Have you ever fallen in love with someone you've never met?

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon

Originally posted by: moshquerade
PC Surgeon, i'm not saying this to be mean, but you need to get off the computer and stop pining away for this girl's emails, IMs and phone calls, and go meet a real girl that you can actually see.

why aren't you looking for someone in real life? you seem to be torturing yourself with this online girl. ask yourself how happy the situation really makes you. i'll bet it tears at your heart more than anything.

Gee, if I had a nickle for everytime someone told me that I would be in western europe now lol

Funny you should bring up torture. She says the same thing "Why do you torture yourself". As I see it, my feelings toward her are not a light switch. I cannot just turn it "off".

:roll:

Of course you can't turn your feelings off like a light switch, but you can treat and view her differently in your actions. You do that, and eventually the feelings/infatuation will follow. (It is called growing up and being mature) Especially if she is giving you the cold shoulder. Man, the only person that doesn't see this or refuses to see this is you, sir.

Treat her different? How so? Be rude everytime we talk? Or treat her as someone special, for whom she is?

I do treat her with respect and ask about her and her boyfriend. I offer advice when needed. At the sacrifice of my own wants/desires I help her. I dont blame you guys for saying such rude things when you dont know the whole story.

I see it very clearly, I know she has someone else. But I wait for some change of events.

As for "growing up and being mature" statement. Thats just a cut down that was not needed. Again, you don't know the whole story or how I treat her. Always with respect if you need to know.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
There are no "standards" on which she has to live up to. I love her for who she is, not what she has done or will do.

I have been married so I know it's not "first-puppy-love" crap. I do not care that you guys keep saying the "stalker" BS. That's not me and will never be. I have more respect for her than that.

Let her go? As in let her be who she wants to be with and do what she wants? I already do that. If you mean "stop loving her", like I said before, its not a switch.

BTW, I am in a similar situation as you, but I actually know the girl. We have become good friends, but I have not been manipulative in my actions, I have been straightforward and honest with her, and I restrain myself from treating her any differently than any other close friend. In doing these things, not out of some rule but out of treating her in the best possible way, I have become good friends with her, and my emotions are slowly coming into check.

On the contrary with your situation, you are pursuing the girl, and you also refuse to try to temper your feelings (emotions) for her for her benefit. You are holding onto those emotions in a selfish manner.

And you keep equating your feelings to love, which they are not. "Love" is action, not feelings. Feelings are fleeting.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
Treat her different? How so? Be rude everytime we talk? Or treat her as someone special, for whom she is?

I do treat her with respect and ask about her and her boyfriend. I offer advice when needed. At the sacrifice of my own wants/desires I help her. I dont blame you guys for saying such rude things when you dont know the whole story.

I see it very clearly, I know she has someone else. But I wait for some change of events.

As for "growing up and being mature" statement. Thats just a cut down that was not needed. Again, you don't know the whole story or how I treat her. Always with respect if you need to know.

That is where your philosophy on Agape love does not match up. You are holding onto those desires for selfish reasons.

Don't hold out for a girl if she wants to be just friends. Pursue the friendship. Treat her as a friend and nothing more. Treating a girl with respect means respecting their wishes. That means you have to temper your feelings as well as maybe not pour your heart out everytime you talk to her. there is always a chance for something even after you do this, but that is not up for you to decide. Plus, if you let it go, there are plenty of great girls out there that you probably missed otherwise.

The more you hold on to those feeling the more of a gap you put in between a real genuine friendship because you have alterior reasons. As for the "growing up and being mature", I don't mean that as a cut-down. It is the truth. Most people, including me, need to grow up and mature in different aspects. You need to do that in your relationships.

 

[NuAlphaMan]

Originally posted by: z42

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
CRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWLING INNNNNNNNNN MY SKIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN

THESE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUNDS THEY WIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL NOT HEEEEEAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

- M4H

:thumbsup:

I LOVE Linkin Park....And I've met them either!

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: DaShen


Hey OP, although I agree with your statement, it is obvious from your posts that you really aren't treating her with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as you said it. If you really put her needs/wants above your own, you would treat her differently than you do right now. Right now you are just acting like an injured dog that is trailing some person just to gain their approval (that is not acting in love). If you acted in love, you would let her decide the nature of the relationship and be okay with that, but it is obvious from your posts you are pressuring for more than that and that is not acting out of love.

