Having a child

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: Nightfall

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot
sounds like you are both waiting for the other to make the decision. it happens sometimes.. i usually settle it by asking a magic 8 ball, but coinflip or other methods work too.

Yea, I can see it now when my daughter turns 20.

daughter: Dad, when did you decide to have kids?
me: After your mom and I talked about it, and then left it up to a coin flip.
daughter: A coin flip?
me: Yup, heads was yes, tails was no.
daughter: So, the entire decision to have me was based on a coin landing heads?
me: Yea, that about sums it up.

Not really the direction I want to go on this issue.

Daughter: Ok, that's fine daddy. I mainly wanted to know why you named me "Heads."

 

[UberNeuman]

At this point if you're still discussing it, then you both must have a longing for it...

*edit - I believe she's telling you that she loves so much that she wants to have your child.....

 

[TridenT]

I didn't read the thread because it's way long, and I just want to say, "ADOPTION!"

 

[Farang]

OP if you do have a kid you must show them this thread. Save it. Seriously, if this was how the decision to have me was made I would want to know.

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: boomhower
Damn grow a pair of balls and make a decision on what you want. Supporting your wife is fine but at least have a damn opinion.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Originally posted by: ironwing

Originally posted by: soxfan
Sure, children are messy (especially in the beginning), but few things bring more satisfaction than seeing your child grow into a cool mini version of you. If you don't understand that, you either don't have kids; or rightfully shouldn;t have kids.

As egotistical as I might be, I have never once thought that the world would be a better place with a bunch of mini ironwings running around.

I didn't say the world would be a better place. I said that it is very cool to watch your son or daughter develop. Nothing in the world is like that. Nothing.

 

[Madwand1]

Originally posted by: Farang
OP if you do have a kid you must show them this thread. Save it. Seriously, if this was how the decision to have me was made I would want to know.

When you're a parent, it's also your duty to go against their wishes at times. Becoming a parent doesn't make you perfect, or raise the standard of conduct and knowledge to perfection. If you really want to be rational about it, also consider the extent of help you can ask for and get in raising the child. This is when having proximity and a good relationship with your own parents can help. You shouldn't be ashamed of asking for advice or help towards a greater end.

 

[Fear No Evil]

Originally posted by: vi edit
I don't buy into the "it's a yes or no answer" mantra.

There's a whole pile of us (yeh, us bastard children! ) that didn't even give our parents a choice. They just had to roll with the hand they were dealt.

For others that have the choice, if they don't have some bit of doubt about the decision they either haven't done their homework or they are delusional. It's human nature to second guess and debate a choice as big as this.

It's just not one of those decisions you can really try before you buy or really vest yourself into until you have to. Those of us in our 20's and 30's have been conditioned so much that you have to have the most toys, we want to play video games and surround ourselves with giant TV's and a billion channels to watch on it. And we are completely screwed when it comes to daycare and future college costs. It's easy to just say "screw it" I like my life and don't want the challenges. I know very few men my age that absolutely felt like they needed to have children. We still want to be kids ourselves.

Either you are the 2nd coming of Jesus or your parents had a choice. They chose to have sex.. its not like you must magically appeared in your mother's uterus.

 

[vi edit]

Originally posted by: Fear No Evil

Originally posted by: vi edit
I don't buy into the "it's a yes or no answer" mantra.

There's a whole pile of us (yeh, us bastard children! ) that didn't even give our parents a choice. They just had to roll with the hand they were dealt.

For others that have the choice, if they don't have some bit of doubt about the decision they either haven't done their homework or they are delusional. It's human nature to second guess and debate a choice as big as this.

It's just not one of those decisions you can really try before you buy or really vest yourself into until you have to. Those of us in our 20's and 30's have been conditioned so much that you have to have the most toys, we want to play video games and surround ourselves with giant TV's and a billion channels to watch on it. And we are completely screwed when it comes to daycare and future college costs. It's easy to just say "screw it" I like my life and don't want the challenges. I know very few men my age that absolutely felt like they needed to have children. We still want to be kids ourselves.

Either you are the 2nd coming of Jesus or your parents had a choice. They chose to have sex.. its not like you must magically appeared in your mother's uterus.

:roll:

That's like saying I wanted to wreck my car because I chose to get into it and drive.

 

[Rage187]

My wife and I were in a similar situation.

Married for 7 years, she could not have children for woman reasons. Then one morning she wakes me up and tells me she is pregnant.

3 years later and we have a 2 year old daughter who is the greatest. It changed our lives for the best. Marriage without children is just dating.

So, tell her to stop taking her pills and just keep going at it before making drastic decisions for fertility treatments. You would be amazed what the human body can do even when you don't think things are possible.

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: Nightfall

Originally posted by: Imp
Sounds like the main issue is the medical issue and fertility treatments. Consider taking that out of the equation (i.e. adoption: screw passing on your genes, go for socialization or raising he/she right).

That is an option as well. We have discussed international adoption too. However, we keep coming back to the crux of the issue. Me being supportive and my wife just not knowing if having a child is the right thing for her.

from what you are saying, it seems that children really aren't for either of you. generally, you feel the NEED and the DESIRE to have children, it's not really a ho hum kinda deal. if you wife doesn't have any desire to have children and you don't really feel the want either, then it's probably best for both of you to skip it all together and focus on yourselves and your marriage. having children isn't for everyone and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: boomhower
Damn grow a pair of balls and make a decision on what you want. Supporting your wife is fine but at least have a damn opinion. just because you may disagree doesn't mean you can't be supportive. It's a big decision just think carefully, your life will never be close to the same. Be ready for no sleep and rocking a crying baby all night. Be ready for spending untold amounts of money on baby furniture, diapers, formula(this crap is stupid expensive), toys, babysitters, all the way through college. Be ready for the little fucker to steal you heart the second it pops out. My little girl is two years old and it the best thing I ever did. If it wasn't for the economy sucking so bad we would have a second but it is just not economically responsible in our household at the moment. That said from how wishy washy you both are it sounds like you would be better off with a dog.

That only lasts a few months.

Honestly, I was kind of on the fence about having children too but I wouldn't change a thing now that we have our son. My wife always wanted children and I was always kind of meh about it. I wouldn't change being a Father for anything though.

 

[RKS]

FYI

This morning while I was trying to tie my tie and get out of the house my 3YO ran downstairs and told me his stomach hurt and he had to "poop really badly". He needed help getting his PJs and underwear off quickly so I tried to help. I ended up knuckles deep in slimy diarrea complete with chunks for that perfect texture.

Good luck with your decision.