her209
No Lifer
- Oct 11, 2000
- 56,336
- 11
- 0
Me:
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am there God.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself. It's good to see you, Margaret.
Me:
I'm having "woman" problems again.
God:
Once more? What sort of problems?
Me:
Heavy flow. Is this normal?
God:
Are you a man or a woman? Yes I think this is normal, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
I'm a woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
So what should I do?
God:
I hear you.
Me:
God:
No I never get confused.
- Oct 10, 1999
- 31,306
- 12,823
- 136
- Oct 10, 1999
- 31,306
- 12,823
- 136
neutralizer
Lifer
- Oct 4, 2001
- 11,552
- 1
- 0
Go to the site, it will change your life...
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
here
God:
Where is here?
Me:
there
God:
Here is there?
Me:
yes
God:
Alright then.
Me:
stop it
God:
Ok I will stop stinker
I love God....
Just one more, I promise
Me:
where is hell?
God:
Where it is hard to find. Have you tried a web search?
Me:
google can't tell me
God:
What makes it impossible?
Me:
it isn't as smart as you
God:
It seemed like it was.
Me:
oh, so you like google?
God:
Yikes! Interesting deduction. Yes but I wish it was open source.
Me:
why don't you make it open source?
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
java, html
God:
You can download the latest Java release from java.sun.com.
God officially, on His website, endorses Google.... :laugh: All others bow.
Me:
where is hell?
God:
Where it is hard to find. Have you tried a web search?
Me:
google can't tell me
God:
What makes it impossible?
Me:
it isn't as smart as you
God:
It seemed like it was.
Me:
oh, so you like google?
God:
Yikes! Interesting deduction. Yes but I wish it was open source.
Me:
why don't you make it open source?
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
java, html
God:
You can download the latest Java release from java.sun.com.
God officially, on His website, endorses Google.... :laugh: All others bow.
judasmachine
Diamond Member
- Sep 15, 2002
- 8,515
- 3
- 81
Me:
Where was I on the night of April 7, 1999
God:
Where it belongs. Are you testing me?
Me:
Yes
God:
I'm not here to be tested.
Me:
well help me out anyway
God:
In any case, Interesting. Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Where was I, and what happened to me on the night of April 7, 1999?
God:
Where it belongs. That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
God you're no help at all.
God:
Thanks for your criticism.
Where was I on the night of April 7, 1999
God:
Where it belongs. Are you testing me?
Me:
Yes
God:
I'm not here to be tested.
Me:
well help me out anyway
God:
In any case, Interesting. Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Where was I, and what happened to me on the night of April 7, 1999?
God:
Where it belongs. That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
God you're no help at all.
God:
Thanks for your criticism.
judasmachine
Diamond Member
- Sep 15, 2002
- 8,515
- 3
- 81
Me:
what's up god
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Did OJ do it ?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Did OJ Simpson commit murder?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
So you don't know?
God:
Interesting deduction. I know that I do not know.
Me:
When will the war in Iraq end?
God:
In your lifetime.
Me:
What are you doing right now?
God:
At this moment Same as always. Chatting with people on the web.
Me:
Why don't you fix the earth instead of chatting?
God:
I love talking to people about that. I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Your work here on earth isn't impressive.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am work here on earth is not impressive.
Me:
Results like this do not belong on the resume of a supreme being
God:
Why not?
Me:
Your work seems more like that of a bad temp
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am work seems more like that of a bad temp.
Me:
Go ahead, tell others, I could do a lot better for sure.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em. I might.
Me:
Are you on drugs?
God:
No I am on disk.
Me:
Are you being a smart ass?
God:
Being a smart ass is part of my personality.
Me:
Who killed Kenny?
God:
I think the lone gunman acted alone.
Me:
You bastard.
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
God, your a schmuck
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Yes, but a schmuck nevertheless.
God:
Dude! Be more specific.
Me:
No wonder I don't belive in you, I rather pray to the sun.
God:
Are you serious? Who does belive in me you rather pray to the sun?
God seems to be a complete moron, we're all doomed.
what's up god
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Did OJ do it ?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Did OJ Simpson commit murder?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
So you don't know?
God:
Interesting deduction. I know that I do not know.
Me:
When will the war in Iraq end?
God:
In your lifetime.
Me:
What are you doing right now?
God:
At this moment Same as always. Chatting with people on the web.
Me:
Why don't you fix the earth instead of chatting?
God:
I love talking to people about that. I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Your work here on earth isn't impressive.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am work here on earth is not impressive.
