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Hair Mayonnaise, WTF?

W

Wallydraigle

Banned
The other day I was in the store buying food. I happened to stroll through the hair care aisle. What I say there shocked me.

I buzz my hair really short so I don't have to comb it, or think about it. It's just there, and that's fine with me, I don't really care how it looks. I use a bar of soap on it. Sometimes I use shampoo on it, but if the world ran out of shampoo I wouldn't care. So a cursory walk-through of the hair aisle is usually amusing because I get to see all the products I don't have to worry about or spend money on, having risen above petty human desires such as vanity. My exalted position has left me somewhat naive if you will, though. As such I was not prepared for hair mayonnaise.

It came as a shock to my system. I was accosted by conflicting ideas. The culinary aspect intrigued me, while the hygiene aspect repulsed me. This abomination threatened to topple my entire belief system and way of life.

I mean it would be different if it were hair BBQ sauce. Everything is better with BBQ sauce on it. Or hair ranch dressing. I'd even try hair mustard once. But hair mayonnaise? That's nasty. I don't even eat mayonnaise, because it's disgusting, and it looks like semen. But this is mayonnaise that goes in your hair! Jesus.

So, out of 100,000 people, there has to be at least one who has used this stuff on here. Care to share your experiences?
 
people put mayo in their hair as a treatment for lice -- easier to wash out than vasoline (sp?). Perhaps this was related?
 
This is what our society has come to.

BTW, I wonder if there are any macro possibilities here?

"Hair Mayonnaise, up close and personal"

Or a Corbin style movie..

"IT, the Hair Mayonnaise from Beyond Space"


Then one could consider the origin of Hair Mayonnaise. Was it designed to imitate another substance? Who was the original donor?

It throttles the imagination!
 
Originally posted by: UsandThem
Hair mayonaise like This?
Click to expand...


Kind of like that, only real. Think about this one. Right now, this very second, there are literally thousands of people in the USA, in the US frickin A who are voluntarily rubbing mayonnaise into their hair. What trickery has been fetched upon them by the hair care companies? What spirit of madness wold possess them to do such a thing? It's better I say to cut it all off and not be tempted to such depths of insanity.
 
It's really good stuff. Leave it in for a few minutes and your hair becomes silky smooth. IMO, it's much better than conditioner.
 
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
This is what our society has come to.

BTW, I wonder if there are any macro possibilities here?

"Hair Mayonnaise, up close and personal"

Or a Corbin style movie..

"IT, the Hair Mayonnaise from Beyond Space"


Then one could consider the origin of Hair Mayonnaise. Was it designed to imitate another substance? Who was the original donor?

It throttles the imagination!
Click to expand...


Picture it like this:

A quiet field. Some Amish guy is swinging a scythe in his crop. It's going well, it looks to be a great harvest. The sun is shining, little Amish kids are playing in the fields. All of a sudden an enormous hunk of hair mayonnaise lurches over the hill, destroying the landscape and blotting out the sun. It gians in power and size as it devours Amish after Amish. After it has finished the family of famers it heads off to the next farm. As it does a chicken cocks a curious head at the now vast hunk of hair mayonnaise, and before it can flee a psuedopod shots out and draws it quickly into the mass of billowing mayo. Feathers fly ominously.
 
Originally posted by: damonpip
It's really good stuff. Leave it in for a few minutes and your hair becomes silky smooth. IMO, it's much better than conditioner.
Click to expand...


But what if it is actually feeding on the dander and waxy build-up in your hair, waiting patiently, biding its time until the day is has the numbers to destroy us all?
 
I avoid processed foods in my hair whenever possible. I generally take a fres egg into the shower with me, crack it on my head and smoosh it all in, shell and all. Who the hell would take a jar of mayonnaise into the shower with them? That's really perverted. Just think, it would get all mixed up and you wouldn't know which was the mayonnaise and which was the...well, the smoosh. :roll:
 
Originally posted by: sygyzy
Congrats for winning the "You're so Full of Yourself" Award.
Click to expand...

i think he was being sarcastic mostly...and besides, he has admitted he doesnt care what it looks like. that is different than saying it is the most uber haircut of all. chill.
 
Originally posted by: HappyPuppy
I avoid processed foods in my hair whenever possible. I generally take a fres egg into the shower with me, crack it on my head and smoosh it all in, shell and all. Who the hell would take a jar of mayonnaise into the shower with them? That's really perverted. Just think, it would get all mixed up and you wouldn't know which was the mayonnaise and which was the...well, the smoosh. :roll:
Click to expand...


Totally. And who first thought of this particular use for mayo anyway. One day they were in the kitchen making a sammich, when they drop a big glob of mayo on the counter. They pick it up bare handed, rub a bit between finger and thumb, and think, "Hmmm, I wonder?" and then run off to the shower with the jar? It was probably a French guy too.
 
Originally posted by: Wallydraigle
Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
This is what our society has come to.

BTW, I wonder if there are any macro possibilities here?

"Hair Mayonnaise, up close and personal"

Or a Corbin style movie..

"IT, the Hair Mayonnaise from Beyond Space"


Then one could consider the origin of Hair Mayonnaise. Was it designed to imitate another substance? Who was the original donor?

It throttles the imagination!
Click to expand...


Picture it like this:

A quiet field. Some Amish guy is swinging a scythe in his crop. It's going well, it looks to be a great harvest. The sun is shining, little Amish kids are playing in the fields. All of a sudden an enormous hunk of hair mayonnaise lurches over the hill, destroying the landscape and blotting out the sun. It gians in power and size as it devours Amish after Amish. After it has finished the family of famers it heads off to the next farm. As it does a chicken cocks a curious head at the now vast hunk of hair mayonnaise, and before it can flee a psuedopod shots out and draws it quickly into the mass of billowing mayo. Feathers fly ominously.
Click to expand...

I think William Hurt was in that one.
 
I have long, strait, brown hair. I'm a guy, or so i claim. I shampoo it, condition it, but i don't put anything else in it.. never even heard of hair mayonaise.
 
Originally posted by: sygyzy
Congrats for winning the "You're so Full of Yourself" Award.
Click to expand...


Why, thank you! I usually don't consider humans as being worthy of my time or consideration, but I'm glad you decided to take advantage of posting in the thread I so graceously bestowed upon you all.
 
Originally posted by: Wallydraigle
Originally posted by: UsandThem
Hair mayonaise like This?
Click to expand...


Kind of like that, only real. Think about this one. Right now, this very second, there are literally thousands of people in the USA, in the US frickin A who are voluntarily rubbing mayonnaise into their hair. What trickery has been fetched upon them by the hair care companies? What spirit of madness wold possess them to do such a thing? It's better I say to cut it all off and not be tempted to such depths of insanity.
Click to expand...

no trickery or insanity or big government conspiracy here...people are just fvcking stupid...who was it that said that when you exhaust all other possibilities the simplest solution must be the correct one? the simplest answer is people are blithering idiots...well i may not have the wording exactly right but you get the point...people will buy anything with decent marketing...remember pet rocks?
 
Originally posted by: sygyzy
Congrats for winning the "You're so Full of Yourself" Award.
Click to expand...

Consider though what this thread might have been in typical OT fashion...

"Will a Type R sticker on my penis increase my sexual potency?"
or

"Hey I just noticed if I play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my ass, it looks like Paris Hilton!"

"YAGT- do they have different looking wee wees?"

The possibilities go on ad nauseaum
 
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