The girl obviously doesn't want ot hurt your feelings, but she did ask why you are torturing yourself like this. You can still treat a person with unconditional love and be there for them without forcing your affections on them. It is a hard balance when you have emotional wants and feeling for the person, but it can be done. BTW, I suggest that you take some time to really reevaluate your intentions in doing these things and helping her out. Is it to somehow win her approval and somehow meet your wants (which it pretty much is from your posts), or is it to honestly treat her with respect and love (which if you actually did that, your emotions for the girl would diminish).

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
You get more and more creepy with every post. *shudder*

No offense, but it's probably best that you got divorced and will never be with this girl you've never met. Safer for them.

The only reason it is creepy is because he is using Agape love as an excuse or reason for his actions, when really they are self motivated.

I would let her decide the nature of our relationship? I already have and she has taken liberty to do so.

How would my emotions change by truly meaning what I say. I do respect and love her. I honor whatever she asks. She wants to go, I let her be. She wants advice , I give it. Wants to cry on my shoulder about what fight she was in with her boyfriend? I'm there for that too. Is it so hard to see that I actually love her?

Self motivated? There is a desire to be loved, but who doesnt have that? Do I want it to be her? Yes. But if it is forced its not true love, she has to do it on her own and then it will be true.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon

Originally posted by: DaShen


Hey OP, although I agree with your statement, it is obvious from your posts that you really aren't treating her with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as you said it. If you really put her needs/wants above your own, you would treat her differently than you do right now. Right now you are just acting like an injured dog that is trailing some person just to gain their approval (that is not acting in love). If you acted in love, you would let her decide the nature of the relationship and be okay with that, but it is obvious from your posts you are pressuring for more than that and that is not acting out of love.

The girl obviously doesn't want ot hurt your feelings, but she did ask why you are torturing yourself like this. You can still treat a person with unconditional love and be there for them without forcing your affections on them. It is a hard balance when you have emotional wants and feeling for the person, but it can be done. BTW, I suggest that you take some time to really reevaluate your intentions in doing these things and helping her out. Is it to somehow win her approval and somehow meet your wants (which it pretty much is from your posts), or is it to honestly treat her with respect and love (which if you actually did that, your emotions for the girl would diminish).

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
You get more and more creepy with every post. *shudder*

No offense, but it's probably best that you got divorced and will never be with this girl you've never met. Safer for them.

The only reason it is creepy is because he is using Agape love as an excuse or reason for his actions, when really they are self motivated.

I would let her decide the nature of our relationship? I already have and she has taken liberty to do so.

How would my emotions change by truly meaning what I say. I do respect and love her. I honor whatever she asks. She wants to go, I let her be. She wants advice , I give it. Wants to cry on my shoulder about what fight she was in with her boyfriend? I'm there for that too. Is it so hard to see that I actually love her?

Self motivated? There is a desire to be loved, but who doesnt have that? Do I want it to be her? Yes. But if it is forced its not true love, she has to do it on her own and then it will be true.

She is using you. Do you feel like that worthless of a person that you are at the beckon call of someone who has told you she has a boyfriend (and it's not you), and she only wants you when she needs someone to talk badly about her boyfriend or confide in when things go bad in her life?

I think you are wasting your time with her. Break away, and see how much better it feels to be free.

She must know what a hold she has on you. I fault her, and if I knew her I would tell her to tell you to get lost. At this point I find her despicable for letting this go on. I wonder what her boyfriend would think of you and your love for his girlfriend.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
How would my emotions change by truly meaning what I say. I do respect and love her. I honor whatever she asks. She wants to go, I let her be. She wants advice , I give it. Wants to cry on my shoulder about what fight she was in with her boyfriend? I'm there for that too. Is it so hard to see that I actually love her?

Being a dishrag for someone else isn't a sign of love. Being used, being abused, isn't love. Stick up for yourself, man. Honor whatever your inner voice asks. Maybe then she'll become interested in you - once you are a real man. She clearly isn't interested in a pushover who tries too hard. Thus, try the opposite.

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: moshquerade



She is using you. Do you feel like that worthless of a person that you are at the beckon call of someone who has told you she has a boyfriend (and it's not you), and she only wants you when she needs someone to talk badly about her boyfriend or confide in when things go bad in her life?

I think you are wasting your time with her. Break away, and see how much better it feels to be free.

