archcommus
Diamond Member
First off, I'm humiliated to create this thread, but I figured being shameful is silly, and who knows what good advice someone might offer me. So I'm swallowing up all of my embarrassment and making this thread. I was particularly motivated to do so after reading edro's thread from back in March.
I have OCD. It's never been officially diagnosed, however, and I'm not sure how bad it is. It's something I want to overcome before I get any older and continue to do this stuff. However I kind of have this mood that makes me absolutely refuse to seek professional help for it. For one, because that's sort of like admitting the problem exists. If I don't admit it in such a fashion, it almost feels like I don't even have the problem during times when I'm not doing it. And for two, I feel it's ridiculous that I should have to pay any person or company to help overcome an issue that I am causing myself. I still to this day think it's something I can overcome on my own with the right guidance and thought process.
So here are some examples. I check things compulsively. Like my alarm clock, I probably check it at least ten times before going to sleep. I check my car windows and locks all the time. I wonder if I turned my headlights off, even though I'm pretty sure I didn't even turn them on in the first place. I check my desk before leaving work to make sure everything's looking good; same with my computer when I leave the room. When I write out a bill, or a check, or a signature, or any kind of form, I can't help but check it over until I basically have to stop because it's starting to take too long. It's almost like I don't trust my own eyes, like I don't believe myself that everything is really filled out and complete. Because of this filling out and mailing a simple form can take me quite some time.
Moving on past checking things, I must redo things until they are perfect. If I do not do this I feel anxious and uneasy. If I think a bad thought while I'm performing a task, I have to redo that task while not thinking of such a thing. If I throw something away and it unravels or lands in an odd fashion, I have to pick it up and do it over. If I think a sentence and it doesn't sound quite right, I usually end up repeating it to myself a billion times until I get sick of hearing it. When I write, I fix letters far too often, causing many of them to be far darker than the rest, which just looks ridiculous. This is why I like computers and typing so much - because it's exact and has no room for such error or correction.
The list goes on but I'll stop there. Surprisingly, despite how crazy I probably sound right now, it doesn't seem to cause any major issue in my day to day life, and in fact, most people don't even know I do this unless I tell them. Only I know how bad it really is. But like I said, I am absolutely determined to overcome all of it. Sometimes I make progress, but then I usually relapse.
So, for you lazy folk, CLIFFS:
1. I HAVE OCD.
2. HELP.
I'm sure edro at least will have some insight.
I have OCD. It's never been officially diagnosed, however, and I'm not sure how bad it is. It's something I want to overcome before I get any older and continue to do this stuff. However I kind of have this mood that makes me absolutely refuse to seek professional help for it. For one, because that's sort of like admitting the problem exists. If I don't admit it in such a fashion, it almost feels like I don't even have the problem during times when I'm not doing it. And for two, I feel it's ridiculous that I should have to pay any person or company to help overcome an issue that I am causing myself. I still to this day think it's something I can overcome on my own with the right guidance and thought process.
So here are some examples. I check things compulsively. Like my alarm clock, I probably check it at least ten times before going to sleep. I check my car windows and locks all the time. I wonder if I turned my headlights off, even though I'm pretty sure I didn't even turn them on in the first place. I check my desk before leaving work to make sure everything's looking good; same with my computer when I leave the room. When I write out a bill, or a check, or a signature, or any kind of form, I can't help but check it over until I basically have to stop because it's starting to take too long. It's almost like I don't trust my own eyes, like I don't believe myself that everything is really filled out and complete. Because of this filling out and mailing a simple form can take me quite some time.
Moving on past checking things, I must redo things until they are perfect. If I do not do this I feel anxious and uneasy. If I think a bad thought while I'm performing a task, I have to redo that task while not thinking of such a thing. If I throw something away and it unravels or lands in an odd fashion, I have to pick it up and do it over. If I think a sentence and it doesn't sound quite right, I usually end up repeating it to myself a billion times until I get sick of hearing it. When I write, I fix letters far too often, causing many of them to be far darker than the rest, which just looks ridiculous. This is why I like computers and typing so much - because it's exact and has no room for such error or correction.
The list goes on but I'll stop there. Surprisingly, despite how crazy I probably sound right now, it doesn't seem to cause any major issue in my day to day life, and in fact, most people don't even know I do this unless I tell them. Only I know how bad it really is. But like I said, I am absolutely determined to overcome all of it. Sometimes I make progress, but then I usually relapse.
So, for you lazy folk, CLIFFS:
1. I HAVE OCD.
2. HELP.
I'm sure edro at least will have some insight.
