HELP! Haven't been stressed about the new arrival until now...

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Tallgeese

Diamond Member
Feb 26, 2001
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I've really been the picture of calm about our second child up until now.
Just got off the phone with my folks....and now I'm stressed.
Why?

My family (primarily my mother) has a SEVERE anti-breastfeeding attitude.
Why do they think this? No idea.
Where does this come from? No clue.

What I do know is that after the birth of our first child, this difference of opinion caused some serious friction with my family, as MTG and I don't agree with them.

Already, very subtle things have been said that (of course) are not supportive of breastfeeding.
I'm fully aware it's gonna be an issue AGAIN, so before they make a 600+ mile trip to see the new baby...I'm planning to discuss this issue with my mother (as she's the main problem) and clear the air about this issue.

MTG and I have talked about it and my primary concern is this: Any woman who has breastfed (or any man whose wife has breastfed) can tell you that the single biggest factor in the success of breastfeeding is the attitude of those around the mother. Without proper support and encouragement, it is SO much tougher on the mother that many women quit. MTG has already told me numerous times that if it hadn't been for my support, she would never have been able to breastfeed our first child past the first week.

What I'm looking for is any MATURE suggestions about ways to discuss this issue rationally with my mother...who is firmly entrenched in the "no breastfeeding" camp.

BTW: I'm thinking that the intelligent females of AT will be able to offer more suggestions on this one...but anyone with NON-asshat comments is welcome.
 
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Walleye

Banned
Dec 1, 2002
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breastfeeding is actually healthier for the child. i was breastfed. most children were. i dont think people should breastfeed in public, but in home, by all means. that's what the mother develops milk for. your mom's a nitwit. um, that's all i can think of now...

oh, btw. it's YOUR child, and not your mother's, so you and your wife raise it how you see fit.
 
kranky

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,019
156
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Actually, this is an easy one.

"Mom, I know you aren't in favor of us breastfeeding our baby. But MTG and I have looked into this extensively, and we have decided that we are going to breastfeed. I appreciate that you don't agree, but our decision is final, and we don't want to fight about it. Since we won't change your mind, and you won't change ours, it's probably best if we don't make it a topic of discussion. It would only end up with hurt feelings on both sides, and we want your visit to be enjoyable for everyone. Agreed?"

If she brings it up during the visit, cut her off with "Mom, we agreed we weren't going to get into that." and change the subject. Do not let her get started even if you have to cut her off 50 times. If she gets peeved about you interrupting her, it's probably preferable to allowing the discussion to continue, when you know where that would end up.
 
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rgwalt

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2000
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It is your child. Don't let your mother tell you how to raise your child, especially your *second* child.

Have they already planned their trip to see the baby? If not, make them wait a few weeks or months after the birth before having them out to see the new little one.

Ryan
 
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Tallgeese

Diamond Member
Feb 26, 2001
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Don't misunderstand...nobody will be deciding how this child is raised other than MTG and me.

The thing that took us so off guard the first time was how recalcitrant and vehement the reaction to breastfeeding was.
My parents are normally VERY laid-back...so it was a complete shock.

I'm mainly looking for a way to head this off...appreciate the direction kranky outlines.

And keeping them away for awhile is still a possible option rgwalt.
 
Anubis

Anubis

No Lifer
Aug 31, 2001
78,712
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tbqhwy.com
tell her its your child and you can raise it any way you want to. and is she dosent like that then she dosent have to come and see it
 
Zim Hosein

Zim Hosein

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Super Moderator
Nov 27, 1999
65,260
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Originally posted by: TheEvil1
tell her its your child and you can raise it any way you want to. and is she dosent like that then she dosent have to come and see it
Click to expand...

Exactly :)
 
I

Ime

Diamond Member
May 3, 2001
3,661
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I recommend kranky's suggestion, with rgwalt's suggestion being your fall-back.

Kind of like: If she refuses to not bring up the subject, or if she refuses to be cut off and creates a scene, invite her to stay away until she changes her mind or you are past breast-feeding.

I was in a similair situation with my father in regards to my marrying an asian women (I'm white). I had a long talk with him, and told him that I will be marrying this woman, and I would like his support. However, if he refused to conduct himself properly I would not allow him to attend our wedding. Mind you I said that with the utmost respect and politeness, you gotta use the carrot and stick approach. :)

I recommend being firm, but polite. Do not give in or let her create a scene, but do not be rude. In the end she should come around.

Good luck!
 
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LeeTJ

Diamond Member
Jan 21, 2003
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You didn't mention any objections your mother had to the breast feeding. on what principle or idea is she rejecting it.

i know a lot of older asian women think that Formula is better for kids than breast milk.

i think it would be best to remind your parents that you have their grand children (your childrens) best interest at heart and all the research you've done has shown breast feeding to be better for BOTH the child AND the mother.

Oh btw, did you wife have extreme pain in the breasts the first few weeks of feeding. OMG, i remember when my wife was breast feeding, she had soo much pain. i think she even once said that the pain in her breasts were worse than the labor pains, that's how bad it was.

good luck.
 
flavio

flavio

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
6,823
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What exactly does she have against breastfeeding? This is important info here. What's the problem?

I am really puzzled why anyone could possibly have any objection to it. There's no reason to not do it in public either if you're a little discreet about it.
 
ohtwell

ohtwell

Lifer
Jan 6, 2002
14,516
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81
Talk to your mom and tell her that the decision to breast feed is up to you and your wife and that, while you appreciate her help, she isn't part of the decision making in your marriage. She may be against it but you and MTG are not. That's all that matters.


: ) Amanda
 
MichaelD

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,528
3
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Originally posted by: Maleficus
kranky's suggestion +1 vote
Click to expand...

Kranky worded it perfectly. +2 votes. :)

My Mom also has a rock-headed attitude about certain things...things that we've discussed like adults and argued like children about over and over. I tell her "Mom, we've agree that XYZ if off-limits for any discussion, opinions or jabs from or by either side at any time, remember?"

Parents hate it when their children become as smart as they are! :D
 
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Tallgeese

Diamond Member
Feb 26, 2001
5,775
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Originally posted by: LeeTJ
You didn't mention any objections your mother had to the breast feeding. on what principle or idea is she rejecting it.
Click to expand...
I can't mention them if I don't know what they are. I really wish I knew.
I don't know if some kook doctor or just some kook in general put it in her head. No idea.
That's part of the problem. Not knowing why she thinks this makes it twice as tough to try to discuss it.
i think it would be best to remind your parents that you have their grand children (your childrens) best interest at heart and all the research you've done has shown breast feeding to be better for BOTH the child AND the mother.
Click to expand...
Which was stated to her after the birth of our first child.

Her response: "No it's not. Formula is just as good, if not better, for babies."

BTW: Neither I nor my sister were breastfed
BTW2: Also...my sister was not successful at breastfeeding her first child (few months older than ours).
BTW3: My nephew had MANY respiratory problems (as did I) during the first couple of years of his life. He also has many allergies (as did I).
BTW4: My daughter has been sick twice in 3 years.
 
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