in the war as a brokers of peace because of their economic interests in both the north and south.

I appreciate your effort, but should my first paragraph restate everything that is in my thesis?

 

[gocubs2k5]

the first person really doesn't matter as much as our old high school teachers told us. however, as someone with an undergraduate degree in history, i can assure you that you DO NOT use the passive voice. i had professors who if they saw that even once they would give the paper an f. dont say lee was able to retreat...say lee retreated.

 

[silverpig]

Do what I did... drop the history class and take an undergrad physics thesis

I love history, I love reading about it, but I hate doing the work for the classes and I hate writing papers.

 

[Exterous]

Originally posted by: S Freud

Originally posted by: TheWart
The Union and Confederate Armies met at Antietam Creek near Sharpsburg, Maryland, on September 17, 1862, in the bloodiest single day of the war: more than 4,000 died on both sides and 18,000 were wounded. McClellan failed to break Lee's lines or press the attack, and Lee was able to retreat across the Potomac with his army intact. The battle of Antietam Creek proved to be a watershed event because the Union forces were able to prevent a Confederate victory: a victory that almost assuredly would have brought attempts at mediation on the part of the European powers. Had the confederates been successful in this battle it is quite possible the European nations would have become involved in the war as a brokers of peace because of their economic interests in both the north and south.

I appreciate your effort, but should my first paragraph restate everything that is in my thesis?

First Paragraph (IIRC)
1. Attention getter
2. Tie in
3. Thesis
4. Preview of argument/statement

The first person is debatable, but because of that I would remove it. No harm in doing so. Definitely lose the passive voice - unless it is for a side notation that has some historical ambiguity to it and is not part of your argument/statement.