She must know what a hold she has on you. I fault her, and if I knew her I would tell her to tell you to get lost. At this point I find her despicable for letting this go on. I wonder what her boyfriend would think of you and your love for his girlfriend.

Yeah, I've been told that too, about her using me. And actually I have noticed it myself. It seems the only time she wants to talk to me is when she has some sort of problem. Other than that, she doesn't have time for me.

I'm sure she knows how much a hold on me she has. For the last 2 years I havent been but a phone call away. She knows I would drop anything for her, in a second, without a thought.

As for her boyfriend lol, he told her to get rid of me and as far as he knows, I am gone.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
I would let her decide the nature of our relationship? I already have and she has taken liberty to do so.

How would my emotions change by truly meaning what I say. I do respect and love her. I honor whatever she asks. She wants to go, I let her be. She wants advice , I give it. Wants to cry on my shoulder about what fight she was in with her boyfriend? I'm there for that too. Is it so hard to see that I actually love her?

Self motivated? There is a desire to be loved, but who doesnt have that? Do I want it to be her? Yes. But if it is forced its not true love, she has to do it on her own and then it will be true.

You really need to evaluate the reason underlying why you are doing all of these things for her. Is it for her approval (you want to win her affection), or because you want to treat her in love? I would say you are doing the first by what you are saying. You are doing her more of a disservice by pouring out your heart and allowing her to pour out her heart and not letting her guard her emotions when she is in distress.

You are using Agape Love as a reason for your actions, but it is clear to see that it is self motivated.

You really need to think about this (pray if that is what you do). Seriously... One of my goals is to be able to look back at my life and say I was the most decent human being I could have been. (I have made plenty of errors in that goal though) If that was your goal, then you would treat everyone with a level of love.

You are treating her with emotions, not love. Stop rationalizing your actions and really look at them for what they are.

The girl I have become good friends with, I even told her to tell me if I ever cross the friendship line or make her uncomfortable. I said I would do the same if she starts to pour out every detail of her life on me (because she need to guard her emotions/heart). I did this out of respect for her wishes and out of a desire for what's best in a friendship and for her.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon

Originally posted by: moshquerade



She is using you. Do you feel like that worthless of a person that you are at the beckon call of someone who has told you she has a boyfriend (and it's not you), and she only wants you when she needs someone to talk badly about her boyfriend or confide in when things go bad in her life?

I think you are wasting your time with her. Break away, and see how much better it feels to be free.

She must know what a hold she has on you. I fault her, and if I knew her I would tell her to tell you to get lost. At this point I find her despicable for letting this go on. I wonder what her boyfriend would think of you and your love for his girlfriend.

Yeah, I've been told that too, about her using me. And actually I have noticed it myself. It seems the only time she wants to talk to me is when she has some sort of problem. Other than that, she doesn't have time for me.

I'm sure she knows how much a hold on me she has. For the last 2 years I havent been but a phone call away. She knows I would drop anything for her, in a second, without a thought.

As for her boyfriend lol, he told her to get rid of me and as far as he knows, I am gone.

You have no self respect.

Again, I am not trying to be mean, I am just calling it like I see it.


Tell me again in case I missed your reply, why aren't you pursuing someone *not* on the internet?

And this girl is playing with fire, and so are you. Her boyfriend will find you two are still communicating, and he may find out your address and then who knows what will happen.

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
How would my emotions change by truly meaning what I say. I do respect and love her. I honor whatever she asks. She wants to go, I let her be. She wants advice , I give it. Wants to cry on my shoulder about what fight she was in with her boyfriend? I'm there for that too. Is it so hard to see that I actually love her?

Being a dishrag for someone else isn't a sign of love. Being used, being abused, isn't love. Stick up for yourself, man. Honor whatever your inner voice asks. Maybe then she'll become interested in you - once you are a real man. She clearly isn't interested in a pushover who tries too hard. Thus, try the opposite.

There is no price high enough for love my friend.

Honor whatever your inner voice asks? Wow! That is very true, I used to "hear" that voice and everything at that point and time was absolutely perfect. Even if people around me thought it was chaotic.

Yes, it seems that whenever I pull away, is when she wants to get closer. Very, true my frind, very true

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
Yeah, I've been told that too, about her using me. And actually I have noticed it myself. It seems the only time she wants to talk to me is when she has some sort of problem. Other than that, she doesn't have time for me.