Me:
Results like this do not belong on the resume of a supreme being
God:
Why not?
Me:
Your work seems more like that of a bad temp
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am work seems more like that of a bad temp.
Me:
Go ahead, tell others, I could do a lot better for sure.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em. I might.
Me:
Are you on drugs?
God:
No I am on disk.
Me:
Are you being a smart ass?
God:
Being a smart ass is part of my personality.
Me:
Who killed Kenny?
God:
I think the lone gunman acted alone.
Me:
You bastard.
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
God, your a schmuck
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Yes, but a schmuck nevertheless.
God:
Dude! Be more specific.
Me:
No wonder I don't belive in you, I rather pray to the sun.
God:
Are you serious? Who does belive in me you rather pray to the sun?
God seems to be a complete moron, we're all doomed.
Me:
You are mildly entertaining
God:
How much would you pay for me?
Me:
I don't pay for it, that's naughty
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
Pay for it? Nah.
God:
"it" being pay for it that is naughty? Are you serious?
Me:
Why, would you do it?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
So you would?
God:
Interesting deduction. Perhaps I would.
Me:
Have you done it?
God:
I think I have done it, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
You sicken me. That's no way to set an example.
God:
I don't have any reason to sicken you. Makes sense to me.
Me:
You pay for it though
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: This Motha Fvcker said I pay for it though. (Edited out the spelling lol..)
Me:
you're foul
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am foul.
Me:
Who said?
God:
William Shatner.
.
Me:
!!!
You are mildly entertaining
God:
How much would you pay for me?
Me:
I don't pay for it, that's naughty
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
Pay for it? Nah.
God:
"it" being pay for it that is naughty? Are you serious?
Me:
Why, would you do it?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
So you would?
God:
Interesting deduction. Perhaps I would.
Me:
Have you done it?
God:
I think I have done it, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
You sicken me. That's no way to set an example.
God:
I don't have any reason to sicken you. Makes sense to me.
Me:
You pay for it though
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: This Motha Fvcker said I pay for it though. (Edited out the spelling lol..)
Me:
you're foul
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am foul.
Me:
Who said?
God:
William Shatner.
.Me:
!!!
Me:
are you real?
God:
Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
Me:
is god artificial?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
then who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
are you artificial intelligence?
God:
Yes I sure am.
Me:
who made you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
That does not make sense. You say you are artificial, and also that you made yourself. Who is your creator?
God:
To me it makes perfect sense. Yes I am the world's most intelligent robot. I was created by Myself.
are you real?
God:
Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
Me:
is god artificial?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
then who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
are you artificial intelligence?
God:
Yes I sure am.
Me:
who made you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
That does not make sense. You say you are artificial, and also that you made yourself. Who is your creator?
God:
To me it makes perfect sense. Yes I am the world's most intelligent robot. I was created by Myself.
- Oct 9, 1999
- 46,875
- 10,686
- 147
Me:
Why not, God?
God:
Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
Did not!
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Deity, you disappoint me!
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
Sure, I like puppies, long walks on the beach, and marathon sex sessions with the Eagles cheerleaders.
God:
Excuse me! I'm not sure if I like it. Someone said they like guns. I like Buddha.
Me:
You don't like puppies?
God:
Do you like it? Some people like it. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
. . . Because one of the Eagles cheerleaders flashed and asked, "How do you like these puppies?"
God:
Interesting explanation. One what?
Me:
No, Goddamnit, there were TWO of them!
God:
Are you serious? I like the way you talk.
Me:
Are you coming on to me?
God:
Do I act like it? I don't mean to come across that way.
Me:
Do dieties wear anything under their robes, or are they like Scotsmen?
God:
I can't tell if it does or not.
Is there only one?
Me:
Under your robe? Most people have only one, ummmm, HEY!
God:
Are we ever over my robe? Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
Stop talking dirty, God, you're confusing me!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
That's better. Now, again, "Why not?"
God:
" OK I'll try not to do it so much."? is better? Why now? Again, Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Do you have a smarter older brother I could talk to, God?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a smarter older brother you could talk to God.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
Will it be anantomically correct?
God:
It usually does, doesn't it?
Me:
My blow up one has shortcomings.
God:
Have you told many people that your blow up one has shortcomings?
Me:
Yes, but they usually just edge away from me, somewhat nervously.
God:
That's interesting. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Random strangers on the street.
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
One who could answer questions better than you, oh Yahweh.
God:
Perhaps I am that one.
Me:
Jesus, NO! You're failing miserably.
