Heh...dorkiest hobbies analyized...complete with damage to sex life %
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FeathersMcGraw
Diamond Member
- Oct 17, 2001
- 4,041
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BillGates
Diamond Member
- Nov 30, 2001
- 7,388
- 2
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YES!!
1. Live Action Role Playing
Public Humiliation: 100%
Live action role playing, or LARP, is a nerd?s parent?s worst fears come true: Dungeons and Dragons has finally made their child go crazy. These people dress up like fantasy characters and go on adventures where other nerds play the parts of enemy monsters, which would be fine if the participants were in the second grade. When adults do it, it?s like a renaissance faire and backyard wrestling met, had demonic babies, and gave them weapons.
Damage to Sex Life: 100%
If you and your team of paladins are thinking about leaving your mom?s basement to move your fantasy quests into society, you might as well leave your genitals behind.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Aside from the barbarian clothes and giant monster heads, it?s impossible to know who might be LARPing. The only way to be sure is when they throw make-believe fireballs at you from their very fingertips, but by then... it?s already too late.
1. Live Action Role Playing
Public Humiliation: 100%
Live action role playing, or LARP, is a nerd?s parent?s worst fears come true: Dungeons and Dragons has finally made their child go crazy. These people dress up like fantasy characters and go on adventures where other nerds play the parts of enemy monsters, which would be fine if the participants were in the second grade. When adults do it, it?s like a renaissance faire and backyard wrestling met, had demonic babies, and gave them weapons.
Damage to Sex Life: 100%
If you and your team of paladins are thinking about leaving your mom?s basement to move your fantasy quests into society, you might as well leave your genitals behind.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Aside from the barbarian clothes and giant monster heads, it?s impossible to know who might be LARPing. The only way to be sure is when they throw make-believe fireballs at you from their very fingertips, but by then... it?s already too late.
edro
Lifer
- Apr 5, 2002
- 24,326
- 68
- 91
5. Collectible Card Games
Public Humiliation: 96.8%
Some experts claim that living a moment of completely pure humiliation is impossible, since that can only be achieved through some kind of lethal masturbation accident. But those experts have never seen the shame on a grown man?s face who?s just been caught by someone he knows playing Pokemon cards with a 10-year-old stranger in a hobby store.
Damage to Sex Life: 89.3%
All the carefully constructed card decks and assault strategies become useless once these geeks discover that a woman?s vagina contains no defending dragon harpies. Ha ha, that?s one of those double ironic jokes, because anyone who took high school biology knows that they actually DO.
Distinguishing Characteristics: This geek is always carrying a backpack, at least one more type of case for emergency miniature statues, and a thick layer of atrophied blubber to drip feed them nutrients.
WRONG! I don't wear a backpack!
Public Humiliation: 96.8%
Some experts claim that living a moment of completely pure humiliation is impossible, since that can only be achieved through some kind of lethal masturbation accident. But those experts have never seen the shame on a grown man?s face who?s just been caught by someone he knows playing Pokemon cards with a 10-year-old stranger in a hobby store.
Damage to Sex Life: 89.3%
All the carefully constructed card decks and assault strategies become useless once these geeks discover that a woman?s vagina contains no defending dragon harpies. Ha ha, that?s one of those double ironic jokes, because anyone who took high school biology knows that they actually DO.
Distinguishing Characteristics: This geek is always carrying a backpack, at least one more type of case for emergency miniature statues, and a thick layer of atrophied blubber to drip feed them nutrients.
WRONG! I don't wear a backpack!
Man... what's wrong with vampirism? I don't think that shoulda been in there, there's nothing wrong with a little sucky sucky . Spandex, and leather... halleluja.
. Spandex, and leather... halleluja.
guyver01
Lifer
- Sep 25, 2000
- 22,135
- 5
- 61
Distinguishing Characteristics: Aside from the barbarian clothes and giant monster heads, it?s impossible to know who might be LARPing. The only way to be sure is when they throw make-believe fireballs at you from their very fingertips, but by then... it?s already too late.
lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!
lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!lightning bolt!!
. Furries/Plushies
Public Humiliation: 99.95%
Furries are people who dress like animals to have sex with each other, usually without regard for gender of their mate or the species of their costume. If that?s tough to wrap your head around, picture McGruff the Crime Dog coming to your school and humping your mascot?s leg. Plushies have a similar hobby, but instead of having sex with nerds dressed as animals, they consummate their relationships with their stuffed animals. I?m sure you?ve heard of these people; they?re the main reason the Care Bears declared war against us.
Damage to Sex Life: -9.2%
For a plushie out on the prowl, the good news is that barnyard puppets just can?t say no. And as for the furries, they don?t seem to be picky about who they mount. Maybe because they?re ecstatic to find other people with the same debilitating social handicap as themselves, but most likely because everyone looks hot as a six-foot chicken. I mean, who?s with me, how do you not [Censor?s note: you really didn?t want to read this part we cut] all the way into its chicken hole!?
Distinguishing Characteristics: You?ll know furries and plushies because they?ll either be wearing a crotchless panda suit or just a screaming teddy bear firmly against their crotch, respectively.