I'm sure she knows how much a hold on me she has. For the last 2 years I havent been but a phone call away. She knows I would drop anything for her, in a second, without a thought.

As for her boyfriend lol, he told her to get rid of me and as far as he knows, I am gone.

If you really wanted to treat her with respect and love, you would confront the guy and tell him you will only be friends with her, and if he is still not cool with it, then you will be friends at a distance. That means giving up any claim to her you have in your mind, but you probably won't do this, because your mind is made up. :roll: You are being dishonest with her and yourself about why you are doing all these thigns for her, and you are being dishonest to her boyfriend, and making her culpable in your dishonesty. If you really respected her, you would want her to have a good relationship with anybody, you would want the relationship with her and her boyfriend to work out well, but Nope your Desires still get in the way.

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

You have no self respect.

Again, I am not trying to be mean, I am just calling it like I see it.


Tell me again in case I missed your reply, why aren't you pursuing someone *not* on the internet?

And this girl is playing with fire, and so are you. Her boyfriend will find you two are still communicating, and he may find out your address and then who knows what will happen.

You can say I don't have self respect, and I couldnt deny that.

I know your not trying to be mean, I can see your heart through your posts.

Why am I not pursuing someone *not* on the internet? Well, I want to know thier heart before my eyes judge thier physical features. I think that many relationsips are based too much on the physical characteristics and not enough on the mental. Building from the mental side first gives a solid foundation when the lust of the eyes wear off.

They are 6,000 miles away and I don't see this guy finding out nor getting over here. He is never at her place when we talk, so the only way he finds out is if she tells him.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon

Originally posted by: moshquerade

You have no self respect.

Again, I am not trying to be mean, I am just calling it like I see it.


Tell me again in case I missed your reply, why aren't you pursuing someone *not* on the internet?

And this girl is playing with fire, and so are you. Her boyfriend will find you two are still communicating, and he may find out your address and then who knows what will happen.

You can say I don't have self respect, and I couldnt deny that.

I know your not trying to be mean, I can see your heart through your posts.

Why am I not pursuing someone *not* on the internet? Well, I want to know thier heart before my eyes judge thier physical features. I think that many relationsips are based too much on the physical characteristics and not enough on the mental. Building from the mental side first gives a solid foundation when the lust of the eyes wear off.

They are 6,000 miles away and I don't see this guy finding out nor getting over here. He is never at her place when we talk, so the only way he finds out is if she tells him.

or he could check her computer or cellphone when he becomes suspicious.

this won't end nicely.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
Why am I not pursuing someone *not* on the internet? Well, I want to know thier heart before my eyes judge thier physical features. I think that many relationsips are based too much on the physical characteristics and not enough on the mental. Building from the mental side first gives a solid foundation when the lust of the eyes wear off.

Bah. Physical attraction is a definate part of love. If you date in real life, you date people who you are attracted to. Then you break up with the ones without a great heart, or the relationships without a solid foundation. What is left is relationships that (a) have a solid foundation, (b) have a heart that you know and love, and (c) both people are attracted to each other. What can you possibly have against that outcome?

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
Yeah, I've been told that too, about her using me. And actually I have noticed it myself. It seems the only time she wants to talk to me is when she has some sort of problem. Other than that, she doesn't have time for me.

I'm sure she knows how much a hold on me she has. For the last 2 years I havent been but a phone call away. She knows I would drop anything for her, in a second, without a thought.

As for her boyfriend lol, he told her to get rid of me and as far as he knows, I am gone.

If you really wanted to treat her with respect and love, you would confront the guy and tell him you will only be friends with her, and if he is still not cool with it, then you will be friends at a distance. That means giving up any claim to her you have in your mind, but you probably won't do this, because your mind is made up. :roll: You are being dishonest with her and yourself about why you are doing all these thigns for her, and you are being dishonest to her boyfriend, and making her culpable in your dishonesty. If you really respected her, you would want her to have a good relationship with anybody, you would want the relationship with her and her boyfriend to work out well, but Nope your Desires still get in the way.

I guess you have missed some of my posts. I have wished her well on her relationship, and given advice on it WITHOUT my desires for her. Wish I could have her on here to vouch for that, but you will have to just take my word for it. As for talking to this guy? How? I don't know him, his number, his language, where he lives (exactly), or even if I would be allowed to talk to him. It would be up to her to set up a talking time. And as a matter of fact, when she first decided to be with him, I did ask to talk to him and she said "no". I wished her well in her relationship with him and that I would be there at anytime she needed me. I do want her to be happy. You have to have missed some posts bro.