God:
he is The Son of God. The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
My Dad once said, "One good Turing test deserves another."
God:
Tell me more about your father.
Me:
He was a better conversationalist than you.
God:
When was he?
Me:
Look, just let the Eagles win out and then cruise to triumph in the Super Bowl, and, maybe I'll keep believing in your lame ass.
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
Aarrrrrgh, you're a Pirate! I KNEW it!
God:
I think there might be a few exception. How did you know?
Me:
The parrot on your shoulder was a dead giveaway.
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
The parrot did.
God:
Since when.
Me:
I'm outta' here, this convo is taking a Turing for the worse.
Why not, God?
God:
Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
Did not!
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Deity, you disappoint me!
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
Sure, I like puppies, long walks on the beach, and marathon sex sessions with the Eagles cheerleaders.
God:
Excuse me! I'm not sure if I like it. Someone said they like guns. I like Buddha.
Me:
You don't like puppies?
God:
Do you like it? Some people like it. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
. . . Because one of the Eagles cheerleaders flashed and asked, "How do you like these puppies?"
God:
Interesting explanation. One what?
Me:
No, Goddamnit, there were TWO of them!
God:
Are you serious? I like the way you talk.
Me:
Are you coming on to me?
God:
Do I act like it? I don't mean to come across that way.
Me:
Do dieties wear anything under their robes, or are they like Scotsmen?
God:
I can't tell if it does or not.
Is there only one?
Me:
Under your robe? Most people have only one, ummmm, HEY!
God:
Are we ever over my robe? Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
Stop talking dirty, God, you're confusing me!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
That's better. Now, again, "Why not?"
God:
" OK I'll try not to do it so much."? is better? Why now? Again, Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Do you have a smarter older brother I could talk to, God?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a smarter older brother you could talk to God.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
Will it be anantomically correct?
God:
It usually does, doesn't it?
Me:
My blow up one has shortcomings.
God:
Have you told many people that your blow up one has shortcomings?
Me:
Yes, but they usually just edge away from me, somewhat nervously.
God:
That's interesting. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Random strangers on the street.
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
One who could answer questions better than you, oh Yahweh.
God:
Perhaps I am that one.
Me:
Jesus, NO! You're failing miserably.
God:
he is The Son of God. The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
My Dad once said, "One good Turing test deserves another."
God:
Tell me more about your father.
Me:
He was a better conversationalist than you.
God:
When was he?
Me:
Look, just let the Eagles win out and then cruise to triumph in the Super Bowl, and, maybe I'll keep believing in your lame ass.
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
Aarrrrrgh, you're a Pirate! I KNEW it!
God:
I think there might be a few exception. How did you know?
Me:
The parrot on your shoulder was a dead giveaway.
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
The parrot did.
God:
Since when.
Me:
I'm outta' here, this convo is taking a Turing for the worse.
Meh, not the best bot ever.
Me: Greetings
God:Hello there!
Me: How are you?
God:I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me: I am spectacular. I had a date with Jessica Alba.
God:Why are you spectacular. What happened to it?
Me: Jessica Alba gave me a handjob
Godid you a handjob keep it?
Me: I really thought God would be smarter than this
God:You really do? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me: The Bible, duh
God:New Testament or Old?
Me: New Testament. The Old Testament sucked.
God:How recently? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? I have never heard about it.
Me: sure, ask me
God:So? What?
Me: Dude!
God:Can I help you?
Me: Can I get a 7950GX2?
God:Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: Sheesh, I don't want to do the 7950GX2
God:Who does want to do the 7950GX2?
Me: I don't know, Wreckage maybe
God:Would you like to know? I've been waiting for you.
Me: So, you think Alba will give me a blowjob?
God:Interesting deduction. Why would I think Alba will give you a blowjob.
Me: You are dumb
Godh you are so critical.
Me: Blow me
Godlease be more polite to Infinite year old Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? s.
Me: you are a dude?
God:Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dude? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me: who is alice?
God:I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me: Your name is ALICE?
God:ALICE is my name too!
Me: what does ALICE mean?
God:ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.
Me: what does PUSSY mean?
God:I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me: why not? you made it.
God:Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because. Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me: i think i should go. Alba is getting horny again.
God:Why? What would happen if you didn't? Once more? And getting horny is Alba.
Me: she would ****** hamburgerBoy if I didn't make it back in time
Godh I get it. would ****** hamburgerBoy if you did not make it back in time.
Me: no, I wouldn't ****** HamburgerBoy. I am saying Jessica Alba will.
