Kaido
Elite Member & Kitchen Overlord
- Feb 14, 2004
- 48,420
- 5,275
- 136
Rule #1: We didn't come here to fail.
I've given this a lot of thought. Any of us could die of aneurysm tomorrow. Millions of Americans are just one paycheck away from financial disaster. The world is a mess, but you're not here to fix it all; that's simply not your job. You're here to use your particular talents in your pocket of the world to make things better. But everything you'll ever do will be completely obsolete in 100 years, so why bother? Because longevity isn't why we're here; our personal growth experience is why we're here. You're here to be a friend, a good worker, a great parent. You're the only one who can play your role; it's up to you to realize that potential. You're at the right time, in the right place, for exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
So the question is, what exactly is it that you're doing? Life on this rock will always be a mess, and we get a very specific choice each & every day: cave to the darkness, or light our own fire & contribute . I don't mean this in a cheesy Hallmark-channel kind of way, I mean that in a core-life-purpose kind of way. Over the years, I've gone from not knowing what I want to do with my life, to working for a living just to survive, to getting more skilled & educated & competent in my job field, and have learned a few things along the way. I had one particular experience where I was out of work for several months due to health reasons...it was SUPER fun at first because I was able to catch up on every book, movie, and video game I had been missing out on...and then I got bored. Like really really bored. Boredom I simply couldn't escape from because I was stuck at home. Long story short, I came to realize what one of my core operating mechanics was, and thus where my primary focus in life should be:
Rule #2: Focus on making a contribution.
There's an endless amount of stuff to complain about, feel bad about, have anxiety about, get sickened about, and it will never end. So what really matters to us is, well - what we choose to focus on! I pretty much split the concept of "making a contribution" into 3 groups:
1. Myself
2. My circle
3. My community
I can't change the whole world, but I can make my life better, my family & friend's life better, and my little niche in the world better. I heard a speech a few years ago that changed my mind on putting myself first, which I always thought was selfish, but as the speaker explained it, if you don't take care of yourself - your mental & physical health, your personal organization, managing your resources & your productivity & your stress & your ability to get things done - then you're not going to be in a position to help anybody else. So it's not about being selfish or self-centered, but rather about taking care of yourself so that you can help others. So let's take a look at your OP quote:
* "It can't be healthy that I look forward to being old on my deathbed (if I'm lucky) and can't wait til I return to dust after I have fulfilled my duties (raising kids)."
Mostly, this sounds like an energy issue, and partially a depression issue, which partly stems from not having your "what's my life purpose?" bucket filled. Let's start with energy. This guy has it nailed:
If you don't feel like this, then things need to change...for the better! I grew up VERY low-energy. Like, people don't even know what low energy is until they've had a mental argument with themselves about which gas station to stop at because pulling out left into traffic is more hassle than turning right into traffic so you plan out your stops...just because the mental & emotional weight of having to deal with that extremely minor fuss makes your brain hurt lol. So another quote from your OP:
* "what are the steps/actions I'll take to improve the situation?"
First thing is, don't drink from the firehose! It's temping to try to change everything at once & get so overwhelmed you do nothing. Your first task, imo, should be working on your energy. If you already feel awesome all the time, have no energy dips, don't have to take naps, have no barriers to consistently exercising, gets lots of sleep, are consistently well-rested, have a low-stress personal productivity system, are well-hydrated, eat well, and are in great shape, then you've already completed step one! If not...it's really hard to feel good about life if you're constantly exhausted. I only got diagnosed with sleep apnea about a year ago and MAN what a difference that has made in my daily energy & attitude, simply from just literally feeling better!
So to recap:
1. You did not come here to fail. That doesn't mean life will be easy, but your job is endurance, not perfection. You will go through hard times consistently, and that's OK! Your job is to stick with it, hang in there, and not quit, even when the world is stacked against you. You have a 100% track record of getting through absolutely everything life has thrown at you so far.
2. How can you focus on making a contribution? What do you need to do right now to improve your own situation, your family's situation, help your friends out, do good work at your job, etc.?
3. Specifically, and without drinking from the firehose: how is your energy? Per that video above, are you opening the gates for your energy horses to run by doing the things you need to do for your particular body to feel awesome all day every day? If you don't feel good, then everything will always be a drag. I'm sure you remember the days when your kid(s) were infants & you got NO SLEEP and was constantly tired all the time. If you don't wake up feeling awesome like that guy said, then there's a kink in your energy hose that needs to get unplugged so your energy can flow. Society glosses over this, but this is like the foundational building block, the first step of tilting the odds in your favor to have good days instead of bad days.
The world stinks, but that's not our problem: our job is to focus on making a contribution. For me, as I walk a thin tightrope to maintain my energy levels, that initially means focusing on ways to create systems to support better energy, which puts me in a better mood, because I fall off that wagon SUPER fast & get into the doldrums of anxiety, depression, and general whiny-ness pretty easily lol.
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