- Nov 29, 1999
- 16,408
- 57
- 91
I walked into a pizza shop Saturday night .. had on some cheap, no-name shirt. I was hungry at the time, since I had just had one hell of a day, having to go kill a spider at this girl's place down the hall, getting pissed and throwing a brick at some jerk's truck, then going on a date with a guy to a gay wedding to earn money for my video card, which ended up with me standing in his place naked with my weenie twitching like there's no tomorrow. Anyway...
---
"Good evening, dear pizza employee, I'd like a 14" pepperoni pizza please. And could you please be sure that no olives accidently get on the the pizza, as I am deadly allergic to olives and even the smallest piece of one will send me in convulsive shock, requiring emergency medical aid?"
"hey, I see you shirt has no name on it - way to fight the corporations, man."
"Umm, ok. About that pizza. I'm really hungry. I just watched this sweet battle between Chuck Norris and a grizzly bear in full Ninja gear out in the woods ourside of town. The darn thing raged for hours and hours, with no clear winner."
"no seriously, last night I made some 10-year-old cry because he had a designer shirt on."
"Uhh.. you did what? Was was on his shirt? Was is a video game shirt? I have this sweet Halo 2 shirt you should check out. I get so much 'poon in that shirt, it isn't even funny. When the UPS girl delivered my GeForce SLI rig, I answered the door wearing nothing but that Halo 2 shirt. I totally saw her check out my 'saber,' if you know what I mean. I usually just bag chicks with emotion baggage, but I made an expection in that case.
"I totally ragged on this little kid because of the shirt his parents bought him. he looked so awesomely confused when he left here. I turned his little workd upside down, man."
"Let me get this straight. You mean to tell me that your employers pay you to belittle and harass your customers? And you're avoided filling my order so you can brag about it to me, expecting some sort of "Way to go! High-five!" response from me? Well Fvck you, man!
"uhhh"
(at this point, I pulled out my 9mm laser blaster and fired once, then rolled across the floor, SWAT-style, ending up under a little table with some gum under it. It looked like Trident spearmint flavor, but I really couldn't tell. Then "Beew! Beew! Beew! came his return fire. Looks like he was dual-weidling some Scarlet Uzis of the Monkey. I knew those often dropped of 10-years-old with Aero shirts in UBRS, but I was convinced he ninja-looted them from his guild mates, so I did the only thing I could, I jumped up, yelling "Leeerooooy nnnnnJeeeenkins!" and rushed around the parlor, aggroing all the other customers who ending up taking the little punk out. Stupid prick didn't even have on a soul stone! I laughed to myself as I heard him scream "Nooooooooo!" I yelled back, "You're the man now, dog!")
---
What was the most remarkable and amusing about this, rather than pointing out how stupid the whole "down with corporate America" fad has been and always will be, is the fact that there *was* an olive on the pizza and now I'm dead.
edit: Cliff notes:
1) big bang
2) cave men
3) ATOT
4) ??
5) Profit!
---
"Good evening, dear pizza employee, I'd like a 14" pepperoni pizza please. And could you please be sure that no olives accidently get on the the pizza, as I am deadly allergic to olives and even the smallest piece of one will send me in convulsive shock, requiring emergency medical aid?"
"hey, I see you shirt has no name on it - way to fight the corporations, man."
"Umm, ok. About that pizza. I'm really hungry. I just watched this sweet battle between Chuck Norris and a grizzly bear in full Ninja gear out in the woods ourside of town. The darn thing raged for hours and hours, with no clear winner."
"no seriously, last night I made some 10-year-old cry because he had a designer shirt on."
"Uhh.. you did what? Was was on his shirt? Was is a video game shirt? I have this sweet Halo 2 shirt you should check out. I get so much 'poon in that shirt, it isn't even funny. When the UPS girl delivered my GeForce SLI rig, I answered the door wearing nothing but that Halo 2 shirt. I totally saw her check out my 'saber,' if you know what I mean. I usually just bag chicks with emotion baggage, but I made an expection in that case.
"I totally ragged on this little kid because of the shirt his parents bought him. he looked so awesomely confused when he left here. I turned his little workd upside down, man."
"Let me get this straight. You mean to tell me that your employers pay you to belittle and harass your customers? And you're avoided filling my order so you can brag about it to me, expecting some sort of "Way to go! High-five!" response from me? Well Fvck you, man!
"uhhh"
(at this point, I pulled out my 9mm laser blaster and fired once, then rolled across the floor, SWAT-style, ending up under a little table with some gum under it. It looked like Trident spearmint flavor, but I really couldn't tell. Then "Beew! Beew! Beew! came his return fire. Looks like he was dual-weidling some Scarlet Uzis of the Monkey. I knew those often dropped of 10-years-old with Aero shirts in UBRS, but I was convinced he ninja-looted them from his guild mates, so I did the only thing I could, I jumped up, yelling "Leeerooooy nnnnnJeeeenkins!" and rushed around the parlor, aggroing all the other customers who ending up taking the little punk out. Stupid prick didn't even have on a soul stone! I laughed to myself as I heard him scream "Nooooooooo!" I yelled back, "You're the man now, dog!")
---
What was the most remarkable and amusing about this, rather than pointing out how stupid the whole "down with corporate America" fad has been and always will be, is the fact that there *was* an olive on the pizza and now I'm dead.
edit: Cliff notes:
1) big bang
2) cave men
3) ATOT
4) ??
5) Profit!
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