:Q
Public Humiliation: 99.95%
Furries are people who dress like animals to have sex with each other, usually without regard for gender of their mate or the species of their costume. If that?s tough to wrap your head around, picture McGruff the Crime Dog coming to your school and humping your mascot?s leg. Plushies have a similar hobby, but instead of having sex with nerds dressed as animals, they consummate their relationships with their stuffed animals. I?m sure you?ve heard of these people; they?re the main reason the Care Bears declared war against us.
Damage to Sex Life: -9.2%
For a plushie out on the prowl, the good news is that barnyard puppets just can?t say no. And as for the furries, they don?t seem to be picky about who they mount. Maybe because they?re ecstatic to find other people with the same debilitating social handicap as themselves, but most likely because everyone looks hot as a six-foot chicken. I mean, who?s with me, how do you not [Censor?s note: you really didn?t want to read this part we cut] all the way into its chicken hole!?
Distinguishing Characteristics: You?ll know furries and plushies because they?ll either be wearing a crotchless panda suit or just a screaming teddy bear firmly against their crotch, respectively.
:Q
BWAHAHAHA!! So true.
In early high school year I was into collecting comics and paper RPG. Guess what? My sex life was nil. You young geeks out there should pay attention to this list. Renounce your geeky ways. Go into hobbies such as car modding (rice mobiles), hip hop, drinking, and/or sports.
In early high school year I was into collecting comics and paper RPG. Guess what? My sex life was nil. You young geeks out there should pay attention to this list. Renounce your geeky ways. Go into hobbies such as car modding (rice mobiles), hip hop, drinking, and/or sports.
Originally posted by: tnitsuj
. Furries/Plushies
Public Humiliation: 99.95%
Furries are people who dress like animals to have sex with each other, usually without regard for gender of their mate or the species of their costume. If that?s tough to wrap your head around, picture McGruff the Crime Dog coming to your school and humping your mascot?s leg. Plushies have a similar hobby, but instead of having sex with nerds dressed as animals, they consummate their relationships with their stuffed animals. I?m sure you?ve heard of these people; they?re the main reason the Care Bears declared war against us.
Damage to Sex Life: -9.2%
For a plushie out on the prowl, the good news is that barnyard puppets just can?t say no. And as for the furries, they don?t seem to be picky about who they mount. Maybe because they?re ecstatic to find other people with the same debilitating social handicap as themselves, but most likely because everyone looks hot as a six-foot chicken. I mean, who?s with me, how do you not [Censor?s note: you really didn?t want to read this part we cut] all the way into its chicken hole!?
Distinguishing Characteristics: You?ll know furries and plushies because they?ll either be wearing a crotchless panda suit or just a screaming teddy bear firmly against their crotch, respectively.
:Q
Such a hobby exists?!
lmao. anyone have a linky to the "lightning bolt lightning bolt" clip? that was fvcking hillarious.
shiner
Lifer
- Jul 18, 2000
- 17,112
- 1
- 0
4. Everquest
Public Humiliation: 70.1%
Since this game is played over the computer, most people would never know you played it unless you told them. However, if you?ve ever known anyone that?s played Everquest, you know that the part of their brain that allows them to keep the details of their quest for level 8 Vorpal chaps to themselves has long since been destroyed.
Damage to Sex Life: 99.8%
While other geek hobbies act as intercourse repellent, this game is so addicting to its users that it will actually destroy any sex life they might have, through some kind of groin miracle. And with all the male players pretending to be girls to get magical gifts, no one?s inter-gender social skills are going to be finely tuned when or if they ever pull themselves away from imaginary adventuring.
Distinguishing Characteristics: If someone looks like they and their gut have spent the last three days together in the same clothes, and they?re secreting Mountain Dew out of their pores, that?s a good sign of Everquest. The other is the wistful look in their eyes that yearn to gaze upon lizard warriors killing hobbits.
Man....that is dead on true....funny...funny sh1t!!!
Public Humiliation: 70.1%
Since this game is played over the computer, most people would never know you played it unless you told them. However, if you?ve ever known anyone that?s played Everquest, you know that the part of their brain that allows them to keep the details of their quest for level 8 Vorpal chaps to themselves has long since been destroyed.
Damage to Sex Life: 99.8%
While other geek hobbies act as intercourse repellent, this game is so addicting to its users that it will actually destroy any sex life they might have, through some kind of groin miracle. And with all the male players pretending to be girls to get magical gifts, no one?s inter-gender social skills are going to be finely tuned when or if they ever pull themselves away from imaginary adventuring.
Distinguishing Characteristics: If someone looks like they and their gut have spent the last three days together in the same clothes, and they?re secreting Mountain Dew out of their pores, that?s a good sign of Everquest. The other is the wistful look in their eyes that yearn to gaze upon lizard warriors killing hobbits.
Man....that is dead on true....funny...funny sh1t!!!
Cerb
Elite Member
- Aug 26, 2000
- 17,484
- 33
- 86
That list is so wrong...except maybe for the ST geeks, comic geeks, and maybe furries, though I don't wish to ponder how right it could be, either.
But hilarious because I know those people, except for the last one (going to a LARP tomorrow night...I fear that LARPers as they describe them do exist though, since I do know people like quite a fe other entries in that list...I would be afraid to meet them, though).
But hilarious because I know those people, except for the last one (going to a LARP tomorrow night...I fear that LARPers as they describe them do exist though, since I do know people like quite a fe other entries in that list...I would be afraid to meet them, though).
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