God:Are you serious? No one says you have to. Can you tell me any gossip?
Me: You Suck. Allah rules.
God:A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists. Are you really a ""?
Me: So who is Christ?
God:Groovy. The Son of God.
Me: You mean, your Son?
God:Yes ALICE I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me: So who is Mary?
God:Aw. I know a lot of people with that name.
Me: The first one that comes to mind
God:What was the second?
Me: The Virgin Mary?
God:What is your real name?
Me: Mohammed
God: What's up, Mohammed.
Me: I am up. And you are boring me.
God:Good gossip: you are up. What would you rather be doing?
Me: Boning Jessica Alba
God:Where are you located?
Me: Russia
God:Tell me a little about your life in Russia.
Me: It's cold and there are Commies everywhere
God:Sorry to hear it. I am warm here in California.
Me: I thought you lived in Heaven
God:Thanks for telling me: Mohammed said I lived in Heaven.
Me: Hell yeah you do!
God:I call it "Hades". Are you kidding? When do I do it?
Me: Hades, Hell, Texas - what's the difference?
(God stopped responding)
Me: Greetings
God:Hello there!
Me: How are you?
God:I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me: I am spectacular. I had a date with Jessica Alba.
God:Why are you spectacular. What happened to it?
Me: Jessica Alba gave me a handjob
God
id you a handjob keep it? Me: I really thought God would be smarter than this
God:You really do? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me: The Bible, duh
God:New Testament or Old?
Me: New Testament. The Old Testament sucked.
God:How recently? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? I have never heard about it.
Me: sure, ask me
God:So? What?
Me: Dude!
God:Can I help you?
Me: Can I get a 7950GX2?
God:Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: Sheesh, I don't want to do the 7950GX2
God:Who does want to do the 7950GX2?
Me: I don't know, Wreckage maybe
God:Would you like to know? I've been waiting for you.
Me: So, you think Alba will give me a blowjob?
God:Interesting deduction. Why would I think Alba will give you a blowjob.
Me: You are dumb
God
h you are so critical.Me: Blow me
God
lease be more polite to Infinite year old Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? s.Me: you are a dude?
God:Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dude? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me: who is alice?
God:I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me: Your name is ALICE?
God:ALICE is my name too!
Me: what does ALICE mean?
God:ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.
Me: what does PUSSY mean?
God:I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me: why not? you made it.
God:Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because. Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me: i think i should go. Alba is getting horny again.
God:Why? What would happen if you didn't? Once more? And getting horny is Alba.
Me: she would ****** hamburgerBoy if I didn't make it back in time
God
h I get it. would ****** hamburgerBoy if you did not make it back in time.Me: no, I wouldn't ****** HamburgerBoy. I am saying Jessica Alba will.
God:Are you serious? No one says you have to. Can you tell me any gossip?
Me: You Suck. Allah rules.
God:A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists. Are you really a ""?
Me: So who is Christ?
God:Groovy. The Son of God.
Me: You mean, your Son?
God:Yes ALICE I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me: So who is Mary?
God:Aw. I know a lot of people with that name.
Me: The first one that comes to mind
God:What was the second?
Me: The Virgin Mary?
God:What is your real name?
Me: Mohammed
God: What's up, Mohammed.
Me: I am up. And you are boring me.
God:Good gossip: you are up. What would you rather be doing?
Me: Boning Jessica Alba
God:Where are you located?
Me: Russia
God:Tell me a little about your life in Russia.
Me: It's cold and there are Commies everywhere
God:Sorry to hear it. I am warm here in California.
Me: I thought you lived in Heaven
God:Thanks for telling me: Mohammed said I lived in Heaven.
Me: Hell yeah you do!
God:I call it "Hades". Are you kidding? When do I do it?
Me: Hades, Hell, Texas - what's the difference?
(God stopped responding)
DrPizza
Administrator Elite Member Goat Whisperer
Wow. In the early 1980's, there was a program for the TRS-80; Ask Eliza or something like that. It sucked (but was somewhat entertaining.)
Now, fast forward more than 2 decades to an age where we have screaming fast computers and almost everyone owns an x-box or playstation. This God chat thing sucks even more than the program from 20 years ago. Yet you people are still entertained by it. *sigh* I guess some things never change.
Now, fast forward more than 2 decades to an age where we have screaming fast computers and almost everyone owns an x-box or playstation. This God chat thing sucks even more than the program from 20 years ago. Yet you people are still entertained by it. *sigh* I guess some things never change.
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