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
Why am I not pursuing someone *not* on the internet? Well, I want to know thier heart before my eyes judge thier physical features. I think that many relationsips are based too much on the physical characteristics and not enough on the mental. Building from the mental side first gives a solid foundation when the lust of the eyes wear off.

Bah. Physical attraction is a definate part of love. If you date in real life, you date people who you are attracted to. Then you break up with the ones without a great heart, or the relationships without a solid foundation. What is left is relationships that (a) have a solid foundation, (b) have a heart that you know and love, and (c) both people are attracted to each other. What can you possibly have against that outcome?

I personally don't think that physical attraction makes or breaks love. I havent anything against being attracted to the person. It's just not the way I want it to "start".

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
I personally don't think that physical attraction makes or breaks love. I havent anything against being attracted to the person. It's just not the way I want it to "start".

Why? Why not let a great relationship with a wonderful person start with attraction?

 

[JS80]

i don't believe in love

 

[b0mbrman]

Please, if you have nothing nice to say, dont say it at all

=> "I only want to hear opinions that agree with mine"

 

[randay]

I love you, lets forum-date.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: stormbv
Shiver....

No doubt - get some help OP.

 

[MisterJackson]

I've never met Mosh in real life but I know she'll one day carry my seed and spawn forth my army of minions, willingly or not. Until then I admire her from afar.....through the Nikons

seriously OP. You sound sorta narcassistic (sp?) and I believe you probably have OCD or are a high end perfectionist. You are madly in love with this chick because you really don't know her....she's a fantasy and nothing more.

Love is when you know their flaws, the really bad ones, and still care deeply about them and would back them no matter what. There's NO way you can know that stuff, she hasn't given you that privlege.

so you've created an idea in your head and you're in love with that and nothing more.

you'll deny it, but I'm dead on with this, and the sooner you accept and start living your life the sooner you'll actually have the nice side effect of actually POSSIBLY having a shot with this girl in the future.

You have to creep this girl out if she knows half of how you feel. Just forget her in that way and have other relationships right now. Hell, if anything, those relationships can help you build yourself and you'll know even more so what you want/need from a woman.

Seriously man, if you stay this course, only bad will come of it. get a therapist and talk this stuff out. Find a more healthy outlet. Don't listen to the people making fun of you but do listen to the people who tell you this isn't healthy, they're trying to help you more than you think.

And Mosh.....assume the position!!!!!!!!!

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: PC Surgeon
I personally don't think that physical attraction makes or breaks love. I havent anything against being attracted to the person. It's just not the way I want it to "start".

Why? Why not let a great relationship with a wonderful person start with attraction?

There are different kinds of attraction. One physical and the other mental. I preffer the latter first

 

[NoStateofMind]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
I've never met Mosh in real life but I know she'll one day carry my seed and spawn forth my army of minions, willingly or not. Until then I admire her from afar.....through the Nikons

seriously OP. You sound sorta narcassistic (sp?) and I believe you probably have OCD or are a high end perfectionist. You are madly in love with this chick because you really don't know her....she's a fantasy and nothing more.

Love is when you know their flaws, the really bad ones, and still care deeply about them and would back them no matter what. There's NO way you can know that stuff, she hasn't given you that privlege.

so you've created an idea in your head and you're in love with that and nothing more.

you'll deny it, but I'm dead on with this, and the sooner you accept and start living your life the sooner you'll actually have the nice side effect of actually POSSIBLY having a shot with this girl in the future.

You have to creep this girl out if she knows half of how you feel. Just forget her in that way and have other relationships right now. Hell, if anything, those relationships can help you build yourself and you'll know even more so what you want/need from a woman.

Seriously man, if you stay this course, only bad will come of it. get a therapist and talk this stuff out. Find a more healthy outlet. Don't listen to the people making fun of you but do listen to the people who tell you this isn't healthy, they're trying to help you more than you think.

And Mosh.....assume the position!!!!!!!!!

"Love is when you know thier flaws" "She hasn't given you that priviledge". You won't believe me, but I know hers. I've known it from day one as I was informed. She has a problem that we have worked on throughout our time together and apart. It's something I won't divuldge because of my respect for her. But yeah, I know a few