Help edit my cover letter

[DPK]

I really need to get a job soon. I graduated college in August and want to move out, as one can only take so much from living at home. Tell me if it reads good or not. Should I take out anything or add something, any grammatical errors, etc?

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BODY OF COVER LETTER

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am responding to your listing on the (site name's) website (dated 1/15/02) regarding the Help Desk Specialist position. Also attached is my resume, showing my education, experience, and background.

I am a recent graduate from The University of Pittsburgh?s School of Information Science, where I was employed for nearly four years as a computer technician. Throughout my time working at Pitt I have become very familiar with the day-to-day processes of a multi-user Windows NT and 2000 environment and gained valuable experience supporting and dealing with end-users. Part of my job required supporting user problem calls and completing them in a timely manner, as well as hardware and software installations, maintenance, updates, and upgrades.

I am a very hard worker who can be depended on to complete the responsibilities assigned to me, and am very interested in working for (company name). May I arrange an interview to further discuss my qualifications? My schedule is very flexible and I would be available for an interview at your convenience.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Name

 

[Mean MrMustard]

First of all I didn't read the whole thing and I'm not an "expert". First you should mention that you have your resume at the end. After your name a couple of spaces down put "Enclosure". These are no big deals, just something I noticed right off.

 

[yoda291]

It's probably fine for a cover letter, but some recommendations

First, try and avoid using the word 'I'. My english professor always said this before giving out assignments, so I'm gonna share his wisdom.

Second, don't write with a focus to introduce yourself. Instead of listing your qualifications and introducing yourself, you should write with the focus that you can solve whatever problem you have and use your resume as backup. So instead of writing something like "I am familiar with yadda yadda yadda." You could use, "My experience in the field allows me to communicate solutions to users in a clear and concise manner." The experience, of course, is in the resume. I guess the most important thing to tell you is to avoid rehashing your resume and, instead, try and advertise yourself to this potential employer.